to think taking an hour to get ready (wash etc) every day isn't OTT?(99 Posts)
This is not really something that bothers ME at all, I've always taken about an hour to get ready every day. My hair is longish & fine and if I don't wash and dry it (+ small amount styling with curling tongs) at least every other day it looks greasy/messy.
I wear hard gas permeable contact lenses which need a good clean every morning and I like to wear a bit of make-up (not loads).
I'm unemployed at the moment and before that was doing years of shift work where I worked late and got up about 9/10 am, would do dishwasher, feed pets & any other household stuff, then get washed and ready a few hours after getting up..so maybe I'd be actually washed by midday..ish. So now I'm a bit stuck in that routine. I get things done, but just don't wash as soon as I'm out of bed.
I had an argument with my MIL the other day. I told her that SIL (her daughter) had been, in my opinion, rude to me over something. She became very defensive and angry (okay, guess everyone can do this, I'd be surprised if she didn't, wish hadn't bothered saying anything now).
But she then started to go on about how I was "hardly perfect" (I agreed!)...that I could be horrible...I asked her what she meant by that, on what occasions I'd been horrible.
The only thing she could come up with was that I made my DP's & everyone else's life very difficult by "not getting ready first thing & taking an hour to get ready every day..he always has to wait for you to get ready to go out & if we call to ask if you want to go out with us, we get fed up that you say you'll be ready in an hour".
She went on to say that DP had never complained to her about this...but she was very worried that I "might be making his life very difficult".
I knew that this did annoy her a bit, but didn't know quite HOW angry she was about it!
If MIL very occasionally invites us/me out, it is always a last minute thing...always in the morning, 10 minutes before she's going (we live close by).
I asked why she couldn't just give me more notice..like an hour or two, or day before? She was not impressed with this suggestion and seemed exasperated with me, that I couldn't just be up and ready to go, just in case she ever called.
I don't really understand the logic..what if I were 'up and ready' at 'crack of dawn'..but had made other plans...10 minutes notice is surely not reasonable EVERY time she wants to go out somewhere?
I'm really disappointed to find she seems to think so badly of me over something which seems, to me, really daft.
Their whole family seems a bit obsessed with punctuality and I/we have been made to feel terrible if we are ever 10 minutes late for a family function (once we were blanked & they had eaten all their main meal...we are only 10 minutes late!!), so guess this kind of fits in with that.
I'm really laid back about things like that as it seems so unimportant in the big scheme of things.
Has she got a point, do I sound a bit lazy and is it just me who doesn't get up and straight in the shower, ready really quick and 10 minutes notice to go out every time is completely reasonable.
Sorry really long post (I waffle badly!), don't know why I'm posting, feel bit embarrassed as it's so daft & unimportant
That's very strange (of her, not you!) I take about an hour and it's mainly because I faff but why this should bother anybody else I DON'T know!
you might be getting a bit habituated into not getting day-ready hence knocking on into being work-ready for when you find work again and that's the unspoken concern
10 mins notice would annoy me. I got up at 6.15am and was leaving the house an hour later which is normal for me. I spend time on my makeup though!
I could see my DM saying something similar. She's from a generation that perceive being up as being washed and dressed so not being ready till midday would seem rather slovenly to her.
I regularly work from home and end up not dressed till midday but I know in the back of my mind that my DM would consider it lazy.
You're both just coming from different places so I wouldn't worry about it if it doesn't bother you or your DP.
Turning up late for events is a different issue and I do think that's rude.
I think ringing up last minute is off on her part is off but the family function must have had an organised time. I used to have a habitually late friend who would always say "I was only a few minutes late" when it was much longer.
Hmmm. So you're saying you generally only get dressed by about midday? And, in fact, when you account for general pottering, it actually takes you much longer thanan hour.
I think if you're going to fit in with most of the rest of the human race you need to get up much earlier. Maybe when your DH does....because aren't you out of sync with him?
It takes me 10 minutes to do the wash face/brush teeth/put clothes on rigmarole. Never mind breakfast, doing something to my hair and putting makeup on. If I was being rushed I can do it in 30 minutes but prefer an hour every day. 10 minutes notice is VU. Your problem isn't how long it takes you to get ready, but more your MIL expecting you to jump when she clicks her fingers
Them giving ten minutes notice for an event is not on, however I fail to comprehend how you were "only ten minutes late" at the restaurant and in that ten minutes all guests had arrived, ordered and eaten their main courses.
Maybe your ten minutes isnt the same as everyone elses.
An hour to wash every single day is a big chunk out of your life, but if it's what you want to do then - UNLESS IT IS MAKING YOU LATE FOR AN APPOINTMENT - it's no skin off anyone else's nose.
If you get invited somewhere by your MIL where you aren't ready and would have to hold her up, just decline.
Though, if you do accept, you do need to be there when you are supposed to be. People who are late - well, maybe it isn't something you are bothered by, but I think it shows a shocking lack of consideration for other people's time. If you can't be there by x o'clock, decline the invitation, don't leave other people waiting.
I can totally relate. For years I've been doing night shifts or self-employed or student life and it is very usual for me to not 'get ready' until midday or whenever I actually need to leave the house.
It would feel weird to me to spend time getting ready first thing and then just... do the laundry, hoover, answer some emails, do some writing, etc. I like to get a bunch of stuff done and then take a shower and get presentable.
Luckily DH doesn't really care but I know his mum thinks it's really weird. She's nice enough not to say anything though!
I think as long as your DH doesn't care, don't worry about it. Is he upset that you can't go out with his parents last-minute because you're not ready? Because I would consider adjusting my habits if my DH found them really annoying.
Hmm yeah I have a friend who won't leave the house until she has spent at least an hour getting ready- long hair washed and dried, make up etc.
If I am going out in the evening or have a meeting at work or something I will spend 2 hours getting ready (I have very thick long hair) but if it's just a normal day 15 mins is enough (but I need to have my cup of tea before that).
If you wherein a hurry couldn't you just put your hair up wear glasses and forgo the make up?
On the other hand I would be very annoyed at anyone giving me so little notice of an event/visit.
I think you just have different lifestyles/routines.
Always being late, especially if you do t have DCs to blame it on is rude though.
When not in work, I like to get up slob for a while then do housework and other bits then get washed and dressed.
Housework makes me all hot and sweaty so no point before hand.
I'm really laid back about things like that as it seems so unimportant in the big scheme of things.
The problem with this attitude to punctuality is that it doesn't come across as "laid back" to the people who are habitually kept waiting for you. It comes across as bloody rude and very self-centred because clearly, you are more important than the event you couldn't be bothered to turn up on time for.
My DM was routinely late and she'd also assure you it was "only 10 minutes". But it never is. If your family had managed to eat an entire main course while waiting for you to roll up then you must have been a deal later than 10 minutes.
Is it U to take a hour to get ready every morning? Well no. Not if you have that time available and it doesn't get in the way of other people's plans. It occurs to me that your MIL is playing games here since most people plan their activities with more than 10 minutes notice but if neither of you are prepared to meet half-way on this then it's best that you just decline outings if she can't give sensible notice and you can't reduce your getting-ready time.
Do you keep your whole family waiting on a regular basis though? Because that would wind me up. I can be ready in ten minutes and find people who spend ages preening and perfecting themselves a bit odd. Dh cannot shower in less than 20 minutes which drives me bonkers. It takes two minutes to get clean surely.
That said if your immediate family isn't bothered by how long you take then it's not mil's business.
So in the space of 10 minutes they had been seated, given menus and time to ponder over this. Ordered their mains and drinks, been served both and finished eating.. Really? In 10 minutes.. Think your timings are rather off.
YANBU- but I don't think how long you spend doing your face is the issue here anyway.
The problem is with your MIL seeing it as her right and responsibility to dictate how you spend your time. It isn't. It's entirely your decision whether you're dressed and ready "just in case" at 7am or if you sit in your pyjamas
like me until 4pm.
I wish I had that long to get ready each day.
In school days we get up at 7 & are out of the house by 8pm but that includes the vital cup of tea, breakfast, making sure the children have everything for school, putting a load if washing on, dishwasher, putting bins out etc.
When I've only got me not the kids to sort I'm up & out in 30 mins (including a cuppa)
"Their whole family seems a bit obsessed with punctuality ..... I'm really laid back about things like that as it seems so unimportant in the big scheme of things."
Get up whatever time works for you, get ready when works for you, don't sit around waiting for a royal invitation absolutely. But this bit is snotty. nothing wrong with expecting people to turn up when they're expected to and not nice for you to (essentially) judge them for being small minded when you're the rude one for being late.
It takes me around 20 mins to shower/dress/hair/makeup on a normal day but if I am actually going out for the day ie not working I will spend a bit more time, not much though. I don't expect anyone else to do the same as me though, why would I?
Yanbu op, why should you get up at the crack of dawn to get sorted on the off chance that she might call you
at unreasonably short notice to meet her?
I'm sorry but this would annoy me too, I agree with your mil, I just find it intolerably lazy. Also, as other posters have mentioned I suspect you're late a lot more often than you think you are because it isn't that important to you. Lack of punctuality is a huge bugbear for me because it shows (usually) a lack of respect for others. HOWEVER, having said all that, YANBU! Unless you have a prearranged engagement, it's your business how you spend your morning/get ready. I would check that your DH really is okay with it, but as long as you're both happy, don't worry about it. Do make sure you're on time for future family events though, there's no need to be late to things unless there are exceptional circumstances, and it will just annoy the family.
No, we are in major rush zones to get dh, myself and x2 pre schoolers up and out in an hour.
On a weekend/ work from home day we prob take around 2 hrs to get all ready
8am - wake, read to children 15 mins in our bed
8.15am - tea/ toilet/ milk for kids etc
8.30am-9 - all shower/ get dressed
9-9.30am - make and eat breakfast
9.30-10 am - sort hair/ makeup/ teeth etc
Hmm actually that is still with us feeling rushed. Ideally 1hr for breakfast and 1 hr for us all to shower/ dress etc without saying hurry hurry
Your MIL is bring unreasonable about expecting you to leap out of the house when she calls, ready and raring to go.
BUT my dp was like this. Always late for everything just because he was unorganised and faffing about on his iPhone. Now he get told the plan and he makes sure he is ready as he knows I will go nuclear. I hate being late or making others late.
If you have no plans for the day, who gives a fook if your still in your nighty at 4pm!
I am another one who thinks you are later than you think to events. You were 10 mins late but the whole family had eaten? In 10 mins, a meal had been dished up to the family and finished?
I agree with PP that being late to planned events is rude, especially to things like meals as you know everyone else is waiting for you (or not waiting in the example you gave). If its something casual like a family barbeque then it may be fine, but if its a sit down meal then to rock up late potentially makes it difficult for everyone. It does send a message that you think your time is more valuable than theirs.
When the DC are back in school I don't have the luxury of time because my faffing would make them late and its not fair to make them pay the price for my taking ages to get ready. I have cut my routine down to a point where it works for everyone.
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