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to not know what to do about Santa

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KleineDracheKokosnuss Wed 15-Oct-14 13:27:38

DH suggested I ask you lovely ladies for advice grin. And yes, I know it's not even Halloween yet...

I have a DD, who is two. We are coming up to her first Christmas where she might have a vague idea of what is going on and could understand a little about the various customs. I'm not religious, so Christmas for me is just a mid-winter feast/party/bit of time off work that I can spend with my DH/DD. The problem I have is what to do about St Nick. I can't decide if I should tell her he is real (and have to disabuse her later/risk having her spot that mummy lied) or perhaps take a different approach (in which case what approach?).

In part, I wonder if Terry Pratchett has it right and you have to tell children the small lies (tooth fairy, Santa) in order that they can later wrap their minds around the big 'lies' we use in society in order to be society (truth, justice,...). On the other hand, it just feels really wrong to me.

OP’s posts: |
formerbabe Wed 15-Oct-14 13:29:53

Up to you but if you do tell her the truth, make sure you tell her that many children do believe in Santa so she shouldn't tell them he doesn't exist.

momb Wed 15-Oct-14 13:32:32

If you don't feel comfortable with it then don't do it.
But as requested above, please explain to her that some people do believe. We have a 'believe and you get a gift from santa, don't and parents make up the slack' theory going on in this house so that YD can still believe while all the others are patently too old....

KleineDracheKokosnuss Wed 15-Oct-14 13:38:00

I definitely would make sure she knows that other children do believe in Santa and that she should not tell them otherwise.

OP’s posts: |
Letthemtalk Wed 15-Oct-14 13:39:37

What does not being religious have to do with Santa? Dp and I are atheists, but Santa still comes to our house.

BettyFocker Wed 15-Oct-14 13:44:53

Same as letthemtalk.

Santa comes and puts presents in the stocking. We have a "magic key" so Santa can get in because we don't have a chimney. My non-religious parents did the same with me and I didn't grow up feeling lied to. I figured it out on my own when I was 7 and saw all the wrapped presents in my parents' closet with "From Santa" on the labels. It wasn't even Christmas. I just accepted he wasn't real and carried on enjoying Christmas and the presents

I love Christmas. The "Santa lie" hasn't done me any harm.

LemonadeRayGun Wed 15-Oct-14 13:51:23

Is there anyone (this is a genuine question, not being snippy) who actually felt let down and lied to by their parents when they found out Santa didn't bring the presents on Christmas Eve? I certainly never did.

Santa IS real. Santa is the spirit of Christmas. There might not be a red man with a beard who delivers presents but the magic of Christmas IS real.

We live in a complete fantasy land in my house. It is wonderful. Fairies and Santa and the Easter bunny and magic elves. I am not lying to my children. I am making their lives a little bit wonderful and magical before the mundane drudgery of real life sets in.

I believe in Santa Claus wink grin

BettyFocker Wed 15-Oct-14 13:52:55

I want to come and live with you Lemonade blush

londonrach Wed 15-Oct-14 13:55:27

Sister dd hated the idea of santa coming into her bedroom at that age so we meet santa at the door and he gives us the pressies. It keeps the magic of xmas. She and her db put out mince pies and carrots and its the first thing they check in the morning. I understand why you dont want to lie to your dd but shes a child and why cant see enjoy the magic of xmas. In the end its your dh and your decision. If you decide to tell you need to get your dd to keep the secret from the other children who still believe.

libertychick Wed 15-Oct-14 13:57:52

Ah lemonade, that made me tear up. Totally agree with you.

roundandround51 Wed 15-Oct-14 14:00:45

I cannot understand why you would rob a child of this time.

No one feels betrayed by their parents when they realise Santa isnt real. Its just part of childhood, that disappears once more grown up worries appear

Why the mania for not wanting to let your DD see Mummy lie ?

KleineDracheKokosnuss Wed 15-Oct-14 14:03:13

I don't recall feeling let down Lemonade, but that might just be because I don't remember ever believing in Santa.

OP’s posts: |
KleineDracheKokosnuss Wed 15-Oct-14 14:04:56

I wouldn't call it mania round. I've just never lied to her and I think I'm probably supposed to teach her not to lie, so I'm not sure that telling her Santa exists is that great an idea.

Lemonade's fantasy land does sound quite nice though.

OP’s posts: |
natwebb79 Wed 15-Oct-14 14:06:06

I can honestly say that I have only ever come across this issue on

londonrach Wed 15-Oct-14 14:06:09

Lemonade can i join your world

Floggingmolly Wed 15-Oct-14 14:07:42

having her spot that Mummy lied Yes, you and the other 7 billion people in the world... confused

Redglitter Wed 15-Oct-14 14:10:18

I know I never felt let down by my parents when I heard about Santa.

I love the whole children/Santa aspect of Christmas. I ran a Boys Brigade company for years and even now thinking back to the Christmas parties makes me smile. The boys would sit by the tree with the hall lights out and ding Jingle Bells. During the song Santa would arrive. Seeing the sheer joy and amazement on their faces was wonderful.

I think this will be the last year we have Santa visiting. I'm quite sad about that I think there's something quite magical about a child belief in him

CMOTDibbler Wed 15-Oct-14 14:10:54

For balance, my ds has never really believed in FC/TF etc. I kind of went along with nursery/school with the whole thing, but as long as he's been talking hes said that it can't be real.

But he enjoys a bit of pretence, and seems to enjoy christmas as much as anyone else of his age

starlight1234 Wed 15-Oct-14 14:11:24

I am with natwebb79 .. It is not a lie but creating a fantasy. Do we tell our children snow white is a lie.

My DS is 7 and starting to question it. He hardly slept last year pre christmas he was so excited.

If you speak to the parents of children who are too old to beleive , I often here it is not the same.

OneSkinnyChip Wed 15-Oct-14 14:12:23

I was gutted when I discovered there was no Santa but I'm the first to admit that my powers of imagination are something of a mixed blessing. This will be our DD's first Christmas where she understands about Santa and we will be making the most of it. Childhood is so short and magical.

KnittedJimmyChoos Wed 15-Oct-14 14:12:25

Same here Natwebb its baflfing to me but I am a more romantic type person and loved believing in Father Christmas and all the magic.

Life is a long hard and at many times miserable road with death, break ups, cancer, terminal illness, poverty and so on, it can be a grind.

One of the little miracles is things like Father Christmas that sprinkle some magic into our lives.

YES YES YES i know xmas can be magical without him, but to me, a little child looking into the sky for the sleigh.....

sorry i just dont know why any adult would deny this to a child.

Pyjamaramadrama Wed 15-Oct-14 14:13:24

What Lemonade said. You're over thinking it all a bit.

Every child believes in Santa. I've never known anyone be annoyed with their parents for lying.

It's a small window of childhood and the magic of Christmas and Santa coming and leaving you a surprise is wonderful for children.

And as lemonade said, Santa is real. Ok he doesn't actually come down the chimney every Christmas, but the idea of Santa is very real in our culture.

OneSkinnyChip Wed 15-Oct-14 14:14:01

And what Lemonade and Natwebb said.

roundandround51 Wed 15-Oct-14 14:15:14

Really OP you never lied at all to your DD. Gosh how do you parent a toddler

littlemslazybones Wed 15-Oct-14 14:16:25

You have to teach your child about Christmas otherwise the sun won't come up. <is that right? It has been a long time since I read the Hogfather>

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