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To HATE the way my friends educate their children?

(759 Posts)
Littlefrenchmummy Sat 25-Oct-14 21:25:18

I love reading things on mumsnet, especially this section. Today I was confronted with a situation that happens so often in my life and really gets me angry... You ladies are very honest so tell me if Im being a bitch or if you would feel the same.

Today my husband and I caught up with some old friends, like us they have a 4 year old boy. From the minute we met to when we left he trantrumed. He cried for EVERYTHING and not once was disciplined. (By that I dont mean punched in the face btw, I just mean told to behave).
He cried because he could only use his bike and not his scooter (sat on the pavement and screamed for 10 mins while we waited. Eventually parents gave in).
He cried because we crossed the road before him.
He cried because we were talking.
He cried because he couldn't get juice at the restaurant even though his parents were ordering him the juice.
He stood on tables, rode his scooter in the restaurant, shouted constantly.
He wouldn't speak to my son, only watch cartoons on his parents phone, wouldn't share the crayons to draw even though he didn't want to draw.
Kicked his brothers pram while he was sleeping. Etc etc... And all his parents were saying was "OH NO, if you do this again we are going to get cross!"

I just can't bare it. Its so horrible to sit through this, you can't have a conversation, my son isn't having fun, people at the restaurant are staring. I never want to hang out with my friends again. I love them but I hate their child, or more exactly I hate the way they educate him and turn him into complete dick head.

I have so many friends like them... so so many. Some worse, some less, but the result is the same: hanging out with them is painful. People who think you dont need to educate your children, that they have 'difficult' kid who cry a lot. They think its normal that if their child screams their name in the middle of a conversation, 10x times during 1 conversation, they should always stop and say yes darling instead of teaching them not to interrupt and wait while adults are talking.

I know some children are more difficult than others and that disorders exist. One of my son's is difficult and has a terrible character, still he doesn't behave like this. If I let him he would but I dont. I also have friends who have children with disorders, but in the cases Im talking about, its just complete lack of education.

Im loosing so many friends over this. I stop answering calls and make excuses not to hang out with them because I can't tell them how to educate their children. Who can tell a mother in the face that you dont like their child's behaviour? How awkward would that be?

We have made such a cut in our friends and now I am so picky. it sucks !
But why aren't people educating their children to behave?

Am I being unreasonable to feel this way or do other parents feel like this?

baskingseals Sat 25-Oct-14 21:26:53

Could you say if you have children or not?

Heels99 Sat 25-Oct-14 21:27:30

Yanbu. They don't sound fun to hang out with. Meet up,with the parents without the kids.

Asleeponasunbeam Sat 25-Oct-14 21:27:58

Yes YABU. People do things differently. I wouldn't be friends with someone who said their child had a 'terrible character'. But you clearly think that's fine...

Heels99 Sat 25-Oct-14 21:28:11

Op says One Of her children is difficult so obviously she has childrn

baskingseals Sat 25-Oct-14 21:30:09

Oh sorry, you mentioned your son, so obviously you do. I do think some people find parenting really really hard. They don't want their children to behave in the way you described, but are unable to effectively deal with it.
Are any of these people close friends?

notoneforselfies Sat 25-Oct-14 21:30:17

"One of my sons is difficult and has a terrible character" shock

Coolas Sat 25-Oct-14 21:30:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluetoes Sat 25-Oct-14 21:30:40

What do you mean by one of your sons " has a terrible character"?

MrsPnut Sat 25-Oct-14 21:30:53

Some parents are like this, just distance yourself and move on.
I never make a threat that I'm not prepared to carry out and my kids know it so they don't bother carrying on when I give them the look.

Basking - the OP mentions sons in her post so I'd assume she has more than one child.

hazeyjane Sat 25-Oct-14 21:31:49

basking, the op says they have children.

It seems a little odd that all your friends are like this, I have lots of friends with children and although we all have different ways of bringing up our kids, I don't think I have ever thought that I don't want to spend time with them because of the way they treat their, unless me and dh are the parents that everyone is thinking this about!!

Coolas Sat 25-Oct-14 21:31:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsItMeOr Sat 25-Oct-14 21:32:07

Wow Asleep, I didn't spot that. You're right, that is far worse in my book than the parenting she's describing.

LambCallaway05 Sat 25-Oct-14 21:32:35

YANBU. It shocks me how comfortable some parents are in allowing their children to behave in both public and private. It's like they are totally blind to the effect bad behaviour has on others.

Greythorne Sat 25-Oct-14 21:33:18

I think the OP is French and is paraphrasing a French expression when she says her son has a terrible character. It means so ethnic more like 'strong personality' I think.

Coolas Sat 25-Oct-14 21:33:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coolas Sat 25-Oct-14 21:34:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluetoes Sat 25-Oct-14 21:35:46

I think you should just find different friends, if this is such a big issue for you. It's irrelevant if we think YABU or not; if you really can't tolerate it then stop hanging out with them

LemonBreeland Sat 25-Oct-14 21:36:42

YANBU. I know a woman who was like this when her son was small. Resulted in her being unable to cope with his behaviour and at the age of 9 she gave up on him and sent him off to live with his Dad! shock

I wouldn't see them with the kids in future. If it is not possible to see them without the kids then I would give up on the friendship.

notoneforselfies Sat 25-Oct-14 21:37:27

Oh ok, if that's the case then sorry, OP. Yanbu.

ItsGotBellsOn Sat 25-Oct-14 21:37:30

You sound like a misery.

He is four. At that age, some kids can be really difficult. I have two children - one was all sweetness and light at that age, the other was an emotional, stroppy, rebellious little pain in the behind. Point is - he was FOUR.

If you cant stand to be around him and think its OK to berate his parents so harshly for their approach, drop them as friends. I am sure they wont mind.

Gennz Sat 25-Oct-14 21:38:00

I don't think you're being unreaosnable at all. I find it weird how so many parents seem reluctant to pull their kids into line, especially in public places. I don't think my siblings and I were paragons of virtue but if we acted up in public we got a Level 5 Death Stare from my mother and if that didn't do the trick, the Vice Like Grip around the arm usually did (followed up by the " I Was So Ashamed Of You!" speech in the car on the way home). Now I notice a lot of parents doing nothing or an ineffectual "pleeease don't do that darling" when their kids are behaving like barbarians. I'm all about the 80's school of parenting myself.

LadyLuck10 Sat 25-Oct-14 21:38:11

Yanbu, that child sounds awful and a total brat. I would distance myself in case your kids pick on that bad behaviour.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 25-Oct-14 21:38:34

I went out a while ago with a friend whose 5 yr old daughter completely ruined our meal out with constant tantrumming, followed by wishy washy telling off; I honestly feel like she should have paid for our meals since the whole meal out, a treat, was horrid. She keeps contacting me to go out again and I keep finding excuses.
I'm no supermum, but telling off isn't that difficult, a tantrum wouldn't be acceptable for me.

Littlefrenchmummy Sat 25-Oct-14 21:39:31

Yes sorry im French ! Bad character I mean bad temper. I don't know what bad character means in English? Something awful obviously !

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