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Believe it or not i am not a bridezilla

(114 Posts)
KayakJo Tue 26-Aug-14 22:38:04

I'm going to get flamed for this...

Ok, getting married in Dec. My poor mate is organising my hen do for end Nov. Only wanted a dinner/drinks in the interest of keeping cost down for people but she twisted my arm and its for one night, and within 40 miles of everyone. She heard back from everyone (ive organised these things before and its a ball ache so im really grateful to her). She had trouble getting hold of one person who eventually came back two weeks later to say she wont be coming because she doesnt know anyone. This is someone i have bent over backwards for in the past with no intention of receiveing anything in return. I am really surprised at how irritated i am by this. I would rather she had made up a better excuse. Aib totally u?

FrozenAteMyDaughter Tue 26-Aug-14 23:44:13

She maybe doesn't like hen parties but thought not knowing anyone else sounded better than saying that in case you were insulted? I was never keen on the larger sort of overnight hen party where, say, strippers and clubbing were involved. Whereas smaller intimate ones with just a few people in a cottage, or whatever - excellent.

If I were you I would try to see past this if she is otherwise a good, caring and reliable friend.

YANBU to be upset though, of course.

missbishi Wed 27-Aug-14 00:08:57

Ok, so she doesn't want to go because she won't know're pissed off but at the same time you don't want anyone you don't know attending...


MidniteScribbler Wed 27-Aug-14 00:10:43

I wouldn't want to go either. I'm not in to getting drunk with a bunch of people I don't know, I hate the whole hen night dress ups and games, and I avoid nightclubs, and don't like going places where you never get to chat with your friends because of too loud music. I would decline the hen night, but I'd offer to take you out to lunch/coffee/high tea or something nice instead where we could actually talk to each other.

SierpinskiNumber Wed 27-Aug-14 01:15:29

If I were you I would text the friend and say that you were sorry that she can't make it but that you completely understand. I would then ask if she fancies doing something with just the two of you before the wedding. If she is keen then you know she still values you as a friend and if she is not then at least you know where you stand.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Wed 27-Aug-14 02:20:15

My cousins never came to mine- one of whom was a bridesmaid! One dropped out and on the morning the other 'fell ill' hmm
We still speak to each other!

GarlicAugustus Wed 27-Aug-14 02:32:27

Ooh, I like Sierpin's answer smile Wish I'd thought of it!

GarlicAugustus Wed 27-Aug-14 02:37:47

My hen weekend was ghastly, btw. I had quite a laugh, but only by dint of staying extremely drunk all the time. I sat up in the hotel bar all Saturday night, drinking whisky with a groom who was having a dreadful stag weekend.

They never turn out like you expect.

KatyN Wed 27-Aug-14 06:46:51

It might not be the truth. Try not to be too upset by it. Maybe it is the finances, or something else.


KanyeBeArsed Wed 27-Aug-14 06:52:26

I agree with Garlic that SierpinskiNumber's suggestion is brilliant.

I had a series of tiny hen dos (second wedding) and it was win win win win win win.

KanyeBeArsed Wed 27-Aug-14 06:54:54

And OP I have no doubt that the rest of the time you arer an absolutely nailed on reasonable and luffly person, but that's the thing with weddings: they turn people into (appropriate noun of choice)zillas,

Don't beat yourself up about it, but in this case you are being a bridezilla.

FlorenceMattell Wed 27-Aug-14 06:56:55

You are being unreasonable.
Your friend is entitled to say no.
I expect you are not being a bridezilla just used to getting your own way generally in life.

KoalaDownUnder Wed 27-Aug-14 07:04:22

You are being a bit bridezilla, I'm afraid.

I don't think you can get offended by people not turning up for overnight hen do's, especially if they don't know anyone.

Partridge Wed 27-Aug-14 07:08:10

Bridezilla. I hate hen parties with a passion and wish I had the balls to answer an invitation like that.

Eastpoint Wed 27-Aug-14 07:08:32


It is her right to accept or turn down an invitation. It would have been politer if she'd just said she has a prior commitment but she was more honest.

MaryWestmacott Wed 27-Aug-14 07:13:24

I think things can get labelled bridezilla when actually it's just you getting upset because while you have put yourself out for this friend (and possibly others), this is the first time she's been asked to put herself out a bit for you and she's said no.

If you aren't the "big birthday" celebration type, you might not have any "you focused" events other than your hen do/wedding day, and so it is the first opportunity for a friend to "repay" your consideration to them, but they don't.

If it's just making you realise your friendship is rather one sided, then you can decide you won't put yourself out for her in the future, and perhaps reassess which of your friends you will go extra mile for, rather than assuming everyone.

Have a manly slap on the back- never nice realising someone means more to you than you do to them.

walde Wed 27-Aug-14 07:16:12

Hen nights are horrible, expensive forced fun with people you hardly know. I wish I was brave enough to respond like your friend rather than going along begrudgingly.

Didyouevah Wed 27-Aug-14 07:44:23

I'm with walde. I despise hen dos. My idea of hell. Don't forget there may be be circumstances you don't know about. Finances/illness etc.

Actually I'm not sure anyone should be THAT bothered. Especially claiming not to be a bridezilla.

Reverse AIBU?

diddl Wed 27-Aug-14 07:53:23

When you say one night, do you mean staying over?

I'd go probably for a meal/drinks/nightclub, but anything else unlikely.

Spa day/"girly" weekend-maybe not!

LoveBeingInTheSun Wed 27-Aug-14 08:04:38

I think she's wanting her to say being x who is coming to the wedding.

I've been on hen night where I have only known the bride, and have also ducked out on another due to this.

SignYourName Wed 27-Aug-14 08:05:37

I see both sides - I agree with MaryWestmacott but I also know how miserable - and expensive - a night out can be when you really don't want to be there, and any sort of hen night that involves silly games / forfeits / dressing up / L plates etc is hell on wheels for lots of people.

It would have softened the blow though if she'd contacted you directly and said "I'm sorry, I can't make the hen do but I'd love to meet up for coffee one day soon if you have time".

Go with Sierpin's reply for now.

starlight1234 Wed 27-Aug-14 08:15:46

I didn't go to a hen night recently. I didn't want to spend my money on a hotel with people I barely knew .

BolshierAyraStark Wed 27-Aug-14 08:16:29

Many years ago when I was more outgoing & far less antisocial I went on the hen night of my SIL where I knew 2 other people. It was by far the worst night out I've ever been on & I discreetly vanished at 10pm, unheard of for me. I was so so glad I'd refused the weekend away she also had as it would have been hell on earth.


Kimaroo Wed 27-Aug-14 08:23:48

Well she probably spent two weeks thinking up a response that would be acceptable but in the end just decided to say no. Now you are going to change the core of your friendship with her on a perceived slight. Yep! Definitely bridezilla-itis grin

KoalaDownUnder Wed 27-Aug-14 08:32:45

Also, if you're going to be annoyed with someone, it makes more sense to be annoyed with the person who organized it!

I wish brides and head bridesmaids (or whatever they're called these days) would be realistic about how their expectations of people. I know Hollywood movies make it seem like the norm to spend hundreds on your friends' hens' nights, but it's really not, unless you're all very young and very loaded...and American.

Practically everybody I've ever spoken to about this just dreads being asked to go on hens' dos that are longer than one night out.

PlumpPartridge Wed 27-Aug-14 08:34:34

I agree with MaryWestmacott - I don't think you're being a bridezilla and you're NBU to feel a little hurt.

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