Not sure whether or not I'm being unreasonable but here goes... I have one DB and my DM is an only child. My grandfather who I didn't speak to (long story won't go into it on here) recently passed away. Whilst the funeral arrangements etc were going on immediately after the funeral, I and my DP (who I am marrying this year) were involved and present for most of the discussions but kept most opinions to ourselves and remained respectful of the fact that we were not on speaking terms so therefore couldn't expect to have a say in most of what was going on. Since thing's have settled down, we have had my DN (nan) to ours for dinner each week and have taken her out, done shopping etc at least once a week on top of having her over for dinner. My parents and DB have equally been involved with my parents sorting out the majority of the paperwork etc. Up to this point, everything is fine, but there are a couple of points that have been brought up in conversation in the last couple of days that have concerned/irritated my DP and me. Firstly it was said by my DM during a casual conversation that DN has plenty of money so if anyone wants to borrow some interest free for a holiday or what not, that it would be fine. DN was not present and at the time both me and DP said we wouldn't borrow money. Secondly a conversation was had between DM, DF and DB regarding some of my grandfather's possessions (think collectable worth 10k+). Originally my grandfather had said these were to be sold and the money to go to my DN. Whilst out at dinner myself, DN and DP were told by DF that the possessions would be kept for future grandchildren to play with. AIBU to think that this approach in families could lead to huge fallouts later on (like when DN passes) and that no money should be "borrowed" without agreement of the three of us (me, DM and DB). I also feel that money should be left with DN, she's fit for her age and could possibly need it later on. Also that possessions should be sold as requested by my grandfather and the money should go to DN (she will have no benefit from possessions unless sold). And finally that if everyone is pulling their weight that all discussions should be open and honest. Other info that might be relevant: I have my own place with DP, DB still lives at home and therefore is closer to DParents and has more opportunity to talk. Also DM is executor of the will, under the understanding that she will look after me and DB if anything happens (it was going three ways but this changed). Sorry it's so long, didn't want to drip feed.
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