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to be annoyed with friend for pretending to be poor

(106 Posts)
cobpol Mon 25-Aug-14 13:25:24


Over the years a certain friend has constantly been poor, so they have sat out many group things and bought less rounds in the pub.

I found out yesterday that the reason he is poor is because he allways saved the lions share of his sallery and was actually well off. He bought a house outright at 30 and now is still just as poor as he only works two days a week.

Aibu to think he lied all these years about being poor?

StillFrigginRexManningDay Mon 25-Aug-14 13:28:15

Was he saying he was poor or saying he couldn't afford things? Saving and buying a house at 30 was a smart move, no mortgage.

weatherall Mon 25-Aug-14 13:29:52


I know people who do this.

They say they can't afford this or that. I wish they would just be honest and say I can afford that but in choosing to spend my money on x instead.

LineRunner Mon 25-Aug-14 13:31:37

Depends. Did he let you pay for things for him? That would be pretty crap of him.

curiousgeorgie Mon 25-Aug-14 13:32:18

Being thrifty in order to save isn't really the same as being poor. Did he describe it this way?

It's smart... I wish I'd done it!

ilovesooty Mon 25-Aug-14 13:32:50

Unless he caused you to be financially disadvantaged I can't see why it bothers you.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Mon 25-Aug-14 13:32:55

What business is it of yours!?

I don't spend as much as lots of people I know, but I probably have more money in the bank than them.

There's a reason for that.....;)

I'm not 'pretending' to be poor - just being sensible.

AdoraBell Mon 25-Aug-14 13:35:10


That isn't poor. It is saving as much as possible from a steady income to assure future security by owning a home without a mortgage. Commendable, but not the same as poor.

magoria Mon 25-Aug-14 13:36:04

Not going to things because you want to save is fine.

Skipping rounds but allowing friends to pay for you is shitty.

Cookiepants Mon 25-Aug-14 13:37:40

I think YABU

As long as he hasn't expected to be subbed its his business what he spends his money on and if he wants more he needs to up his hours. If he has been moaning about lack of money and expecting you to carry him YANBU.

picnicbasketcase Mon 25-Aug-14 13:38:10

If he let other people pay for everything whilst claiming he had nothing then YANBU. That's just tightfisted and inconsiderate. If he just saved instead of going out, then that's up to him.

AlleyCat11 Mon 25-Aug-14 13:38:26

I've a friend like that. Always complaining of being skint. She's actually loaded & has a new house. We're all wise to the game & don't let her get away with not paying in social situations. She always chances it though...

MagnificentMaleficent Mon 25-Aug-14 13:38:51

I say it when it isn't true, it's a nice white lie.

"Will you come to a really tedious bingo night/football match/play with me?"

No I'm skint is much kinder than no it's shit/you're dull/I'd rather shoot myself.

Why do you care? Unless he has borrowed money from you I can't see why it would register particularly.

Nomama Mon 25-Aug-14 13:39:16

So he missed out on things, didn't bother your purse strings?

Frugal man. His current choice is his. I wish him every joy of his obviously low hassle life.

Cookiepants Mon 25-Aug-14 13:39:36

My friend can be similar though. She will say 'I wish we could have a weekend away' or 'I wish I had new clothes/ shoes like you' but she saves £2000 a month shock. Suggesting maybe she saves £1500 and treats herself is met with this face hmm.

MassaAttack Mon 25-Aug-14 13:40:52

If his friends have been subsidising his parsimony thriftiness, then YANBU to feel peeved. Otherwise, YABU - how people spend (or don't spend) their earnings is their concern.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 25-Aug-14 13:42:04

OP says he bought less rounds in the pub. I think its dubious to let others subsidise your trips to the pub so you can save more.

Fine to save but don't let others buy you drinks whilst you plead poverty.

cobpol Mon 25-Aug-14 13:43:28

It bothers me as we had to do lots of things on the cheap.. Like staying in a caravan in Wales rather than renting a lovely cottage. For meals out he rarely drinks and sometimes just had a side dish on the few times he ever comes out

noisytoys Mon 25-Aug-14 13:46:38

YANBU if he saves he can't expect the same day to day living as everyone else. Long term though he will be far better off.

cobpol Mon 25-Aug-14 13:47:12

He didn't so much ask for people to buy him a round, but people did so that he didn't feel left out as we thought he was poor

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Mon 25-Aug-14 13:47:26

FFS why does him having a side dish affect YOU!?

MassaAttack Mon 25-Aug-14 13:48:39

Has his frugal approach to holidays meant that you've all saved money though? Attempting to see the bright side here.

rookiemater Mon 25-Aug-14 13:49:24

I think it's fine if he is doing these things himself - like eating cheaper meals etc etc, but not so good if it means you end up buying drinks for him and compromising on your holiday choices.

I would be annoyed in your situation too. I know some people in similar circumstances, don't want to give too many details away, but it does become slightly irksome after a while.

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 25-Aug-14 13:53:34

If you have subbed him then no you aren't being unreasonable.
Otherwise he has been very frugal for a good reason.

LatteLoverLovesLattes Mon 25-Aug-14 13:54:29

It's not on to pull the 'broke' card if what you mean is you are choosing not to spend money.

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