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to want the mother of my child to email me a response?

(220 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 16:43:29

I became a Dad to a beautiful boy last August. although the situation is not how i planned, i am proud to have become a father even though my visits are limited to once a month. He was changed my life for the better.

I need to explain that she is in the Midlands and i am in east Anglia, i was living in the same city as her but moved away before she became pregnant (still meeting up)

Me and his mother were FWB. We got pregnant and i told her i did not want a relationship but would support my son. We agreed to raise him together as friends.

soon after his birth things went south. Everything we agreed on she has not followed through:

1) double barrelled surname (agreed then changed her mind)
2) visiting his grandparents (as above)
3) allowing me time alone with him (as above)
4) getting christened (i refused but she stated the church only needs one parents consent)

as well as not keeping her promise she is also starting to say some very nasty things to me. not only are the totally untrue (and can be proven with text messages) It's quite obvious that she is trying to become an obstacle between me and my sons relationship.

last week i asked for her email address. I informed her that i will be sending her emails with all these requests i have made and that she can reply in her own time.

in my opinion this is the only way that i can get cast iron evidence that i am trying to make the effort and she is not letting me.

she has refused to do this.

i made the decision last week to find work and move back to the same city as her with the intention of taking a hands on role in my sons life. It wont happen overnight i know that.

So my question is .........

Am i being unreasonable to ask my childs mother to email me a response to my requests?

would you be receptive to the idea?

would you show these emails to your child in 17 years time?

have i opened up a can of worms?

any advice would be much appreciated.


ApocalypseThen Sun 24-Aug-14 16:50:31

Why do you think your parenting relationship has broken down to this degree? Honestly, now, not because she's crazy but you're brillant and great?

Vitalstatistix Sun 24-Aug-14 16:51:07

No you aren't unreasonable to want a relationship with your child, of course you're not, but it sounds like she doesn't want that, so you are probably going to have to go to court for them to formalise arrangements.

Are you on the birth certificate? Are you paying maintenance?

tbh, you really need to focus on reasonable access and building a relationship with your son and put your list of demands to one side. Tackle what's most important - regular visits with your child and building up a loving relationship with him. Don't get into fights about other stuff, that's just going to end up with you and her both digging your heels in and the person who will suffer is your child.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 16:53:39

Honestly? .......I think she is hurt. I think she wanted to be with me but i did not.

Was that a genuine reply? or are you assuming it's all my fault because i'm a man?

Shakirasma Sun 24-Aug-14 16:56:09

Blimey OP, that was a very defensive reply to a simple but important question!

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 16:56:17

@vitalstatistix - thank you for a response.

my name is on the birth cert.

i pay maintenance

with the exception of 5 days, all my annual leave has been used up visiting my son. she was not happy i used 5 days going to a festival.

LadyLuck10 Sun 24-Aug-14 16:56:21

I think you should get legal advice and take it from there. It might be that she is bitter about your relationship not turning into more and using your son to get at you. In any case yanbu in wanting a relationship with him.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 16:57:41

@shakirasma -i do apologise, my message was intended for apocalypsethen

would you consider there reply constructive and helpful?

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 16:58:41

thanks for the response

ApocalypseThen Sun 24-Aug-14 16:59:39

Are you as quick to jump to huffy offense with her? It's nothing to do with being a man, and I suggest that if you're looking for advice from women, you drop that touchiness fairly smart.

The reason I asked is that people in disputes are always quick to explain how hard done by they are, but less anxious to be honest about how they contribute to the situation.

But since you think this is all down to an unrequited passion for you, I guess you don't think you have any role.

JanineStHubbins Sun 24-Aug-14 17:00:55

Have you posted about this before OP? The issue about the festival sounds familiar.

finallydelurking Sun 24-Aug-14 17:01:35

If she allowed you to have your name on the birth certificate what has gone wrong since then?

1) and 4) on your list, don't go there.

Why is she not allowing 2) and 3) is she still BFing?

If you're not able to come to an amicable agreement, you do need to seek legal advice.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 17:04:03

i have reported your first post pal. It was neither constructive or helpful in anyway.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 17:05:07

no mate, first time poster.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 17:05:30

maybe me and the other chap were skanking together at the same festival?

Madamecastafiore Sun 24-Aug-14 17:06:57

You need to stop tutting about with backwards and forwards and wanting emails and get a solicitor on the case ASAP. Much better way of proving your intentions than a bunch if emails 17 years down the line.

Spartak Sun 24-Aug-14 17:08:13

I'm can't possibly imagine why the mother of your child is being "difficult"?!?!

Madamecastafiore Sun 24-Aug-14 17:08:28

Sorry for typos. Huge banging headache. Awaiting relief from huge amount of painkillers!

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 17:08:39

thanks for the response

cruikshank Sun 24-Aug-14 17:08:50

Why did you move away? Unless you were kidnapped, I can see why she'd feel pissed off at being left alone to bring up your child, which probably has quite a lot to do with things not being amicable.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 17:10:25

@spartak - could you please explain.

genericeric Sun 24-Aug-14 17:11:32

I moved back home due to losing my job. she new i had no intentions of moving back permanently but would visit once a month.

this was 6 months before she got pregnant.

Fairenuff Sun 24-Aug-14 17:11:40

Well to answer your question, you are not unreasonable to want a response to your email but equally she is under no obligation to respond.

If communication has broken down between you I think you will have to seek legal advice.

FrontForward Sun 24-Aug-14 17:13:29

genericeric i have reported your first post pal. It was neither constructive or helpful in anyway.


slithytove Sun 24-Aug-14 17:13:55

I'm guessing because he didn't have a crystal ball cruikshank

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