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Would you expect your ex to let you know if your child had been in A&E?

(32 Posts)
cheepsskram Sun 24-Aug-14 17:40:47

Just that really.

I obv don't want to post identifying details but just wondered if you'd be pissed off if your child had been to A&E and you didn't know until a few days later?

Does it make a difference if it is the RP or NRP that is in the know or not?

Does the age of the child make a difference?

NickiFury Sun 24-Aug-14 17:41:39

Yes I think the other parent should be informed.

scaevola Sun 24-Aug-14 17:43:59

It depends what for, and on the age of the DC.

I'd expect older children to tell for themselves (might be difficult to get them to shut up about it, actually).

For younger children, and any for which onwards treatment is needed, then yes one parent should inform the other.

Castlemilk Sun 24-Aug-14 17:44:18

Yes, a good parent would let the other know, barring DV and other reasons why contact was not a good idea. If parent in the know knew that parent not told would use the information to harrass them/cause problems in some way, I would understand.

Age of child not important really. RP or NRP not important.

allisgood1 Sun 24-Aug-14 17:44:28

I would expect to be informed en route or before they went. Unless blue lighted anything less is unacceptable to me.

SquattingNeville Sun 24-Aug-14 17:44:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ Sun 24-Aug-14 17:47:05

My ExH called me to go with DD, even though he was the RP. He was miles away and DD was at school. I think he would have let me know anyway though.

I would have let him know too, when she was living with or staying with me.

That is absolutely the right thing to do.

mineofuselessinformation Sun 24-Aug-14 17:49:17

Yes, and my xh did after leaving her for hours when she was clearly very ill and in excruciating pain.

Bumply Sun 24-Aug-14 17:49:57

Latest stretch in HDU for DS2s asthma I didn't bother trying to contact NRP, as he doesn't have a workable mobile and is rarely at home to answer his landline (no answer machine). He only contacts the boys once in a blue moon and never asks about anything that's happened in between visits so I figure he's not interested.
I would expect to be informed if he'd taken them to A&E during one of his visits, but that's because I care about my boys welfare and would have to handle any subsequent care/treatment.

Vitalstatistix Sun 24-Aug-14 17:50:11

Yes. I think that both parents should be aware of major things to do with their child.

cheepsskram Sun 24-Aug-14 18:02:24

Thank you. That's what I think. We have minimal contact with the ex after a row last year and she's always been difficult in that (I'm struggling to word this as I know it's about the DCs rights not the parents) whenever there has been a problem, she has never once supported DH. DSChild has always been her child not their child IYSWIM.

DH is upset but is wondering if there is any point in actually contacting the ex to tell him how annoyed he is and pull her up on her not letting him know. She always, but always manages to turn it round on him.

Sirzy Sun 24-Aug-14 18:10:04

If there is contact normally then yes they should be told. How quickly probably depends on the level of contact normally and what is actually wrong.

That said, DS father has only known about one of his hospital trips (the one that ended in hdu at 8 weeks old) the lack of contact when that happened was the start of not having heard a thing from him in 4.5 years so in that case no he has no idea about the subsequent 40 or so trips to a and e.

mynewpassion Sun 24-Aug-14 18:10:31

99% of the time, yes. However, its the 1% where talking is more trouble than its worth.

sanfairyanne Sun 24-Aug-14 18:15:21

depends whether it was a big deal or not. sometimes its just a bit of glue for a slightly open cut. sometimes no treatment is even needed. if it was something that required ongoing care or a need to know, eg head injury, then, yes

gobbynorthernbird Sun 24-Aug-14 18:20:31

Totally depends on what the problem was. I wouldn't bother for minor things such as a couple of stitches, a suspected break that turned out to be a sprain, etc.

Bumply Sun 24-Aug-14 18:21:38

I would have no issue keeping in touch for such things if he made it easier.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be kept out of the loop when that's desperately not what you want.

iwantgin Sun 24-Aug-14 18:22:34


I split with Ds' DF many years ago. Each time DS was ill - even just a cold- and needed to be off school I would let him know. Sometimes afterwards, but always let him know.

Major incidents then definitely- straight away. even though he never seemed able to get out of work to come and support us through emergency surgery

cheepsskram Sun 24-Aug-14 18:22:44

There is something ongoing but DH is only finding out due to sporadic messages from DSC. They don't see each other a whole lot due to teenagers having a lot more interesting things to do than see their dad. He texts and calls regularly to minimal response then gets moaned at for having no interest in their life. It's very difficult. I will suggest that he emails the ex in a measured manner to ask to be filled in as to what is actually going on. She can then (hopefully) email back and there is no need to actually talk.

Thanks again for your opinions. smile

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 24-Aug-14 18:26:43

He hasn't called to see how ds is for 10 years so no. If he was interested and made an effort, I wouldn't think twice.

cheepsskram Sun 24-Aug-14 18:26:56

I can't imagine what it would be like to be kept out of the loop when that's desperately not what you want.

That is exactly how he feels. It's so upsetting for him.

cheepsskram Sun 24-Aug-14 18:28:57

I just want to add quickly that I do understand not letting NRPs who have no involvement in their children know.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 24-Aug-14 18:33:18

Ds was in hospital with pneumonia when he was 8 months. He saw him once, then went out on the piss with his mates for 4 days. I had the flu and had to stay in hospital with ds. I had no money and no clothes, no toothbrush etc other than a strapless bra and a t shirt which he'd grabbed out of the draw.

gobbynorthernbird Sun 24-Aug-14 18:41:01

Teenagers? Unless the DC were incapacitated I'd expect them to be able to manage their own relationship with the NRP. I assumed you were talking about little ones.

spine Sun 24-Aug-14 18:49:17

I think anything that necessitated going to hospital in an under 16 I would want to know, and in turn would inform the ex.

Over 16, probably not as I would expect them to be building a more direct relationship, so they could tell him/me themselves.

TrendStopper Sun 24-Aug-14 19:23:12

I have only ever told my exh about one hospital visit. That was when dd was admitted.

Im not gna tell him about every bump and bruise that she gets. What would be the point? He isnt interested in her life.

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