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to ask you all to advise me on how to approach dds teacher with this sensitive subject...

(42 Posts)
donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:04:00

I have had problems withh dd stimulating herself by rocking back and forth on a chair for what seems like forever.
Dds nursery teacher approached me and we decided a sit still approach was most age appropriate.
She's 5 now very intelligent and understands its private but still carries on.
Never at home but always at school.
I have exhausted all my options alone and feel I need some help with it all. She moved school last year and have never discussed it with her teacher for fear of making it more of an issue for the teacher. She seems nice but is very young and probably not been teaching that long.
Do I take dd to the doctors? School nurse? Or just go in and have a word with the teacher? I'm at a loss, this isn't my first post on the issue but need some support.
I lost it with dd tonight, her bum was red raw from all the 'rocking'.
Please help

Beetlemilk Wed 03-Sep-14 17:08:02

Would a wobble cushion help ? You can buy them from amazon for about £25.

Beetlemilk Wed 03-Sep-14 17:12:02

this is the one we have but there are round ones also. Cheaper than I thought as well! Very good for children who need to move about in their seat.

3littlefrogs Wed 03-Sep-14 17:12:13

She is old enough to be told that this is not acceptable in school.
Do check for threadworms/not wanting to ask for the toilet etc though.

donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:15:42

3littlefrogs, I have already told her a million times that its not acceptable at school, no threadworms or other signs of irritation.
I wish it were that simple.
Not too sure about the wobble cushion, I don't want to make her feel different from the other kids having to carry round a special cushion iyswim..

MimsyBorogroves Wed 03-Sep-14 17:19:17

I would ask when she is doing it in school if she is definitely not doing it at home at all - is it an aid to concentration, or is it a distraction or a comfort mechanism?

Perhaps approach the teacher in this way - and ask if your daughter can be gently distracted from the behaviour in school, with a referral to the school nurse if it continues.

Lee32 Wed 03-Sep-14 17:20:40

You're certainly not BU to ask, just that I think this situation requires more expertise than any of us here can give you, not knowing the individual child.

But the teacher is absolutely not the person I'd contact initially - I think you first need to get a private consultation with a qualified child psychologist, independently of the school. And then take your cue from whatever she/he tells you to do.

Surely you will need to speak to the school at some stage. But I wouldn't do that until I was armed beforehand with the best professional advice and opinions I could get - more than one, if you think it necessary. Good luck!

gymboywalton Wed 03-Sep-14 17:21:37

has the teaqcher mentioned it to you?

Beetlemilk Wed 03-Sep-14 17:21:42

I wondered that mimsy - she may be rocking to avoid zoning out.

donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:24:27

No the teacher hasn't mentioned it to me, I have asked her, the only answer I ever get is "I don't know" from dd, she understands but won't stop. Should I approach gp for a referral to s child psychologist?

Beetlemilk Wed 03-Sep-14 17:25:16

OP does she chew or suck things - her clothes for example?

donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:25:46

I think a comfort thing really... She seems to do it when she's bored/anxious.

donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:26:05

No but she picks her skin

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 03-Sep-14 17:26:05

It's really common in kids this age. I have teacher friends that insist on a 'hands on the desk' rule. grin

The teacher won't be at all phased, and should be just telling her - no, not appropriate, and if she sees her doing it, giving her a job to distract her, move around the classroom at all, with a reminder in the same way you give her at home.

Honestly, don't be squeamish about it.

But do check the obvious things.

Then just ask the teacher to enforce the 'no rocking' rule.

They do grow out of it, honest. grin at least in public. grin

Madlizzy Wed 03-Sep-14 17:26:14

I'd keep her in trousers for now, and just keep reiterating about how yes, it feels nice, but it's something that we do in private. It might be good for her to have something else to fiddle with too for when the teacher is talking - distraction can be a useful tool.

Madlizzy Wed 03-Sep-14 17:26:14

I'd keep her in trousers for now, and just keep reiterating about how yes, it feels nice, but it's something that we do in private. It might be good for her to have something else to fiddle with too for when the teacher is talking - distraction can be a useful tool.

plecofjustice Wed 03-Sep-14 17:27:05

I'd speak to the teacher, most of them will have come across these behaviours before and, if the teacher is inexperienced and hasn't, her mentor certainly will have.

donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:28:22

Thanks madwoman that is very reassuring, I feel like I'm going mad with the constant worry. I have huge hangups over this sort of thing due to abuse I'm childhood and it really worries me.

UsainWho Wed 03-Sep-14 17:29:08

Funny, because the first person I've gone to with issues in the classroom is the teacher. She's then referred me straight onto the principal teacher for that age group and we've taken stuff from there. They would be the ones to go to psychological services if need be, although I know you'd need to wait a wee while for a referral. Wee girl in my DSs class has a wobble cushion, I saw it the other day when visiting class - he's never ever mentioned it before so clearly hasn't even noticed.

Chippednailvarnish Wed 03-Sep-14 17:29:31

her bum was red raw from all the 'rocking'

If its giving her physical injuries it's time for the doctors.

UsainWho Wed 03-Sep-14 17:30:07

Funny was in response to not going to the teacher btw.

Beetlemilk Wed 03-Sep-14 17:30:21

It sounds like she's regulating herself so that she stays alert. Lots of children need to wriggle about and fiddle with stuff to stay alert when they are younger.
I agree with madwoman - she'll very likely grow out of it.

donefornow Wed 03-Sep-14 17:30:22

Why trousers? She's not lifting her skirt or directly rubbing her bits on any thing she just kind of shuffles back and forth, I think trousers might actually give her more to rock on blush

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 03-Sep-14 17:30:52

No psych necessary - really. So normal it's run of the mill.

Don't over-think it.

And yes, I have two out of three kids with additional needs and have seen more paed clinical and ed psychs than I care to.

It's very very very normal in this age group.

Don't medicalise it into something it's not.

If she needs a fiddle toy as that's what the teacher wants to use to distract her, then the teacher will sort it out.

At 5 you really don't need anything else.

(Dd2 was a compulsive rocker for about 2 years. She would end up bright red, sweaty, and out of breath. There are probably my posts on here from that point!) it's very British to be squeamish about it, but it's really no big deal.

theendoftheendoftheend Wed 03-Sep-14 17:34:59

My daughter does this and has just started school. It doesn't phase me tbh and my sil whose a ta told if children do it in school they treat it like someone picking their nose and say 'no no time for that now its time to go and do x'
i did ask dd if she did it at nursery as others were worried but she said 'no, they don't have --what she uses- there!!' So i would second suggestions to provide her with a thing to use and she can only have it at home and gradually become more private? They do grow out of it. Personally i wanted argue with her over it.

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