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Are DH and I being unreasonable to holiday separately and without DS?

(46 Posts)
BauerTime Wed 29-Oct-14 15:35:23

Dh and I have just sorted out next years holidays. Week away type affair. The difference between this and most families idea of sorting out their holidays is that DH and I are going on 2 different holidays. We are going at different times so that one of us will still be home with DS while the other is away. We do also plan to arrange probably a few days break with DS, or a staycation type break where we just have days out but stay at home.

Many people apparently think this is weird for a variety of reasons. Firstly that im 'allowing' DH to go on a lads holiday (stag do) with his best friend of 20-odd years and he is friends best man. Secondly that im a mother and will be leaving my then 19 month old at home for a week WITH HIS FATHER, thirdly that ill be away on my birthday and that's not fair on DH or DS, fourthly (is that a word?) that its strange that we don't want to holiday together (im going skiing, DH doesn't ski, and its unlikely that ill be invited on the stag do), and finally that poor old DS 'wont get a proper holiday'.

Now ok DS wont get a 'proper' holiday but he isn't even 2 years old! a trip to the local farm is amazing to him and we do still plan to do something with him so he wont totally get left out. I honestly don't see why we shouldn't have separate holidays doing what we want individually rather than a compromise holiday for both/all of us. Is it really that weird that we want to stay individuals as well as be part of a family?

JeanSeberg Wed 29-Oct-14 15:37:15

Sounds great, long may it continue.

You're all happy so it's no-one else's business.

Just don't discuss your plans with anyone else if it invites this type of comment.

Idontseeanysontarans Wed 29-Oct-14 15:37:18

YANBU, sounds absolutely fine to me - I wonder if I can persuade DH to do this next year? grin

WowserBooooooooooooser Wed 29-Oct-14 15:38:28

No, with that all in consideration - YANBU

amyhamster Wed 29-Oct-14 15:38:41

Oh it's fine op
I wouldn't worry at all

My best friend goes on one holiday with just her & dh, kids go to grannies

One with the girls

And one with dh and kids

MrsPiggie Wed 29-Oct-14 15:39:34

Sounds like a good plan, DH and I have been thinking along the same lines, we haven't been able to do it yet but I'd love to.

WorraLiberty Wed 29-Oct-14 15:39:49

I don't know why anyone would have a problem with that

Enjoy it

StephenKatz Wed 29-Oct-14 15:40:25

Sounds fabulous!

championnibbler Wed 29-Oct-14 15:42:52

YANBU. Sounds like a very sensible arrangement to me.

upthedamnwotsit Wed 29-Oct-14 15:44:11

Be ready for a complaint in writing from your 19-month old detailing why he's upset at not getting a holiday grin

MrsTerrorPratchett Wed 29-Oct-14 15:45:07

Fourthly is a word. YANBU.

WooWooOwl Wed 29-Oct-14 15:46:39

While your ds is still so young, it's a non issue. Babies have no need for holidays, there is no benefit to them until they are older.

I go away without my much older dc, but the priority is always a trip abroad together, and I wouldn't have holidays without my dc if we couldn't go away together as well.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Wed 29-Oct-14 15:49:17

YANBU. We didn't have a family holiday last year. We took the DDs away for a week at Easter...DH had a few days in London and I did too...just not with him!

BauerTime Wed 29-Oct-14 15:55:23

exactly woo, whilst DS is so young why not please ourselves? Assuming that if its an either/or situation in the future that pleasing DS is going to take priority, so why not make it about us for just another year at least?

The comment that got me the most though was how it was a bit selfish of me to go away on my own birthday as DH and DS might have wanted to spend it with me. Yeah they might, but its my birthday and ill spend it as I want! Actually the fact im away then is pure coincidence as the dates were dictated by friends work commitments, and I don't really rate birthdays anyway so its neither here nor there really.

Seriouslyffs Wed 29-Oct-14 15:59:21

Why does anyone else know about it? Are you unsure yourself OP? Or are you just seeking approval or attention?

bigbluestars Wed 29-Oct-14 16:01:28

Why are you asking?

If it suits you then great, it's no-one's business. It wouldn't be for my family but that isn't the point.

bonkersLFDT20 Wed 29-Oct-14 16:02:24



I get the whole "oooh, you ALLOWED your husband" such and such. Ermm no, we talked about it like grown ups. Sometimes people's comments are reflections of their own lives.

MrsPiggie Wed 29-Oct-14 16:03:07

There are people who will think mothers are selfish unless they are surgically connected to their children. The same people who think all mothers should stay at home with the kids, all mothers should breastfeed, they shouldn't send their kids to holiday or after school clubs. I just ignore them. Enjoy your holidays!

Hatespiders Wed 29-Oct-14 16:06:00

It doesn't matter a bit what other people think. None of their business. YANBU.
My dh went over to Ivory Coast this year to visit his dear old mum & dad for 5 weeks. I on the other hand went up to Scotland to visit my sis. We both had a lovely time and we each appreciate having the individual freedom to do things we want without arm-twisting or moaning. It's freedom like that which strengthens a marriage, because no-one feels constrained or limited by the other.

Boobz Wed 29-Oct-14 16:07:31


We have 3 DC (5, 4 and 2).

Next year we have:
-Ski weekend just DH & I (and friends) - my mum is coming to look after DC
-Ski week all the family
-Secret Garden Party Festival weekend just DH & I (and friends) - my dad is coming to look after DC
-Girls weekend away (just me and friends)
-Boys weekend away (just DH and his friends)
-Family holiday for 10 days (probably in Tuscany - we live in Rome)

Having a break from the kids makes it a proper holiday for me - going away with the kids is more exhausting than staying home with them! (but then I am a bit of a rubbish mum)

JeanSeberg Wed 29-Oct-14 16:19:01

Actually YABU for reminding me of all the times I've been away with friends for the weekend to have people say to us "Who's looking after your children?" "Errr, their father?" "Ooh isn't he good!"

Mammanat222 Wed 29-Oct-14 16:27:27

We've had a few separate holidays over the years for various reasons.

Never seen a problem with it personally.

Only been away once since DS arrived and that was all of us, but OH will be going on a stag do next year so I'll be at home with a toddler and a baby. It's only for a weekend though.

cherrybombxo Wed 29-Oct-14 16:28:55

I think it sounds amazing! You both get to do your own thing and your DS is staying with someone he loves. Brilliant.

Greengrow Wed 29-Oct-14 16:55:29

No problem at all. My children's father (teacher) always had a lot more holidays. He used to take the children camping each summer for example (he got the girls through grade 5 music theory by doing some every day on the camping trip), he took to Disney Paris (you'd have to pay me to endure such an awful place) and when our oldest won herself a cruise down the Nile he took her (which I will always remember as the two youngest ones had chickenpox and I was working full time so it was a very very hard time at home whilst the other two were living it up on their cruise). We once left the oldest 2 with their nanny and their grandparents when they were 1 and 3 and I was pregnant with number 3, for a week without them. They were okay but we did n't want to do it again with such little ones. It didn't feel quite right

bonkersLFDT20 Wed 29-Oct-14 16:59:29

My DH does way more childcare of our younger son than I do. He works more p/t than me in a job will allowed him the whole summer off.

So, he and the two boys went to France while I stayed at home working. It was BLISS I tell you. I love my job and in the evenings I could do as I wished. It was my little break from everything. I caught up with friends, could do my running and boot camp w/o clock watching, the house was as I like it. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

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