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dp and I have separate rooms

(98 Posts)
calculatorsatdawn Sat 25-Oct-14 14:43:54

Dp is moving in in a few weeks time. This isn't a massive leap as he currently lives a couple of streets away and the norm for us for a while has been, weekdays at mine and weekends at his. When he stays at mine he sleeps in the spare room and when he moves in this is how we plan to continue, he will have a bedroom and so will I. We both have quitedemanding jobs and value a good nights kip and the best way of achieving that is separate beds. I told my friend about this and she thinks it's weird (this doesn't bother me, she's been my best friend for 20+years she can express any opinion she likes to me). I know so many people who live together who moan about having having a crappy nights sleep because their partner was snoring or couldn't sleep yet insist on sleeping next to each other. Aibu in not really seeing the point? You've got your eyes shut, the only time you're aware they're there is if they are disturbing you. I also wonder if having sseparate beds is way more common than people think

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 25-Oct-14 14:46:20

DH and I go through phases of sleeping in separate rooms. Tbh now I have a new Job which I'm finding quite demanding I'm considering making it a permanent thing. We both sleep so much better on our own.

OraProNobis Sat 25-Oct-14 14:46:30

I completely agree with you. Separate rooms here for last 15 years and all the happier for it. I think it's weird to expect a good night's sleep in a confined space with another person!

ARGHtoAHHH Sat 25-Oct-14 14:47:52

If we didn't have separate rooms, one of us would have killed the other many years ago.

NaiceNickname Sat 25-Oct-14 14:48:05

I don't know. I'm 33 weeks pregnant right now and last night actually wished that I had another bed to hop into because every time I moved I was disturbing DH. But I think that there is something quite intimate about sharing a bed at night, I imagine I'd feel a lot like a roommate if we both went off to separate rooms at night no matter how much it meant I or he would have an undisturbed sleep.

But if it works for you then I guess that's all that matters! Different strokes for different folks an all that smile

UngratefulMoo Sat 25-Oct-14 14:49:17

Each to their own, but we love being together. We do have a super-king bed though with an amazing mattress so once we turn over to go to sleep we're hardly aware of each other.

nippey Sat 25-Oct-14 14:49:58

My DH and I have separate bedrooms, I wouldn't be able to sleep well otherwise as he works until very late and I get up for work very early and he is not good at coming in quietly!!
All of my friends think it's weird but we are happy smile

VileStatistyx Sat 25-Oct-14 14:50:12

Me and my husband have separate beds. You get a much better quality of sleep without someone hogging the covers, elbowing you in the ribs, breathing into your face, snoring in your ear, scratching your legs with their toenails...

A bed is just a place to sleep. You can do whatever else you want to do and then crawl into separate ones and sleep soundly.

InfinitySeven Sat 25-Oct-14 14:50:55

I'd be gutted if DP wanted a separate bed. But we don't disturb each other and I sleep better with him there, so I guess it's horses for courses.

Fakebook Sat 25-Oct-14 14:51:14

We go through phases of sleeping separately too. I think more couples do this than we think but no one knows because not everyone discusses their sleeping arrangements. Just do what suits you.

browneyedgirl86 Sat 25-Oct-14 14:53:18

I know what you mean. There are times I would quite like DP and I have to have separate rooms when we move in together shortly. I have insomnia and sometimes on the nights we are together I feel bad as I disturb him.

That said I can't imagine we would ever do it. DP would not go for it. I think he would feel hurt if I suggested it.

SASASI Sat 25-Oct-14 14:58:40

We have separate bedrooms ie he keeps his stuff in spare room like a pig sty - but that will be changing when we move next year - sob! I'm slowly training him / threatening to put all his crap into black binders for the dump.

I'm on maternity leave & he works 3 x 12 hr shifts so the nights before work he sleeps in spare room. It really works for us so I can csn totally see why it's a viable option of you both.

In next house we plan to have a sofa bed in the toy room...for visitors of course...but I hope DH finds it comfy smile

I hope the move goes well for you both!

googoodolly Sat 25-Oct-14 15:03:48

DP and I don't have the space for separate rooms, but we have a King sized bed and lots of space in it. He snores so I wear earplugs and it's never been an issue. I would hate not to share a bed with him, so each to their own.

LovleyRitaMeterMaid Sat 25-Oct-14 15:06:52

11 years on and we still sleep tangled up together. I miss him if he's away.

LoathsomeDrab Sat 25-Oct-14 15:12:36

DH and I sleep in separate rooms, we have done since we moved into our current house which is the first we've lived in that had enough bedrooms to do it.

As well as him often working very late into the night/morning we both like very different sleeping environments. He loves to keep his room really warm whereas I like mine to be freezing cold.

It works really well for us.

clam Sat 25-Oct-14 15:23:32

"11 years on and we still sleep tangled up together."

I would HATE that!!! 11 years on, 11 days on. I need my space.
Dh and I sleep in separate rooms as he is an insomniac and cannot sleep if I'm even breathing! We cuddle up before he goes, and then first thing when he nips back in.

We're about to clock up 20 years married though, so it can't be the relationship killer that some predict.

WyrdByrd Sat 25-Oct-14 15:29:55

I'm just envy - would love to have my own bedroom!

FluffyMcnuffy Sat 25-Oct-14 15:42:59

For me there's something very intimate and special about sharing a bed DP, but then again I'm probably very lucky in that we don't really disturb eachother. I tend to wake up a lot in the night and I like being able to cuddle up before I drift off again. Great for a middle of the night spontaneous shag too!

calculatorsatdawn Sat 25-Oct-14 15:47:29

Wyrdbyrd, all his awful furniture is going in there too!

iwishiwasacat Sat 25-Oct-14 15:47:38

Separate rooms is AWESOME!! Seriously, I love it. We often start the night out together and then the other will leave at some point or we get together in the morning for snuggles.

There was a thread recently about this and it seemed a lot of people enjoyed having separate rooms!

gamerchick Sat 25-Oct-14 15:55:23

Separate rooms here as well, I don't sleep well with another adult in the bed.

Idontseeanysontarans Sat 25-Oct-14 16:04:16

We would love our own beds! He snores and I fidget so either I end up sticking a cold toe up his bum waking him up to stop him or he ends up clinging to the side/getting accidentally smacked in the face.
Our own beds would be awesome smile sadly in a 3 bed semi with 3 DC's it's not much of an option, but the day we win the lottery we'll be looking at houses with lots of bedrooms grin

trappedinsuburbia Sat 25-Oct-14 16:06:02

Me and dp can only sleep together if we've been drinking, we both miss the cuddles during the night but we drive each other daft trying to sleep together. We do have plenty of cuddles before going our seperate ways and i do feel sad but we both need a good nights kip.

ILovedYouYesterday Sat 25-Oct-14 16:08:22

Yanbu, as long as you are both happy, it sounds ideal to me.

I would love my own room and the only reason I have not moved out is that I am not leaving DH with a kingsize bed and en-suite to himself while I move into a small single and share a bathroom with the DC!

Once the DC have moved on, I will be having my own room. He's a lark, I'm an owl and we end up creeping around each other. I want to decorate it how I choose, have no crap mess in there but my own and to be able to go to bed at midnight with a cup of tea and read my book with the light on for as long as I want!

Sounds like heaven to me and I am sure you are right and it's more common than people let on.

angeltreats Sat 25-Oct-14 16:18:28


I'm pregnant at the moment, 36 weeks. I've had SPD from about 28 weeks and kicked my husband out into the spare room as soon as it started because neither of us were getting any sleep. He tosses and turns constantly and shakes the whole bed and takes the duvet with him, and gets up fifty times in the night for a wee. I needed a fortress of pillows and still couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, but if I woke up and fancied a read I couldn't turn the light on or even use my phone without him whinging. So I kicked him out and we're both sleeping far better for it.

He sulked at the time and is still sulking but I really couldn't give a shit, if I lost much more sleep I would have also lost the plot. If I'm honest I'm not really looking forward to sharing again full time as he really is quite disruptive to sleep with. It would be better if we had space for a bed bigger than a standard double but unfortunately we don't.

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