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I think I was, but I think my parents were, too?(Sorry, long)!

(53 Posts)
sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:49:57

I'm currently taking care of a friend's house (well her pets , she has cats and hens) whilst she's on holiday. I live an hour and a half's drive from my parents but my friend's house is close to my friends', so I told my Mum that I'd visit them a lot whilst here.

I am a bit neurotic whilst looking after other people's animals I must admit, always scared something will go wrong whilst I'm in charge!

Anyway last night, (my first night here)I told my Mum that once I'd put the hens away I'd drive over. However I then remembered that my Dad often likes me to have a drink with him when I visit, and it being my first night, he probably would-so I called my Mum again and said 'Do you want to pick me up, and then I'll get a cab back later, so then if Dad wants to have a drink with me then I can have one too?'

My Mum said won't be necessary, Dad doesn't want to have a drink, we're both up early so it won't matter just drive over. So I said okay, I'll come over about 830pm and I planned to just drive back to my friends later on when they went to bed.I could hear my Dad in the background and my Mum did say to him 'You're not having a drink tonight, are you' and him saying no.

Because I thought I'd be back, I didn't check that the cats were all in the house, and I did shut the hens away but I wasn't meticulous about it-as I planned to give them another check when I got back.

Anyway during the evening my Mum says 'Oh in the morning I'll show you ...' etc etc. I said, 'No I'm not staying over , remember?'

It got a bit later on and my Dad says 'Are you staying over?' I said 'No, I've got to be back later on to check on the animals'. I thought we arranged this over the phone?

He got slightly agitated and said 'You're staying there on your own?Stay here-I don't want you going back there this late'. I said that I thought this had all been sorted out on the phone, it was the reason I telephoned to make arrangements, the reason I asked my Mum if I should leave the car etc.

He thn offers me a glass of wine, saying he was only having one glass did I want one. I said no, I would have left the car if I knew I was having a drink.

HE shouted at me to stop blaming other people, to stay over the animals would be fine, I came too late to be leaving again..., then my Mum joins in saying I'll be fine to stay over etc.

I'm a bit annoyed at this point, I dont have a toothbrush, my phone charger, any night clothes, I'm in charge of the animals and I wanted to be satisfied everything was okay before I went to bed-which is why I tried to organise the evening properly....But I figured it would probably be okay and he poured me half a glass of wine, which I had about half of.

Anyway we talk for a bit and my Dad asks about the animals and says I shouldn't worry they'll be fine. Then it begins to rain and I say I should really have made sure the cats were in, and then my Dad says he'll come with me to check on them and then come back. It's 11pm by this point.

My Mum starts shouting that I can't drive I've had a drink , I say I don't like driving even after 1 especially when I'm tired but I know I'm not over the limits,after just a few mouthfulls, so it doesn't matter. I don't know what to do at this point but I don't want to trouble my Dad so I say don't come with me, I'll nip back, check on things then come back.

As I'm getting into my car my Mum comes out saying not to come back, It's late just to go. I havent taken my bag with me as I thought I was coming straight back so I tell her this, walk back in to get my bag and then my Mum and Dad both start arguing about the situation, I say something to the lines of I tried to organise the evening properly and had acted accordingly, they're the ones who changed things, this goes on for a few mins and I think sod it I'll stop over, the animals will be okay I know I'm being paranoid, so I come back into the house and it lulls.

About 5-10 mins later, my Mum goes to bed and a few mins after that, my Dad gets up and says he's going to bed!!!

So what was the big deal about my needing to stay over? If they were both just going to bed anyway?

Before anybody says 'Just ask them', they're the sort where I can't discuss things after the event. My Mum'll just shrug it off and my Dad will say 'Ah sunflower shut up' or something to those lines.

LittleBearPad Mon 01-Sep-14 09:53:00

How old are you?

They sound very odd.

Cluffyflump Mon 01-Sep-14 09:55:50

You left the cats out all night?!

Your parents are nutters. Next time just stick to your plans and always make sure you can get home independently of them.

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:56:00

I'm early thirties.

SpringBreaker Mon 01-Sep-14 09:56:32

to be honest, if you have agreed to look after a friends house and animals, as your friend I would expect you to be staying there at night, all the rest sounds ridiculously crazy

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:56:59

Some cats were in some out. My friend doesn't make a point of making sure they're in or out, just that they're not in wanting to go out or vice versa so I haven't betrayed her in that way.It was just me personally not wanting them out in the rain.

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:59:24

springbreaker my friend and I had discussed that, and she'd said she doesn't mind my not being there all night every night, as long as I could let the hens out in the morning and put them away in the evening. I had made sure we were clear on things like that, and told her I may stay at my parents one night. She often stays over at her Mother's house, so it wasn't a big deal as long as I'm here most of the time. It's more the was I being unreasonable the way I dealt with this situation rather than WIBU for staying over. I Was back here just after 830 am anyway and all is well smile

NewEraNewMindset Mon 01-Sep-14 10:00:19

Ha ha I had to laugh at the 'your parents are nutters' comment.

They obviously love you very much and their behaviour does sound quite eccentric. Are you an only child?

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:00:56

Lol @my parents are nutters!

I have had it said before, they do some strange things but I am not the most conventional person in the world so I just let it go by. I'm just curious as to what other people would think about this.

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:02:13

Me too newera. Thank you-yes I guess they do although theyre not the type to say it (I think they've both said it once, each)!

I am my Fathers' only. I have a (much, 17 years ish) older Sister from my Mother's first marriage. But as she's so much older I was brought up alone so yes I'm an only, really.

sunbathe Mon 01-Sep-14 10:03:03

Possibly if you're firmer about your plans, they'll settle down.

If you know in your own mind what you're definitely going to do, iyswim.

At the moment you can be swayed and they know you can be swayed.

saintlyjimjams Mon 01-Sep-14 10:04:18

You should have just gone. You're early thirties why are you letting your parents tell you where you'll sleep?

Boysclothes Mon 01-Sep-14 10:05:21

You sound like you felt you had to stay over because they were telling you to. You obviously wanted to go back so why didn't you?

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:06:54

good point sunbathe. I've been swayed to stay over many times before- my Father acts as if It's a personal insult if I want to leave.

To be fair, I moved away for uni and didn't return, and I didn't see a lot of them for many years, and my Father didn't take much interest for much of my life so I guess I'm sort of flattered that they want me to stay over-however I left early this morning and they were leaving as I left-so what's the point in staying over if we all just bugger off when we get up, anyway?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 01-Sep-14 10:08:18

I agree they were being unreasonable. Sounds like an awful lot of fuss over nothing.

yellowdinosauragain Mon 01-Sep-14 10:08:24

The strangest thing in the whole night imho is the whole having to have a drink because your dad is. Surely, as an adult in your early 30s, you have a drink or not depending on what you choose, not your dad. And likewise your dad is I'm sure big enough to decide to have a drink or not regardless of your choice hmm

I also think your parents are treating you like a teenager with telling you you can't go back because it's too late. Expressing mild concern, fair enough. Telling you what to do is odd. But then you going along with it because they'd shouted at you won't help this will it?

All a very very strange set up, imho.

pictish Mon 01-Sep-14 10:08:28

Imo you ought to have got in your car when it suited you, and gone back. Who cares if your dad thinks it's too late? It's not him doing it, so he doesn't get to decide.

Your parents sound quite overbearing. Are they?

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:08:59

I didn't go back in the end because I realise I'm neurotic about things-the animals would probably not benefit much from my being here, my friend had said it didn't matter, she often leaves them out if they want to go out as she goes to bed-I did want to recheck on the hens but just for my peace of mind, it wouldn't make a difference really, so I listened and thought yes he was right, it was late, no real reason to leave, and I don't like causing upset.

I take your point, though, I didnt' want anybody to feel insulted that I wanted to leave where it wasn't necessary that I left, if you see what I mean.

diddl Mon 01-Sep-14 10:10:10

Do you not see your parents very often?

It all seems such a fuss about nothing!

You can drink or not, stay over or not as you choose!

But for goodness sake look after the animals properly!

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:12:51

yellow my Dad and I have only just began having a drink together when I visit, and because we didn't get on for much of my life I like it that we spend time together now-so I offered to stop over if he wanted to, as I didnt mind either way. That is why I phoned beforehand though .

They do often treat me like a teen, I agree on that. We went on holiday together once and I went off on my own , they came looking for me, picked me up and said they were worried because I didnt have any money.

I told them that A)I did and B)I've lived away from home for 15 years and funnily enough, know how to use a cash machine!

divingoffthebalcony Mon 01-Sep-14 10:14:44

What a farce? You know, OP, this could all have been avoided by you saying "no, I have to get back" and them saying "ok". Instead it became a huge drama with them shouting at you and belittling you and you letting them treat you like a child. It all sounds very unhealthy.

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:15:37

I see them roughly once a week sometimes every two weeks. I'm very mindful of them being oldish and that I didn't spend enough time with them when I was younger, and I don't like living so far from them, I planned to move back a few years ago but plans fell through so I try to see them a lot.

The animals are fine, I didn't go against my friend's instructions, there was food inside the house and out for the cats and the hens were away safely, I just personally wanted to check on them again.

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:16:38

I did say I had to go back, they didn't say okay though... I wonder if my Dad was just worried about my being out and about in the dark..

treadheavily Mon 01-Sep-14 10:17:34

I enjoyed reading your list of priorities, toothbrush, phone charger then clothes.
The rest was a bit confusing but it really doesn't sound too terrible.

sunflower49 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:19:37

That was just an exemplary list, tread ! Should it have been in a different order :D

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