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To not let DP use my car to get to work?

(93 Posts)
unlucky83 Sun 31-Aug-14 00:03:16

DP is a crap driver - lots of minor scrapes...and must have had 8 not major but biggish accidents in the last 15 years...4 involving other drivers.
He dented my new car (with DD1 in) on a roundabout when he was in the wrong lane ...(tbf he learned to drive on the other side of the road) so my dad gave us some money for him to have refresher lessons - he refused to do them. After that he can only drive my car in an emergency.
He never looks properly, has no patience, no concentration, doesn't think.
He once backed into a parked car -it was dark, late at night and the car park (private) was usually empty - he didn't even look, just reversed at speed...
He has hit one of those rising bollards - knew it was no entry but cba going round so he followed a bus.... He also got 3 pts on his licence for going up a one way the wrong way.
He's a named driver on my policy- puts my premium up (we each pay for our own cars) -but last time I checked it would cost more to take him off.
Also creates hassle for me - as English isn't his first language I used to make phone calls for him and help fill in his forms etc - not so much anymore...and he doesn't know anything about cars so always asks my opinion - I'm fed up (I have never had a bump or points on my licence)
Also his current car is my mum's old car - my dad had been meaning to get my mum a new one -but DP wrote his last one off in an accident (cos it was old more than really badly damaged) - and so my dad got a new one in a hurry and sold it to him for half what it was worth (he was going to give to him -but decided he should pay something to maybe make him be more careful) And he really doesn't appreciate the help he was given - my DB drove it here (300 miles) etc...
Anyway this morning he hit a low wall, mashed the bottom of his car - oil pouring out, engine making a funny noise. He was too embarrassed to go to /phone the local garage....wanted to take it somewhere else , didn't want the Dcs to know etc. I had a look no way could he drive it even the quarter of a mile to the local garage...never mind anywhere else
I phoned the garage for him ...they came to get it - finger crossed the engine is alright and it is repairable -they will try and do it on Monday ...But it might be a write off - it is an old car - and it has just cost £400 to get it through its MOT less than 2 weeks ago. Luckily he is ok for money and things like that come from his spending money...
Then I cleaned up the oil off the road - he helped a bit...
Any way after his initial embarrassment he said things like ...oh well these things happen don't they - everyone has crashes, no harm done etc etc
No that isn't true - I haven't, none of my friends or family have..or they have one or two in a lifetime. He was going slow but admitted he didn't see the wall cos he was looking at his phone (he was on a private road - so no danger of points etc) ...
He has been on holiday for a week - due back next week but he might be off on Monday. He works early shift - can't get public transport he needs a car. He realised this at midday - told him to phone his boss - he didn't instead he phoned other people until eventually about 5pm someone told him he was working on Mon. He said oh well I'll have to take your car then.
Erm - No - phone your boss and explain - see if you can swap - he has sent his boss a text...wouldn't phone - no reply and boss is off tomorrow - apparently a taxi will cost £30 ..he HAS to take my car ...
So AIBU to think - he should sort himself out - and suffer a bit -pay the taxi - because he just doesn't take it seriously ...everyone around him helping him out - even the mechanics at the garage - they are off today really - just in working on their own cars...
I haven't planned my week out next week yet -but I do have a lot on...don't really need another restriction.
I should really go into work (mainly work from home) - about 10-15 min walk away - but I had a DVT in July and that is quite far for me to walk - I'd rather not risk it. And not being 100% well I like the security of knowing I have transport to get medical help if I need to. (actually day after I have an dr appt and I couldn't make it without a car after school drop off)
Also DD1 goes to school miles away - if she misses the bus she can't get in until 10.30pm unless I take her...(not a regularly occurrence but has happened)
And I just shouldn't be inconvenienced (more than I have already) because he has messed up again...
and £30 taxi and a horrendous bus journey back may just make him realise that it is not 'no harm done' ...angry

Aeroflotgirl Sun 31-Aug-14 00:06:43

Wow I would not let him use my car at all, he sounds really unsafe. I think that you should all stop enabling him, and let him do things himself.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Sun 31-Aug-14 00:10:40


I would just tell him no and then not discuss it any further

If you keep bailing him out he'll never change

Kittydragon Sun 31-Aug-14 00:11:39

No, don't let him have your car. To be honest he doesn't sound safe on the road, I wouldn't let the kids in the car with him!

LatteLoverLovesLattes Sun 31-Aug-14 00:11:46

No way on gods little green earth I'd let him use my car, even if I wasn't going to be needing it NO WAY.

I don't think he should be on the road at all frankly.

Is he this much of a selfish, immature, prat about other things?

LatteLoverLovesLattes Sun 31-Aug-14 00:12:27

I'd sleep with my car keys too as it sounds as if he would just take it given the chance.

unlucky83 Sun 31-Aug-14 00:25:22

Thank goodness ...I was starting to think I was being mean - so glad everyone else thinks I'm right. (And I did think about hiding the keys..)
I have enabled him - in lots of other things as well - and am working on making him take responsibility...and I am getting somewhere- slowly! (started because English wasn't his first language - then he used to work incredibly long hours too - then I realsied that he had become overly dependent on me)
Driving wise he has actually improved a lot over the years - and sadly I was pleased he was embarrassed this morning ..if that is understandable ...

HansieLove Sun 31-Aug-14 00:53:48

I don't think he should be driving any car!

Blondieminx Sun 31-Aug-14 01:00:07

He sounds a massive hazard to other road users. He also sounds like a selfish, dangerous idiot.

What does he do for you? Do you feel he wants the same things as you?

Blondieminx Sun 31-Aug-14 01:00:53

Also YANBU to not allow him to use your car!

Whereisegg Sun 31-Aug-14 01:01:50

I also wouldn't let him drive the dc anywhere.

Why on earth does being on a private road make it ok to look at your phone while driving? !

seasavage Sun 31-Aug-14 01:03:45

Definitely refuse. He needs refresher lessons as a bare minimum. And perhaps some sort of hazard recognition / shock tactics re accidents. (My brother works in investigating accidents and providing evidence to court, the stuff on his laptop would scare the most ardent phone lover).

Inertia Sun 31-Aug-14 01:07:13

He shouldn't even be on the road !

magoria Sun 31-Aug-14 01:10:39

The points on a private road are not the issue.

He was paying attention to his phone not his driving. That low wall could have been a child.

He is a dangerous menace and needs taking of the road.

IAmNoAngel Sun 31-Aug-14 01:15:19

I wouldn't let him wash my car, let alone drive it!

He needs a refresher course at the very least, before going near any vehicle again.

Please don't even consider this.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 31-Aug-14 01:18:23

Some people shouldn't be on the road. Your DP is one of them.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 31-Aug-14 01:31:16

No way, I wouldn't even let him touch my car let alone drive it. And I would hide the keys I would also take him off the insurance even if it did cost more.if he has an accident in your car driving on your insurance its your future costs that get increased not his

AlpacaMyBags Sun 31-Aug-14 03:58:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGeorgeMichael Sun 31-Aug-14 04:42:53

can you take him to work in the morning?

TheSameBoat Sun 31-Aug-14 04:50:30

YANBU. I would also be unhappy that he doesn't appreciate all the trouble your dad has gone to in order to help him.

The phone thing is awful

MildDrPepperAddiction Sun 31-Aug-14 05:03:53

Having learned on the other side of the road is irrelevant. My DH has often driven on the other side of the road whilst on holidays and has never had any issues because he is a careful driver. Your DH is irresponsible and a danger. Frankly, you should be reporting him for being a danger. As pp said that could have been a child.

ilovesooty Sun 31-Aug-14 05:39:52

I wouldn't let him anywhere near my car and would take him off the insurance as well even if it costs initially.I'm assuming he has some redeeming features.

wingcommandergallic Sun 31-Aug-14 06:12:02

Is he even legal to drive in the uk? Does his driving licence from his home country permit him to drive here?

Think I'd refuse to let him drive my car until he's taken more lessons.

Cerisier Sun 31-Aug-14 06:54:43

Is it going to take killing someone before he behaves responsibly?

I am shocked at his behaviour and attitude. He wouldn't get my car keys and he wouldn't be driving the children anywhere with his record.

If he could manage two years with no accidents and no problems, took an advanced driving course and had an eye test then I would be willing to reconsider.

PitchSlapped Sun 31-Aug-14 07:00:08

I would take him off your insurance he shouldnt be on the road. If your insurance company know about his multiple accidents (which they should do) it should be much cheaper

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