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to find it offensive to be reffered to as "Goldilocks"

(108 Posts)
BlueSuedeStiletto Wed 29-Oct-14 04:50:27

This actually happened a while ago and it's been bothering me ever since. I genuinely don't know whether I over reacted here.

I was in my town's main shopping centre and walked past a stand promoting a charity (can't remember what for, possibly Syrian children) and the bloke yelled out to me "hey Goldilocks, can you come for a chat?". It immeadiately got my back up and a snapped at him- something along the lines of "how dare you speak to me like that" and carried on into the shop.

I calmed down and realised that reaction probably wasn't that helpful (and he only looked about 18 bless him) so I went back to explain. I told him that it sounded really sexist and that it's offensive. He replied that he does it to everyone- men included- to get attention. I then said that even so, it's not nice to focus in on an aspect of someone's personal appearance- how would he like it if I called out "hey beardy piercing face" or something to that effect. I pointed out that what he singles out might be that one thing a person is insecure about- and that not everyone will have the confidence I do to confront him, so he may be unwittingly upsetting people.

He told me he gets perhaps one complaint every couple of days about his approach, and he needs to be different to get attention. He promised to take my comments on board. Tbh He seemed like a really nice lad doing what I imagine is a difficult job- but I just don't think that approach is acceptable.

AIBU?

Jolleigh Wed 29-Oct-14 05:30:43

Yep, YABU. As he said, he does it to everyone (I believe him - I've done that job) so he's not necessarily being sexist, just using an identifying feature to address people as he doesn't know their names. If you do that kind of work, you soon realise that the polite "excuse me miss" approach will pretty much never work.

Sheilathegreat Wed 29-Oct-14 05:36:55

YANBU

I had a charity collector attempt to get my attention by calling me 'yummy mummy', a phrase I utterly despise. I just glared at him and carried on. I think the fact you explained your feelings to him meant you dealt with the situation much better than me!

BlueSuedeStiletto Wed 29-Oct-14 05:36:58

Yeah that's what he said.

I don't know. I can believe the not sexist thing- he didn't seem that way inclined really. I just don't like focussing in on an aspect of someone's appearance, even if you think you're doing it in a positive way. Plus on a personal level, as a grown woman, I'd rather not be referred to as Goldilocks. Im about as far from a sweet little (albeit breaking and entering) girl as you can get!

BlueSuedeStiletto Wed 29-Oct-14 05:38:53

@Sheilathegreat- at least he stopped short of calling you a MILF!

chrome100 Wed 29-Oct-14 05:40:24

YABU. And over reacted.

honeysucklejasmine Wed 29-Oct-14 05:42:58

I've had things like "wow, red bag! Great bag! Hi red bag lady!" etc which i guess is preferable if you have to be shouted at in the street. hmm

saintsandpoets Wed 29-Oct-14 05:45:58

One bloke where I live uses 'oh my god, you look so alike, are you sisters?'

Last time he did it I was with my best friend. I am white British, she is Chinese. Didn't bother me too much, but it really fucked my friend off!

Felyne Wed 29-Oct-14 06:15:39

Also been called "yummy Mummy" here, and it's so utterly something I am NOT that it wasn't even flattering, it was patronising. I too glared and carried on.

whois Wed 29-Oct-14 06:19:11

As long as he isn't shouting out 'hey ugly' I can't get awfully worked up about this. I think you over reacted n

CaptainAnkles Wed 29-Oct-14 06:21:37

Its the 'cheer up darlin, it might never happen' comments that piss me off from chuggers etc. I don't walk around with a huge grin for no reason because I would look insane.

BlueSuedeStiletto Wed 29-Oct-14 06:37:19

I know it wasn't a nasty comment- I just don't generally like it when strangers get personal! I find it irritating in a similar way to getting told by random blokes to "cheer up" or someone commenting on my boobs.

Tbh I really don't like getting chugged either.

LadyLuck10 Wed 29-Oct-14 06:48:51

Yes yabu and a real uptight person. Your reaction was ott, you could have just ignored and walked on.

BlueGreenHazelGreen Wed 29-Oct-14 07:02:14

Sorry, YABU. A bit of an over reaction.

Expedititition Wed 29-Oct-14 07:04:41

You should make friends with the alphabet coding lady from the other thread. You would be very happy together.

kinkytoes Wed 29-Oct-14 07:07:16

Yeh there's bigger things in life to worry about imo. I thought you were going to say it was a work colleague or similar in which case you may have had my sympathy.

Purplevicki Wed 29-Oct-14 07:08:04

ha ha ha! Nice one!

Purplevicki Wed 29-Oct-14 07:09:01

I mean... Nice one about suggesting a friendship with alphabet coding person!!

Roussette Wed 29-Oct-14 07:10:41

Good grief, does it matter? Poor lad, he was only trying to be friendly and doing a job. He hardly said "hey, fatty" did he? I would never have given it another thought and I don't suppose he's going to forget the lecture from you!
Why is it sexist? Just because it's a man calling a woman Goldilocks? It's better than 'mate' which just about everyone calls everyone nowadays.

hesterton Wed 29-Oct-14 07:12:02

Good you explained it. Hopefully he understood a bit and maybe he'll think twice about his approach.

Nospringflower Wed 29-Oct-14 07:17:56

It would annoy me. So would shouting red hand bag lady. Would make me want them to piss right off but I guess it must work for them.

Shesparkles Wed 29-Oct-14 07:19:34

As the owner of long blonde hair, I don't think I could actually bring myself to care about a comment like that

nic013 Wed 29-Oct-14 07:20:44

I'm sure the man didn't mean to be offensive but you were right to point out to him that it may upset some people. I'm a very insular person and I don't really like strangers interacting with me, irrespective of if they're talking arse or just making pleasant conversation, but that's my problem, not theirs.

zippey Wed 29-Oct-14 07:21:31

I don't think you are being entirely unreasonable. Your feelings are your own, and although they weren't meant to cause offence, different people are offended by different things.

It's like shouting out "hey black beauty" or "alright my ginger biscuit" or "hey humpty" or something like that.

Also some feminists may say its inbuilt sexism, which is probably true. What does he say for guys? Alright mate probably or something like that.

MrsMaker83 Wed 29-Oct-14 07:25:06

I'm blonde. I wouldn't be insulted by being called goldilocks...

You've every right to be offended, everyones feelings are different, but i do think you over reacted.

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