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According to "d"P - My 15 year old is the only 15 year old in the world with an attitude

(109 Posts)
GeeGeeAnee Wed 17-Sep-14 08:31:48

I have two boys aged 13 and 15. Both can be difficult at times (as all kids can) but my eldest really isn't a bad kid at all. He's never been in trouble at school or outside of the home, is top set in most of his school subjects, is generally well mannered and well behaved and has kept a paper round up for almost two years getting up religiously at 6am 6 days a week to earn his own money.

Now yeah, some times he can have a bit of an attitude. He's 15 after all, he knows everything there is to know about everything. DP just cannot see this for what it is though and makes a massive deal out of it each time he does it.

Last night I was working night shift and got a text from DP saying DS had been chucking a football around in his room and had refused to put it in the shed when told to do so. My response was "cheeky sod he is, I'll be having words tomorrow." DP then began sending text after text about how out of order DS is, what an awful attitude he has, how he's now burnt all his bridges with DP and how he needn't go to him for help with anything ever again and that's it, he's finished with him hmm. My response to this huge over-reaction was "ok - he's a prat for chucking a football around the house and is out of order for refusing to do as he's told but he is 15 - 15 year olds tend to have an attitude, it's not highly unusual (and certainly not bad enough to talk about disowning him!!!). DP decided to share with me that no, 15 year olds do not generally have an attitude, no kids he's ever known at that age have had an attitude and his own angelic kids never showed such an attitude and he's upset that he "has to live with it" hmm

AIBU to think that yeah he's right about the football and DS was out of order to disobey a request but it's not highly unusual behavior for a lad of his age??

GilesGirl Wed 17-Sep-14 08:33:18

What planet is your DP from and what colour is the sky?

Or

YANBU

HavanaSlife Wed 17-Sep-14 08:34:50

No not unusual at all, tell him he doesnt have to live with it if he doesnt want to grin how is he with him usually

GoblinLittleOwl Wed 17-Sep-14 08:37:00

Male stags rutting?

ilovesooty Wed 17-Sep-14 08:37:55

Overreaction on his part. He doesn't have to live with it. He can always go and live elsewhere.

rootypig Wed 17-Sep-14 08:38:24

Christ, step parenting is a nightmare. YANBU. DP is, but he is expressing something that has become bound up with DS's behaviour. Guilt / wish to be with his own kids? not enough shared authority in the home, so he doesn't feel like a true member of the household? more compromise on standards for mess and noise needed? All of the above? if he lives with you it's his home too, and though you may solely parent your boys, his wishes in terms of use of space need to be taken into account.

Look up non violent communication and try to get DP tell you what is actually eating him.

SaucyJack Wed 17-Sep-14 08:39:34

I don't think your DS's behaviour was unusual. But then again, I don't think your DP's reaction was either.

They had a tiff. Shit happens. Don't stress about it.

GeeGeeAnee Wed 17-Sep-14 08:41:06

He used to be ok with him but I've noticed snide remarks lately - says he "minces" about for example. DS recently saved up £45 to buy himself the new football shirt and was proudly wearing it. DP came to me and said "oh god why does he think it's such a massive deal? he's parading himself around in that shirt as if he's after some big reaction. He won't get a reaction from me" etc etc!!! hmm

Another one was DS decided he was on a protein diet (my reaction was "ok son, good luck with that" because I know full well how long it will last! So one morning he set himself a tray up with a dish of scrambled eggs, a glass of orange juice and a banana and it just looked like a stereotype health fanatic tray. I laughed and said how cute it was and told DP what DS had done. DP reacted with a face and a sarcastic "oh sorry ... err ... yeah go K** you're so cool ... " hmm

It's almost like he's jealous of the lad all of a sudden!

rembrandtsrockchick Wed 17-Sep-14 08:41:24

I would be worried if he didn't have a bit of an attitude at that age. Perfectly natural for a fifteen year old boy to have run ins with the male authority figure in the house...it's part of growing up.

Were your DP's boys living with him when they were exhibiting perfect behaviour or was he living apart from them for most of the time?

My boys had frequent clashes with their father at this age but DH managed it in an adult way. Sounds like your partner is very focussed on being The Boss.

WandaDoff Wed 17-Sep-14 08:41:47

Tell him that nobody is making him live with anything he doesn't want to & he knows where the bloody door is.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Wed 17-Sep-14 08:43:46

Yep 2 stags wanting to be in charge.

However one stag needs guidance and of course lots of love mixed with boundaries while the other daft stag needs to get a grip.

I don't like the comparison with his own or any other kids as kids shouldn't be compared and don't like the his house crap.

Time to sit down and talk.

And why is he texting you at work like that? How annoying.

Nanny0gg Wed 17-Sep-14 08:44:57

How long have you lived together and what do your DCs think of your DP?

rootypig Wed 17-Sep-14 08:45:00

Christ, he is jealous!

Talking about your DS so unpleasantly is horrible OP - 'minces' is a homophobic insult.

Scratch my advice upthread, I'd be having a sharp word.

whattodoforthebest2 Wed 17-Sep-14 08:45:08

Your DS would be exceptional if he wasn't giving everyone at home attitude. As you say, be thankful he's keeping it together at school and elsewhere. He's starting to assert his independence and show those close to him that he's growing up and making his own decisions. Of course, some of those decisions will be bad ones and he'll pay the price - broken window anyone? He needs role models to show him how to deal with people who are being difficult.

At 15, DS1 decided my money was his money hmm, DS2 decided school wasn't for him (and has never changed his mind) and now DD is well and truly keeping me on my toes smile. XH has disowned DS1 and DS2 so often, it's a joke.

Good luck.

GeeGeeAnee Wed 17-Sep-14 08:45:11

We recently had his kids over for a week during the summer. The youngest is a total recluse who socialises with nobody but his mother and the eldest is lazy and extremely entitled expecting to be handed everything on a plate. His doesn't have many friends either and has not worked a day in his entire life despite fast approaching his 20s. DP admitted afterwards that his kids were not how he remembered them and he's disapointed in the way they're turning out.

Maybe he's terrified mine will do better.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Wed 17-Sep-14 08:45:12

And yes my lads had clashes with dh at precisely that age.

Completely normal.

Does he have girls.?

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Wed 17-Sep-14 08:48:19

Oh yeuk. Just read your recent post.

I wouldn't have him near my kids op.

He sounds a nasty piece of work who doesn't even care about his own kids.

rootypig Wed 17-Sep-14 08:49:43

his kids were not how he remembered them and he's disapointed in the way they're turning out

So he can't be arsed raising his own kids, but is happy to tear strips off yours?

GeeGeeAnee Wed 17-Sep-14 08:49:48

Of course their mother gets the blame for it all. Apparently his kids were doing just fine until he no longer had an input hmm

Norest Wed 17-Sep-14 08:50:36

Sounds as though your DP is jealous of your son for not being a disappointment (if my son behaves how you describe yours at 15 I will be over the moon, even with the odd slip up like the football incident!!) and so is trying to pick on things to get pissy with him about.

So YANBU, your partner is and needs to get a grip

rootypig Wed 17-Sep-14 08:50:50

OP how long have you been with this man? how long has he lived with you? why does he not see his own kids more?

WandaDoff Wed 17-Sep-14 08:51:04

It does sound like he's taken a real dislike to the poor lad though.

basgetti Wed 17-Sep-14 08:51:25

I'm sorry but why are you subjecting your kids to him? He sounds horrible, and a useless father to his own children too.

whattodoforthebest2 Wed 17-Sep-14 08:52:01

Guilt on his part? I mean in regard to his relationship with his own children, so he puts yours down?

Nanny0gg Wed 17-Sep-14 08:52:57

DP admitted afterwards that his kids were not how he remembered them

Remembered them??

What kind of a father is he for heaven's sake?

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