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To expect this?

(122 Posts)
Pyjamaramadrama Tue 28-Oct-14 19:14:04

Prepared to get flamed but aibu to expect dp to use a coaster.

I have wood effect furniture throughout my house it's the best I could afford at the time, it's nice but budget furniture.

Dp refuses to use coasters, I've noticed a drinks ring on the bedside table, it's not just a stain it's actually bubbled the wood effect covering from a hot drink. I mentioned it but he denies it, it's on his side of the bed.

There are plenty of coasters around the house yet he will walk in and put a drink or hot dinner plate directly onto the coffee table. I ask nicely "can you use a coaster please" and he goes off on one saying that he can do whatever he wants, I shouldn't be trying to rule over him, I need to get a grip, he should be able to put his drink where he likes.

I point out that it's only to save the table and he could also put it on the floor as it won't damage the carpet. Usually he then says if I want it on a coaster I should just do it myself rather than upsetting him.

I'm not fussy or house proud at all but I don't want a table covered in ring marks, I need my furniture to last and it makes no difference to put a drink on a coaster.

Tiredmumno1 Tue 28-Oct-14 19:16:51

I would say YANBU it really isn't hard to use a coaster, if they are there. Your DH is BU grin

Pyjamaramadrama Tue 28-Oct-14 19:17:57

Btw even ds always uses one, there are plenty around I don't stack them but place them out for people to use but he puts his drink next to one not on one.

should just do it myself rather than upsetting him. - but it's ok for him to upset you by repeatedly ignoring you and ruining your furniture? He doesn't sound very pleasant tbh.

OwlinaTree Tue 28-Oct-14 19:20:52

He sounds like he's phobic. Is his mum incredibly houseproud?

YouTheCat Tue 28-Oct-14 19:21:58

He sounds very disrespectful.

pippinleaf Tue 28-Oct-14 19:23:03

Glue coasters to the bottom of all your mugs and glasses?

Put sticky back plastic on your furniture?

That would drive me mad too. I hate it when my husband leaves the loo seat up and then flushes. I worry about germs being sprayed everywhere.

Pyjamaramadrama Tue 28-Oct-14 19:28:35

She has a nicer tidier home than me but I don't think she's ott, I'm not sure.

It just feels as though he doesn't give a shit about my things but I thought perhaps I really am being precious.

We used to argue about piss on the toilet rim and dripped on the floor. I just asked that he wiped it up, he'd say he didn't notice and I should just clean it up without saying anything. Now he sits down to wee (not my suggestion), as he 'can't do anything round here'.

Fed up.

Summerisle1 Tue 28-Oct-14 19:31:57

I truly can't see how anyone can be phobic about coasters. I can see how your DP is fucking rude though. Why ruin furniture just for the sake of it? Is he 12? Or just a completely self-centred individual who likes to make a drama out of perfectly reasonable requests?

MangoBiscuit Tue 28-Oct-14 19:34:14

What a knobber! How the hell does he think it's ok to damage someone else's property? Then he has the gall to get upset with you?

"he can't do anything round here" he can do plenty actually, just sounds like he can't be arsed.

MrsWembley Tue 28-Oct-14 19:35:44


But it does sound like there is an underlying problem here.

WerewolfBarMitzvah Tue 28-Oct-14 19:36:52

If he changed his behaviour to stop pissing in the floor (grim) then he can learn to use a coaster.

RainbowRabbit33 Tue 28-Oct-14 19:38:16

Twat. Him not you, obviously.

bloodyteenagers Tue 28-Oct-14 19:38:46

So why are you with this pathetic selfish man child?

Littlef00t Tue 28-Oct-14 19:41:32

If you request politely and it's not an unreasonable burden, he should be more than willing to comply with your requests as they make you happy.

If he cares about you, he should want to make you happy.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 28-Oct-14 19:42:20

"he goes off on one saying that he can do whatever he wants"
He is an arse. Why else would he deliberately damage furniture? YANBU.

PixieofCatan Tue 28-Oct-14 19:44:50

Get rid. I don't say that often, but he's purposely upsetting you and has no respect for your things.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 28-Oct-14 19:45:02

OP, does he actually live with you? Did he move straight from his mother's house to yours?

Pyjamaramadrama Tue 28-Oct-14 19:45:22

I honestly thought I might get told I'm being fussy and picky, or I should get better or more suitable furniture or something.

I'm completely fed up with little things like this all the time and feeling like in a complete nag or not good enough as I should be sorting it out myself.

Little things like loading the dishwasher but splattering food and splashes of drinks all over the wall in the process, leaving the tap partly running last thing at night when I'm on a water meter, if I put my phone on the bed airing the duvet sending my phone flying across the room, putting his feet on the table on kicking my phone across the room, then telling me it shouldn't be there.

MrsAmaretto Tue 28-Oct-14 19:49:41

Does he live with you???

YANBU, he's treating you with utter contempt and it doesn't sound like life is fun. My 4year old does not pee on the toilet rim or floor, and he uses & looks for coasters!

Pyjamaramadrama Tue 28-Oct-14 19:51:14

No he has his own house, which is lovely but rather dirty, and his mum has been known to clean it, he would blame that on me as he spends more time here, but he doesn't clean here either.

We're supposed to be buying our own house together but that's a whole other story, and I'm fed up and feel a bit depressed to be honest.

ENormaSnob Tue 28-Oct-14 19:54:28

Get rid of this cock end.

JumpAndTwist Tue 28-Oct-14 19:54:29

Do not buy a house with him.

Why are you with him at all?

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 28-Oct-14 19:55:28

I would give some serious thought to the idea of giving up your own place. I'm sorry OP, but this manchild has an attitude problem, and it is not going to improve with you giving up your independence and the ability to tell him to sling his disrespectful hook.

exWifebeginsat40 Tue 28-Oct-14 19:56:00

sorry - i got to the part where he doesn't even live with you and i couldn't not reply.

good GOD what is his issue? tell him he can shape up or ship out. how long have you been together? i think somebody needs reminding that even his mother wasn't put on this earth to tidy up after him.

if this is anything less than either the love of your life, or the only match on earth for a vital transplant you desperately need, he wants telling to fuck off.

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