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AIBU?

To let my PIL take my boys to Disneyland Florida

79 replies

Angryb1rd · 02/09/2014 09:47

PIL have said they want to take my boys who will be 5 & 6 to Florida. Other family members (childless) will also be going.
I don't want them to go!
It is too far away from me, I wouldn't be happy, and I personally think these kinds of memories should be made with parents not grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins
Aibu?

OP posts:

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dippyrainbow · 02/09/2014 09:49

Is there any reason you can't go too?!

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LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 02/09/2014 09:50

Is there no way you can go along too?
If not, YANBU.
It is the kind of place I would want to take my children, not let the grandparents take them without me. I would want to be right there with them and share in their joy.

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latika · 02/09/2014 09:50

If this is the only opportunity they will have to go I'd let them. My parents and mil have always spent time with my son on holidays and he's 14 now and has some amazing memories of the times they have spent together. My dad died 2 years ago and I am so glad that my son spent quality time with him - grandparents are great and I'd always encourage time together.

Isn't there anyway that you could join them?

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ilovesooty · 02/09/2014 09:51

I would have thought the distance involved would be grounds for refusal on its own.
However they're your children and a polite"thanks for your offer but I really have to refuse" ought to be quite sufficient.

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DaisyFlowerChain · 02/09/2014 09:53

It's quite sad you only want memories making with just yourself and not extended family.

As for the holiday, if others are going can you not go as well? What does your DH think? Is he happy to let them go?

It's not something I'd personally do as think holidays should be with family but lots feel differently and quite happily leave their children to go away and vice versa.

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/09/2014 09:53

I wouldnt want my kids to be away for two weeks at that age without me. No mattrr where it was.

Disney Florida is somewhere id want to go with them - can you go too?

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ICanSeeTheSun · 02/09/2014 09:54

I would allow PIL to take my children away, but there again PIL have always been fantastic with my children and are a great support to me.

Is there a back story.

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londonrach · 02/09/2014 09:54

Why don't you want to go. Sounds like a lovely trip. Children right age. They can't go without you at that age unless they very used to their grandparents

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Sootgremlin · 02/09/2014 09:55

I agree with you, no way would I want to miss taking them to something like that. It's too big a thing.

Personally the distance would be the deal breaker for me while they're so young, they are still too little to really get how far away it is, and if they got homesick for you it could ruin it for them anyway, and you couldn't get to them easily. I think you need to go with or just wait until you can take them yourself, you have lots of time.

I would have no problem saying no to this, only do what you are comfortable with. Just because something is suggested doesn't mean you have to go along with it if you are unhappy.

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bigTillyMint · 02/09/2014 09:56

OP, I would have been exactly the same as you, so YANBU!

I would happily wave them off now they are 13 and 15

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HenriettaTurkey · 02/09/2014 09:57

Are you in the uk? If so, I would probably be ok with Disneyland Paris - just.

But Florida is far too far for a 5 year old!

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Floralnomad · 02/09/2014 09:58

My DS was always going on holiday with my mum and my sister - he's 21 now and last year he went to Russia with my sister ! He went to Florida with my sister twice before he was 9 . That said I wouldn't have let him go on holiday with PIL as I didn't trust them with him .

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AtSea1979 · 02/09/2014 09:59

YANBU
But like others have said, why aren't you going too?

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SwedishEdith · 02/09/2014 10:00

Say No then if you don't want them to go - the distance and length of time away would be a big no for me. Could you suggest Paris instead? That would be a good compromise and would mean I would never have to go near the place

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atticusclaw · 02/09/2014 10:01

Can't you all go to Disneyland Paris?

I love disneyworld and we are off there again in a few weeks. It is not the sort of holiday I'd let ILs take the DCs on without us. I'd say no, they're too young and it's too far and for too long without you

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Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/09/2014 10:01

I disagree they are the right age unless the grandparents were very used to taking them for holidays and overnights and parental type care. I send my 6 and 8 year old to stay with very lovely grandparents for 4 nights and it was too much for my (admittedly quite clingy) 6 year old. It's been better since she's been 7/8 but aged 4/5/6 it was just a no for her to stay away from home for more than one night with mummy appearing in the morning.

That would be my reason.

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MrsCampbellBlack · 02/09/2014 10:06

I would be delighted if my pil wanted to do this. But I know my 5 year old would miss me too much.

My 6 year old would be fine though.

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Stinkle · 02/09/2014 10:10

Is there any reason you can't go as well?

If going with grandparents was the only chance they'd ever be able to go, then yes, in theory, I'd let them go.

However, my DD2 is extremely anxious away from home and gets homesick and really needs to be with us as well, DD1 would have been ok. She's not very grandmotherly or patient so my girls don't really know her, she thinks DD1's coeliac disease is some "trendy, new fangled allergy nonsense" so in all honesty I wouldn't trust my MiL with a pot plant let alone my children

My Mum and Dad I'd be happier about - kids love them to death and my parents would do anything for them

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gertiegusset · 02/09/2014 10:11

I would also be delighted if mine wanted to take them.
It's the holiday from hell for me, looks hideous.

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DustyCropHopper · 02/09/2014 10:16

I personally wouldn't let my in laws take them. Or my.patents for that matter. I have never done Disney in Florida, so is something I want to do with my children for the first time, parents/in laws more than welcome to join us, but I want to be there. I wouldn't be happy with that distance either. Also, for me, I wouldn't let one set of in laws take the children away purely because I do not think they would cope well, particularly with ds2 who is dyspraxic, has global delay and generally is harder work.

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SaucyJack · 02/09/2014 10:19

Depends on what sort of relationship they have with their grandparents. If you're confident they'll be happy and well cared for, then yeah YABU to not let them go.

It's a bit mean not to let them go without you just because you might miss out on the shared experience if you're not actually in a position to take them.

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Georgina1975 · 02/09/2014 10:25

I would be fine with it as long as DC wouldn't miss me to the point it would be crappy for all.

There are a ton of more interesting places/experiences I want to have with them above Disney. So - especially given the cost - I would quite happily wave them off for a me-free Disneyfest.

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EmeraldLion · 02/09/2014 10:25

Depends on what sort of relationship they have with their grandparents. If you're confident they'll be happy and well cared for, then yeah YABU to not let them go

I disagree. My dc have a fantastic relationship with my parents, but I wouldn't let them go abroad with them now (ages 4 and 6). They're still little and I would be a bag of nerves the whole time, even though I know my dp's are fantastic with them.

I don't think it's bu at all.

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Castlemilk · 02/09/2014 10:31

No way. Far too far and far too young!

YANBU!!!

This is the kind of thing that would be about 100 times more fun for both them AND YOUR PIL if they just waited a few years.

If something happened, you couldn't get there at all easily. Yes, it's unlikely that anything major is going to happen. But what is almost guaranteed is that after a couple of days they're going to want you there. So they're going to be tired, emotional, and wanting mummy, and you aren't going to be able to be there. Im afraid that at 5 and 6, it's more likely that the 'memories' are going to be of the slightly scary time they had with Gran and Grandad and Auntie X all trying to jolly them along at bedtime/when they fall/when they argue and cry when they both just want you.

At 5 and 6, so much of the daily care is still quite tiring and time-consuming, too - and very tailored to THEM in particular. You know, for example, that perhaps the 5 year old will enjoy doing x as long as they've had an early night the night before, and to change plans to get the best out of a particular day if they've had a bad night's sleep. That's just one example: eating, sleeping, resting, favourite foods/toys/colours, flash points when they argue - EVERYTHING about them, which you know and your PIL don't. It's stuff like that that really matters when little kids are away from home and expected to 'keep up' with a busy schedule. Holidays may be fun, but they're also busy, tiring and always on the go. Your PIL might be in for a rather disillusioning shock if they end up with two cranky, squabbling children who quite frankly aren't going to appreciate the fact they're in Disneyland at a cost of ££££££ when neither of them had what they wanted for breakfast and are tired and want to go home now, please. Basically, from your PIL's point of view, this could end up one fantastic way for them to waste a shedload of money having a rather stressful time straining their relationship with their grandchildren. That really needs to be pointed out and the rose-tinted specs taken off for a bit.

And that's without even getting to the fact that yes, you're the parents, if you would rather do these big holidays WITH them, then you should.

All this could be avoided if they waited a few years - when they were more independent, better able to manage tiredness and being away from you, PLUS - they'd actually be old enough to properly remember it!

So I would absolutely say NO to Florida. Butlins, yes. Florida? Not until youngest is at least 8.

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zipzap · 02/09/2014 10:36

I wouldn't want them to go either! For several reasons - agree with you about wanting to have that first time memory with you there, I think they are too young to go all that way on holiday with gp (I wouldn't particularly want to take them that young if I was taking them either, I'd prefer to wait until they were a bit older - say 9 and 10 - before going that far, although I know not everyone agrees with that). I'm also guessing if they are going that far it will be for at least a week, probably 10-14 days, which is a long time for you to be away from your dc and they from you.

Will the GPs still go if your dc don't go? What does your dh think? Do the dc even know that it's an option?

Must admit, if this was me, I'd be putting my foot down, in the nicest possible way of course, and just say sorry but whilst it is a lovely offer, you don't think it's right at the moment for a number of reasons. And maybe offer them a couple of days away in the uk together and the promise of all going to disney together one day in the future.

Do you think it is because the pil want to reclaim their youth or be the big cheeses with your dc for taking them to disney world and pushing you out, or are they genuine?

And remember that just because they have said that they want to take them, you have absolutely no obligation to say yes. if they are pushy they might get a bit stroppy/manipulative/etc but be prepared for that beforehand and just keep saying no. And if your dh doesn't agree with you - that's tricky but I think in cases like this one, your wish for them to stay here (effectively keeping things the same) tops his wish for them to go. It's tricky as you can't have a half way house solution - either they go or they don't. And other sort of solutions (going to disneyland paris and you going too) aren't necessarily going to work for the gp if they want a hoilday in florida or if you can't go and you want to go for their first experience of disney etc etc

Good luck. Just keep firm, whether I agreed with you or not, you don't feel that it's right for them to go so don't let them go!