To not want to be used by friend as free childcare whilst she keeps going for a cigarette?

[floraldora]

My friend popped round yesterday for 2 hours. She brought her one year old DS with her. During her 2 hour visit she popped out for 7 cigarettes, each time leaving me to look after her DS, who is into everything and is quite a handful. There was just an assumption there "Watch him, I'm off for a smoke", and off she'd go. We actually barely got any chatting done. I felt like she just came round to use me as free childcare so she could have some smoking time.

She is like it every single time we meet up anywhere. If we go to soft play she is constantly nipping outside for a smoke, and again I am left to look after her child alongside my own, and again it is a constant assumption that I will watch her child. If it was just the once I wouldn't mind, but it's every 15 minutes or so, and she's not one for having a quick smoke; she's always ages! She's done it when we've been having meals too and expected me to carry on feeding her son for her. When her son was going through the separation anxiety phase it didn't seem to bother her if he screamed, she'd just leave me to deal with him.

Basically it is pissing me off that she seems to think that her smoking habit trumps everything else and is a priority. And probably best I don't get started on the fact that she moans constantly about being skint....

[vitabrits]

I really do think it's time to meet new friends.

[floraldora]

I'm not going to meet up with her again, that's for certain.

[KnackeredMuchly]

I was ready to say yabu - but 7 ! in 2 hours!!! That's incredible, and during feeding etc.

I was a hardcore smoker, I was 40 a day and I can't understand how she can smoke so much

[Charitybelle]

Sounds horrid, for the reasons you state, but then also cos she must stink of cigarette smoke around the kids?!!!
I'd be scaling back time spent with this friend. I doubt she realises she's taking the piss, but unless you want an argument (i doubt she'll have a rational POV re: her smoking) then I'd just phase her out a bit...

[Walkacrossthesand]

It's good that you've decided 'enough is enough', you don't exist to be her childminder while she smokes herself senseless. You're going to need some strategies and tactics now! It's easy enough not to agree to any outings with just the 2 of you (are there any group outings, and is she the same then?), but what will you do next time she 'pops round' - perhaps always be 'just going out' so it's not convenient to invite her in?
Your post reminded me of one a while back when the OP had a friend who would come and smoke in (nonsmoking) OPs house because she didn't like her own house smelling of smoke!

[UriGeller]

She's got her priorities wrong. Agree with vitabrits

[Bunbaker]

Why doesn't she use electronic cigarettes instead?

[lemonpuffbiscuit]

Only meet outside at parks? Tell her to wrap up and bring a flask so you can have uninterrupted chatting.

[lemonpuffbiscuit]

Don't meet her indoors

[Aeroflotgirl]

Don't meet up with her, distance yourself. She doesent sound much of a friend.

[FishWithABicycle]

YANBU and quite right not to meet up with her again.

[fuzzpig]

I was all ready to post "pfft it's hardly childcare if she is just nipping out for a smoke" (and I say that as someone who REALLY hates smoking) but that is pretty extreme! YANBU at all.

[BuilderMammy]

Don't meet her at all. She's clearly just using you.

[carlsonrichards]

Why are you meeting her? She's probably going out to prattle on the phone, even when I was a pack a day smoker and a drinker, 7 in 2 hours? No way.

[fakenamefornow]

How can anyone smoke so much!

I remember I had a job once about 20 years ago. The smokers got two extra breaks so that they could smoke. I asked if I could have an extra 15 minute tea break and was told that I didn't need one because I didn't smoke! The right/need to smoke did seem to trump anything back then, thank god things have changed now.

[MrsPiggie]

No way is she going for a smoke every 15 minutes, she's probably using this excuse to take time away from her child. I used to be a very heavy smoker, but I don't think I could have managed that much smoking.

[bauhausfan]

I had a friend who used to do similar. She'd come round then 'need' to go to the shops and leave me to look after her kids, every flipping time. I did end up feeling very used by her (there was other stuff too) and we're not friends any more.

[championnibbler]

Ditch her.

[LemonadeRayGun]

Do you know she is actually having a cigarette every time she goes out? I agree she might be using her phone or just wants a break from her child.

[MinesaBottle]

In two hours I'd maybe have one, maybe none at all. I'm not a heavy smoker though. But seven in two hours is some going, I agree she's taking advantage to get time away from her child. I guess it's easier to say you're going for a fag than to say you're going to use your phone or something. Doesn't sound like she really came round to see you iyswim.

[ChillingGrinBloodLover]

The odd things people do.

[RedButtonhole]

I'm a smoker, the only time I really ask anyone to watch DS for a few minutes is if they are also a smoker and we take turns. However in a 2 hour time slot I'd manage not to smoke at all, or maybe once in that time. 7 times? She's taking the piss.

[Mmolly2013]

everytime she nips for a smoke when she comes back say your just nipping to the loo or nipping our for fresh air, and keep doing this untill she comments because shes bound to say sonething like'your going to the loo loads' so tou can turn round and say ditto to yiur smoking isnt it annoyinh