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To be annoyed at my friend accidentally letting my baby dunk his hand in her hot tea

(116 Posts)
Flingmoo Mon 27-Oct-14 23:39:00

A couple of days later and this is still on my mind for some reason. Mainly just venting here.

I was visiting a couple of young, childless friends and we were all drinking tea. I put my mug far away from where I sat while holding 5mo DS as I'm paranoid about hot drink safely. My friends love holding my baby so I handed him over.

I saw their mugs and the danger crossed my mind but for some stupid reason I held my tongue and assumed they'd be careful with my little PFB. Turned my back to chat to the other friend and suddenly heard my baby scream out in pain. My friend had her tea too close to the edge of the table and being 5 months old he's now a lot more wriggly than last time they saw him, he'd flapped his arms and dunked a hand in her mug, which then tipped over and went all over my friend.

I do feel responsible as I'm his mother and should have pointed out the danger or just moved her mug myself. But I was also very pissed off that she didn't prevent this. I didn't tell her off because I didn't want to let it ruin the day, but inside I was seething, she seemed to blame the baby rather than expressing any guilt. I don't think she even said sorry. Surely she felt guilty. She just seemed a bit awkward afterwards.

She's one of my best and oldest friends and now I don't trust her to babysit for him in the future, if she's this oblivious to risk. I thought it would be obvious but perhaps non parents are not so safety aware?

I should add that DS was okay in the end, it didn't seem to have scalded him as after a quick run under the cold tap and a comfort feed he forgot about it and there was no mark. The tea had milk in which must've reduced the temperature. But the sight of him looking up at me in shock screaming with that "mummy, it hurts!" look on his face broke my heart sad

I know I'm responsible but still a bit annoyed with said friend.

saintlyjimjams Mon 27-Oct-14 23:42:41

Like you said it was an accident. And he was fine. Would she even want to babysit?

missbishi Mon 27-Oct-14 23:45:13

TBH, it probably wouldn't have occurred to your friend to move the mug if she has no children herself. Really, you should have pointed it out. YANBU to be upset over DS, their little faces can be absolutely heartwrenching. YABU to blame your friend though, please don't let this spoil a good friendship.

DiaDuit Mon 27-Oct-14 23:45:25

It was an accident. One that you were just as capable of preventing as your friend was and probably one you were better placed to predict being the parent and knowing your child's stages of development. You even said that you dismissed the thought yourself so you saw the risk and decided not to prevent it. Your friend probably didnt even get that far! Stop being annoyed with your friend. Its just you transferring your own guilt and not fair.

CurlyhairedAssassin Mon 27-Oct-14 23:46:02

Sorry, I think you are wrong tobe mad at your friend. You said yourself that they are childless so the need to move hot drinks well out of the way not in the forefront of their mind , they hadn't realised how wriggly your ds had become, and yet you STILL didn't warn them, even though you noticed that the cup was too near.

In my book that makes YOU negligent. And your poor friend probably got the shock of her life, as well as having hot tea poured all over her.

I think you're being unreasonable to blame her - there is no reason why you couldn't have handed your baby to her, then said "I'd better move your mug, he's really into grabbing at things at the moment and might just lunge at it."

MummyBeerest Mon 27-Oct-14 23:47:27


It was an accident, on both your parts. He survived.

She may not be chopping at the bit to babysit either.

Flingmoo Mon 27-Oct-14 23:48:20

She would want to babysit, she loves DS, especially as I'm the first of us friends to have a baby. I'd feel bad having to give her a baby safety 101 class but not sure I'd entirely trust her otherwise - I'm not normally one of these helicopter types!

Yes you're right, I won't let it ruin our friendship. It's one of these things I'll feel a bit peeved about for a while but not forever.

Pooka Mon 27-Oct-14 23:49:02

I'm a parent of 3 and yet still dc3 managed to spill coffee down himself.

I would have had even less of a clue than I clearly have now prior to having dcs.

Accidents happen - even with maternal risk management.

I would forget about it. By all means cross her off babysitting duties. Pre dc I would have been delighted not to babysit and despite liking seeing friends' dcs really wasn't into looking after them myself.

CookieB Mon 27-Oct-14 23:49:52

You should have pointed out, sorry. Wouldn't have occurred to me pre-dc!

Flingmoo Mon 27-Oct-14 23:50:14

I will have to be more assertive in future with making sure other people's hot drinks/other hazards are kept out or reach!

Pooka Mon 27-Oct-14 23:50:42

Xpost re: desire to babysit! smile

DiaDuit Mon 27-Oct-14 23:52:39

I will have to be more assertive in future with making sure other people's hot drinks/other hazards are kept out or reach!

More assertive? confused you didnt say anything! A simple "i'll lift that cup out of his reach" will do.

You are making it out as if you tried to prevent it but were ignored.

Flingmoo Mon 27-Oct-14 23:54:24

What I meant by 'assertive' was to be a bit less shy about just stepping in and moving someone elses hot drink, or telling them to do so

Mmmicecream Mon 27-Oct-14 23:54:52

Non parents aren't as safety aware - I think that in these situations it's the parents' job to let other people know the risks. I don't think you can blame your friend if you didn't say anything yourself.

In fact there is always a chance that moving the cup did occur to her, but as you seemed fine, decided not to.

Flingmoo Mon 27-Oct-14 23:57:13

I think my problem at the time was that I didn't want to seem patronising or overbearing. But that was just silly. I don't know why I didn't just do or say something before it had the chance to happen. sad I've been beating myself up a little despite the fact he was fine! Like missbishi mentioned! it's their little faces that make you feel terrible!

Flingmoo Mon 27-Oct-14 23:58:01

Oops, did one too many exclamation marks there.

ColdTeaAgain Tue 28-Oct-14 00:00:03

Next time don't be embarrassed at moving a hot drink or any other hazzard for someone else, especially people without children. I probably would of been fairly oblivious to things like that pre-children, but when you become a parent, suddenly danger is everywhere! wink

TheFillyjonk Tue 28-Oct-14 00:01:17

Dont beat yourself up too much. It sounds like you're actually more annoyed at yourself for not saying or doing something than at your friend, though.

I'm glad your DS was okay. Was your friend okay after tipping hot tea over herself?

ColdTeaAgain Tue 28-Oct-14 00:02:47

They wouldn't of taken any offence at you moving the cup saying "I'll move that for you just in case he tries to grab it!"

Gruntfuttock Tue 28-Oct-14 00:05:02

I wouldn't ask her to babysit, because she woulld neither know nor care about any potential dangers. Some people just don't unfortunately.

motherofmonster Tue 28-Oct-14 00:05:49

It was a accident they happen. Being a parent i think you notice risks that you just never saw before.
I have become one of those annoying people when in someone's house automatically push the kettle to the back of the work top grin

Coolas Tue 28-Oct-14 00:10:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuchessofKirkcaldy Tue 28-Oct-14 00:15:46

Sorry but I think you sound negligent.
You admit your friend did not know your child's stage of development. You did, but chose to ignore a risk.
You then pass the blame onto someone else to deflect parental responsibility.
As a mother you need to learn to stand up for your child. I am sorry your baby got hurt.

ColdTeaAgain Tue 28-Oct-14 00:16:59

Of course the OP's friend cares Gruntfuttock, why wouldn't she? It was a simple accident and it most probably made her feel awful and she'll be far more aware in future. We all learn by mistakes at times.

ChillingGrinBloodLover Tue 28-Oct-14 00:22:41

He got a bit of a fright, that's all, he'd have cried if it had been really cold as well. Absolutely no harm done. As for being miffed at your friend for not saying sorry, she had the rest of it tipped over her, she was probably a bit shocked too... it's not really a 'sorry' situation, she didn't 'do' anything wrong other than not react fast enough to your DS flapping his hands about. If you take this much umbridge at every little thing and decide all of your friends need 'baby safety 101' classes hmm you are sharp going to run out of friends. He's your first baby, it's natural to be a bit over protective but you are going to have to find a healthier balance than this or you are going to be a wreck.

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