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To not want to be used by friend as free childcare whilst she keeps going for a cigarette?

(24 Posts)
floraldora Fri 31-Oct-14 01:13:07

My friend popped round yesterday for 2 hours. She brought her one year old DS with her. During her 2 hour visit she popped out for 7 cigarettes, each time leaving me to look after her DS, who is into everything and is quite a handful. There was just an assumption there "Watch him, I'm off for a smoke", and off she'd go. We actually barely got any chatting done. I felt like she just came round to use me as free childcare so she could have some smoking time.

She is like it every single time we meet up anywhere. If we go to soft play she is constantly nipping outside for a smoke, and again I am left to look after her child alongside my own, and again it is a constant assumption that I will watch her child. If it was just the once I wouldn't mind, but it's every 15 minutes or so, and she's not one for having a quick smoke; she's always ages! She's done it when we've been having meals too and expected me to carry on feeding her son for her. When her son was going through the separation anxiety phase it didn't seem to bother her if he screamed, she'd just leave me to deal with him.

Basically it is pissing me off that she seems to think that her smoking habit trumps everything else and is a priority. And probably best I don't get started on the fact that she moans constantly about being skint....

vitabrits Fri 31-Oct-14 01:14:47

I really do think it's time to meet new friends.

floraldora Fri 31-Oct-14 01:26:42

I'm not going to meet up with her again, that's for certain.

KnackeredMuchly Fri 31-Oct-14 07:34:41

I was ready to say yabu - but 7 ! in 2 hours!!! shock That's incredible, and during feeding etc.

I was a hardcore smoker, I was 40 a day and I can't understand how she can smoke so much confused

Charitybelle Fri 31-Oct-14 07:55:32

Sounds horrid, for the reasons you state, but then also cos she must stink of cigarette smoke around the kids?!!!
I'd be scaling back time spent with this friend. I doubt she realises she's taking the piss, but unless you want an argument (i doubt she'll have a rational POV re: her smoking) then I'd just phase her out a bit...

Walkacrossthesand Fri 31-Oct-14 08:12:31

It's good that you've decided 'enough is enough', you don't exist to be her childminder while she smokes herself senseless. You're going to need some strategies and tactics now! It's easy enough not to agree to any outings with just the 2 of you (are there any group outings, and is she the same then?), but what will you do next time she 'pops round' - perhaps always be 'just going out' so it's not convenient to invite her in?
Your post reminded me of one a while back when the OP had a friend who would come and smoke in (nonsmoking) OPs house because she didn't like her own house smelling of smoke! confused

UriGeller Fri 31-Oct-14 08:26:32

She's got her priorities wrong. Agree with vitabrits

Bunbaker Fri 31-Oct-14 08:28:56

Why doesn't she use electronic cigarettes instead?

lemonpuffbiscuit Fri 31-Oct-14 08:29:01

Only meet outside at parks? Tell her to wrap up and bring a flask so you can have uninterrupted chatting.

lemonpuffbiscuit Fri 31-Oct-14 08:30:19

Don't meet her indoors

Aeroflotgirl Fri 31-Oct-14 08:31:52

Don't meet up with her, distance yourself. She doesent sound much of a friend.

FishWithABicycle Fri 31-Oct-14 08:34:48

YANBU and quite right not to meet up with her again.

fuzzpig Fri 31-Oct-14 08:41:20

I was all ready to post "pfft it's hardly childcare if she is just nipping out for a smoke" (and I say that as someone who REALLY hates smoking) but that is pretty extreme! YANBU at all.

BuilderMammy Fri 31-Oct-14 08:43:35

Don't meet her at all. She's clearly just using you.

carlsonrichards Fri 31-Oct-14 08:47:02

Why are you meeting her? She's probably going out to prattle on the phone, even when I was a pack a day smoker and a drinker, 7 in 2 hours? No way.

fakenamefornow Fri 31-Oct-14 08:51:57

How can anyone smoke so much!

I remember I had a job once about 20 years ago. The smokers got two extra breaks so that they could smoke. I asked if I could have an extra 15 minute tea break and was told that I didn't need one because I didn't smoke! The right/need to smoke did seem to trump anything back then, thank god things have changed now.

MrsPiggie Fri 31-Oct-14 09:09:22

No way is she going for a smoke every 15 minutes, she's probably using this excuse to take time away from her child. I used to be a very heavy smoker, but I don't think I could have managed that much smoking.

bauhausfan Fri 31-Oct-14 09:54:48

I had a friend who used to do similar. She'd come round then 'need' to go to the shops and leave me to look after her kids, every flipping time. I did end up feeling very used by her (there was other stuff too) and we're not friends any more.

championnibbler Fri 31-Oct-14 10:57:33

Ditch her.

LemonadeRayGun Fri 31-Oct-14 14:14:55

Do you know she is actually having a cigarette every time she goes out? I agree she might be using her phone or just wants a break from her child.

MinesaBottle Sat 01-Nov-14 02:24:42

In two hours I'd maybe have one, maybe none at all. I'm not a heavy smoker though. But seven in two hours is some going, I agree she's taking advantage to get time away from her child. I guess it's easier to say you're going for a fag than to say you're going to use your phone or something. Doesn't sound like she really came round to see you iyswim.

ChillingGrinBloodLover Sat 01-Nov-14 02:35:42

The odd things people do.

RedButtonhole Sat 01-Nov-14 02:55:53

I'm a smoker, the only time I really ask anyone to watch DS for a few minutes is if they are also a smoker and we take turns. However in a 2 hour time slot I'd manage not to smoke at all, or maybe once in that time. 7 times? She's taking the piss.

Mmolly2013 Sat 01-Nov-14 03:43:23

everytime she nips for a smoke when she comes back say your just nipping to the loo or nipping our for fresh air, and keep doing this untill she comments because shes bound to say sonething like'your going to the loo loads' so tou can turn round and say ditto to yiur smoking isnt it annoyinh

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