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To think that it's strange how people get the hump when you treat them as they've treated you?

(23 Posts)
orangeisthenewpink Fri 31-Oct-14 10:15:32

I have a friend that is very unreliable and flaky, and regularly cancels meeting up. Sometimes she cancels our meet-ups at the time we should have been meeting, so I am standing/sitting somewhere waiting for her, and then she'll send a brief text saying she's not coming.

We had arranged to meet on Monday of this week with our DCs, but I wasn't well on Sunday, so I sent her a text on Sunday night cancelling Monday's arrangements. I figured that she wouldn't mind because she cancels so much. However she did mind, and I got a long text back about how her daughters were looking forward to our day out, and that it was unfair to cancel at such short notice!

I didn't bother replying, and she has not contacted me, so it looks as though that friendship is probably over. Which tbh isn't a bad thing as she is very unreliable, but it has still bugged me that she has kicked off like a spoilt child when I did once the thing that she has done an uncountable number of times!

Second incident: A friend of mine never ever acknowledges me when I comment on her Facebook statuses or photos, yet acknowledges others, likes their comments and replies to them on the same status. She always posts lots of problems and issues in her statuses and I've always been supportive, only to get ignored.

I decided to let things drift and to not bother with her anymore. We have been friends for years, but live quite a distance apart now and rarely see each other anyway.

I rarely do statuses but did one the other day about my daughter's birthday party. Friend commented, and I decided to just ignore her comment as she has done to mine, and reply to the other person that had commented. She has done this hundreds of times to me....

I then got a private message from her on FB saying I had ignored her message, and that she'd gone to the time and effort to write it and that I'd been rude to ignore her!

I sent a message back saying that I didn't think it was that big a deal, and that she did this to me all the time. Her response? To delete me as a friend on Facebook!

Bunbaker Fri 31-Oct-14 10:17:45

DD has "friends" like this. I don't know the answer.

I would love to stick them all in room 101.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 31-Oct-14 10:24:06

Wow. What a pair of idiots. You're well rid!

WellnowImFucked Fri 31-Oct-14 10:24:40

Well it's because they're special little snowflakes and you should be honored that they acknowledge your little existence. They must be treated as special at all times and you must drop everything/put up with bad behavior etc from them because they're special don't ya know. . . . . . .

Shit can you tell I used to have one of these in my life grin

Erbalunga Fri 31-Oct-14 10:26:00

I have a friend that is very unreliable and flaky, and regularly cancels meeting up

That was all I had to read. This person is not your friend, in any meaningful sense of the word.

TiggerLillies Fri 31-Oct-14 10:28:27

Aghast! It really does puzzle me what goes through people's minds. The worse bit to be about these above scenarios is the complaining. Sometimes people annoy me and I then realise I have done the same to them - so I'd try and improve my behaviour from there on (and possibly apologise for being a crappy friend), but the cheek of complaining?! I'd agree with those who say you are well rid.

DonkeysDoRideBroomsticks Fri 31-Oct-14 10:35:38

You're right, it escapes these people just how irritating they can be.

I started cutting across someone conversationally like she does to me. Initially it was quite difficult butting in but I persevered. Funnily enough after the first couple of times she was shock very put out and I wondered if she even realises she does it.

PigletJohn Fri 31-Oct-14 10:38:22

You can try a sympathetic non-apology

"Oh yes, I know how you feel, I felt just the same when you..."

youmakemydreams Fri 31-Oct-14 10:39:55

I was thinking about this just today. I have a friend of many years. My whole adult life in fact.
She does this. Not just to me but to other people as well. In the past if I have called her on it she says there must clearly
Be something else going on in your life and that's ok you can take it out on me angry because of course it can't actually be her at all.

I have dropped everything so many times for her and had so very little in return. I can't do it anymore. I've been pulling back and am happy to stay that way.

Moln Fri 31-Oct-14 10:46:29

I think sometimes you don't realise your irritating traits, but it's mental to find others doing the same annoying! I used to interrupt people, never realised I did, a friend told me I did and then I noticed (and made efforts to stop), but I never had felt it irritating if someone interrupted me, for whatever reason I felt this was how conversations went!

championnibbler Fri 31-Oct-14 11:02:49

Well done you for ditching these losers.

ALittleFaith Fri 31-Oct-14 11:07:00

It's definitely about a total lack of insight into how they are. I had a colleague bitching about another colleague the other day - how self-absorbed she is, that's she's incredibly is the colleague that was complaining about her! Obviously I can't do much about my colleagues except give a hmm face but if they're 'friends' I would walk away, wise decision OP!

NewEraNewMindset Fri 31-Oct-14 11:11:33

Oh yes. It's because they have no perception of their own behaviour and so unless you try and explain to them that x,y and z is unacceptable (and yes you run the risk of them dumping you as a friend) they will never understand that what they are doing is rude and bloody annoying

It's Princess behaviour basically and I suspect the toots of it will be in their childhood spoilt and indulged

NewEraNewMindset Fri 31-Oct-14 11:11:58


ZanyMobster Fri 31-Oct-14 12:32:58

I have one 'friend' in particular like this, she is actually a nasty, poisonous person but it has taken me (and others in our group) a long time to realise this. I am trying to keep my distance but it is very difficult as our sons are in the same class in a really small class. I don't really want to fall out with her but I am really upset about things at the moment.

orangeisthenewpink Fri 31-Oct-14 15:11:07

I really cannot be bothered with either of them anymore.

They can go and cancel arrangements/ignore other people as much as they like!

They'll probably wonder at some point why they have very few friends.

SophiaPetrillo Fri 31-Oct-14 15:41:30

I think it's because they're the centre of their own little universe and the rest of us are to revolve around them.

This is one reason I never get the "wendy" crap. I've been given all sorts of grief for apparently "wendying" 2 different women...yet it was always ok for them to make arrangements with other friends and exclude me, just don't EVER do it to them.

AnyoneForTardis Fri 31-Oct-14 18:14:09

''Do unto others as you would have them do to you.''

or whatever the saying is!

Im nothing but nice/polite/respectful/courteous to everyone, not just 'friends ' (not after a medal here btw!!!grin)

are they same back? by 'eck they aren't.

Ive dropped so many people when I realised what a doormat I was .

and don't you just hate it when its a one way convo (phone messages/texts/emails whatever) and they never reply THEN have the gall to say (a year later) that YOU never keep in touch with THEM?


TaliZorahVasNormandy Fri 31-Oct-14 18:19:51

Because they are self absorbed and dont see their shitty behaviour, but they certainly think they dont deserve to be treated the same.

hackmum Fri 31-Oct-14 18:20:11

This has always baffled me. I think it's because some people genuinely believe they are more important than other people, and everybody should behave respectfully towards them, whereas they have no need to behave respectfully towards other people. So the OP should always turn up on time for her friend and never cancel, but her friend can cancel her at a moment's notice. Why? Because the OP isn't as important as her friend, obviously.

I always hope that one day people like this will get this comeuppance.

orangeisthenewpink Fri 31-Oct-14 21:51:10

I think that's a very good point, hackmum

The two ex friends of mine are both quite "spoilt child" in how they behave. I'm assuming that their Madam-ish behaviour stems from childhood and from them getting their own way all the time, hence they've grown up to think that the world revolves around them.

ZanyMobster Sat 01-Nov-14 12:50:32

Quite a few posters have hit the nail on the head, my friend certainly thinks her and her immediate family are the centre of their own little universe and she looks down on everyone else.

She is rude, outspoken and insensitive but if anyone dares to say anything out of line she will make sure everyone knows and will be straight on the phone to say what she thinks. Most of the time I or anyone else haven't actually been rude at all but she decides it was and all hell breaks loose.

She is definitely a 'spoilt child' and openly admits she stamps her feet at her DH if she doesn't get what she wants.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 01-Nov-14 12:54:50

These people are usually quite oblivious to their own unpleasant behaviour. That's the problem.

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