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11 year old playing 18 video games at sleepover

(83 Posts)
Pupsiecola Tue 28-Oct-14 14:29:43

I'm sure this has come up before. DS will play age appropriate games on the Kindle/computer. He's seen 12 films if we've seen them or read about them on imdb. He's seen a couple of 15 films (James Bond). He's never seen an 18 film or played an 18 game.

He's come back from a sleepover and he's played a violent 18 game with his friend and his friend's dad. I'm really bloody cross. How dare another parent make this choice?! Of course DS doesn't really get what the problem is and thinks this dad is so cool. We are not killjoys. But I really think that allowing an 11 year old, let alone someone else's child, to play for at least 2 hours last night and again this morning is unacceptable. I don't know whether to say sth to these parents or just let it go and not let him go there again.

AIBU

26Point2Miles Tue 28-Oct-14 15:10:56

That's what happens with this 'sleepover' culture. Who knows what a child faces in a home where you barely know who is in it!

Which game was it?

MrsTerrorPratchett Tue 28-Oct-14 15:12:09

Wants to be 'cool Dad'. Bloody idiot.

Coolas Tue 28-Oct-14 15:15:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pupsiecola Tue 28-Oct-14 15:17:46

No he is not exaggerating. It's Modern Warfare 4.

Coooeee Tue 28-Oct-14 15:19:40

Yanbu - I would be upset. Depending on how I got on with parents I would speak to them, or not allow any further aleepovers. Rule at my house is if it's not a pg then I have to speak to parents for permission to play game/watch DVD. Although my boy is 11 and only has 2 x 12 rated games.... My boy knows the rules thou and has said that he's not allowed to watch/play when he's at friends houses. I have had phone calls from friends mums asking for permission before

TipseyTorvey Tue 28-Oct-14 15:23:05

YANU , worked for a few years in games and getting the Pegi rating at 18 means it has seriously adult content not suitable for under 18s at all! Would that parent put them in front of an 18 movie too I wonder?

ScreamEggsAndHam Tue 28-Oct-14 15:25:59

YANBU unreasonable at all - I have an 11 year old ds and I only let him play age suitable games. Would not be happy at ALL if another parent decided to make that decision for me and let him play an 18! angry

Moghedien Tue 28-Oct-14 15:45:51

What's a 'sleepover culture'? hmm

YANBU. We allow our DS some things which are a higher cert, but that's our choice to make as parents. No one should have made the choice for you.

gentlehoney Tue 28-Oct-14 17:06:12

Maybe they were playing the demo mode with pg content? clutching at straws

sickntiredtoo Tue 28-Oct-14 17:21:04

If you let your children go to someone else's house then you can't expect things to be done by your rules.Outside the parallel universe that is mn, many many 11 yo boys play these games.

joanofarchitrave Tue 28-Oct-14 17:24:50

I hope I would say something... certainly if they invited him again, I would.

sickntired - it's not just her rules, it's the entire game industry's rules - not completely unreasonable that someone would call and say 'how are you about this', it certainly happens round here.

Coolas Tue 28-Oct-14 17:25:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I8toys Tue 28-Oct-14 17:27:43

I agree with sickntiredtoo.

YANBU to not want you child to play these games but YABU to expect others to abide by your rules in their own homes.

DS1 is 11 and this happens at his friends house. His friend's dad treats like friends and not children. I don't like it but DS1 knows that he is not allowed these games at home and we have certain rules in our home.

donkir Tue 28-Oct-14 17:31:26

My 12 year old ds is allowed to play 18 games but only for 1hr a week and never after 6. If his friends were coming over then I would check that they were ok to play to just like I would check with parents about any allergies or intolerances.
Maybe if he goes again then it's something you can say but for now it seems a bit pointless in bringing it up as its done now.

Moghedien Tue 28-Oct-14 17:42:07

You're right I8toys. Its about house rules! Not about the suitability of the content for a child. This image is fine. Totally fine.

Pretending to stab someone like this at 11, so cool. I bet the kids love you.

gentlehoney Tue 28-Oct-14 17:42:07

Your son is old enough to understand his family rules and refuse to do something that isnt allowed.
Better to make your expectations very clear to him, rather than rely on other parents co-operating.

Nanny0gg Tue 28-Oct-14 17:43:19

Maybe if he goes again then it's something you can say but for now it seems a bit pointless in bringing it up as its done now.

Why pointless? Maybe they'll think again and ask the next time their DC has a friend over.

Moghedien Tue 28-Oct-14 17:45:58

"Your son is old enough to understand his family rules and refuse to do something that isnt allowed."

Maybe, but at the that age then don't have the maturity to understand why we say no to things like this. Sometimes it's just seen as 'Mum's rules are crap, everyone else does it.' If an 11 year old had the skills and reasoning to do exactly what's best for them rather than what they want to do parenting teens would be a fucking doddle.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 28-Oct-14 17:49:19

I just wouldn't let him go again

I always check what's allowed - in this way I have found out that some other foolish parent was having a mixed sex sleepover at 13 with no adults in the room hmm

There are some real fuckwits out there

I8toys Tue 28-Oct-14 17:50:07

Wow aggressive much Moghedien - I am not saying the content is fine. My children don't have these games - I thought I made that clear.

But you cannot tell others what to do in their own homes. If you don't like it - don't let your child go for the sleepover.

If you want to single your child out then don't let them go but most children that have older brothers and dads that play these games are exposed to them. My youngest DS2 is 8 and many of his friends at school have been exposed to these games at some point.

Pupsiecola Tue 28-Oct-14 17:57:49

Moghedien my point entirely. It's not about wanting others to abide by my rules. These ratings are there for a reason. Isn't it just common sense and the right approach to parenting?! I can understand there being muddy waters if he was say 15/16, but he's 11.

As to him knowing what the rules are and being able to stick to them, it's never come up so he probably didn't even really know what to say. We've never sat down and had a chat about it, because up until now it's never been an issue and I honestly (knowing this family, and knowing that the dad actually works in the film industry so is clued up on certifications) never thought that they'd be playing such a game.

The DSs don't go on sleep overs very often. Mainly because they still need their sleep and I find it makes them hellish for days. But we have moved areas/countries twice in two years and I want to be supportive in nurturing their friendships and these are all good kids hence my surprise. I'm loathe to say anything because this is a very "everyone knows everyone" kind of area, we are new kids on the block and I don't want him (or myself) excluded for kicking up a fuss. But this is a big issue for us and not something I want to compromise on for the sake of upsetting people...

Thanks for all the feedback so far.

Moghedien Tue 28-Oct-14 17:57:50

What's the point of not allowing the games if you're letting them play them elsewhere?

Many of my son's friends have older brother's and Dads. They do lots of things that aren't appropriate for children, they don't include him in the activity though. Because he's a child. I'm sure some of them smoke, drink, watch other 18+ material. Doesn't mean I have to single my son out or accept him being shown inappropriate material.

DS has some 12 films. One quick call to a pals mum, can he watch X - yes or no. I get the same calls. It's discrete to the kids and just good sense.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Tue 28-Oct-14 17:58:02

YANBU.
I wouldn't let him go again.

However, your DS will face all kinds of situations like this throughout his teens. You cannot control the actions of others but you should be able to expect your DS to make the right choices in accordance with your house rules.
If this were my child I would be extremely cross that they had disobeyed my rules even if they were in somebody else's home.
Dd, who is 13, text me from a sleepover last week to check I was ok with the film they were watching. Your son should have known this wasn't ok.

Moghedien Tue 28-Oct-14 18:01:24

X posted Pupsie.

Hope you can get this resolved. FWIW I'm the uncool Mum who doesn't allow these COD, MW, Grand Theft Auto games, my son still has friends - very popular and not excluded for it. Not his fault Mum doesn't want him virtually hitting prostitutes with a bat to get their money back. grin

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