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To think it's rude to...

(25 Posts)
CulturalBear Sun 24-Aug-14 14:51:44

Ask someone to babysit a 1 year old with an hour's notice?

DP just said why don't we text his folks and ask them to watch DS this afternoon.

I would love some time off. But to me that would be cripplingly rude to ask someone to drop everything with such short notice - I don't even like asking the day before!

He says they won't have plans and wouldn't mind (probably not) but I can't let it through on principle.

DP thinks I'm being weird and just making excuses. Am I?

WorraLiberty Sun 24-Aug-14 14:53:53

They can only say no, can't they?

If it was anyone else I'd say it's rude, but no family. Mind you, it depends on the relationship you have with them really.

It sounds as though your DP knows his parents best, so let him go for it.

I wouldn't text though...far nicer to actually phone and speak to them.

WorraLiberty Sun 24-Aug-14 14:54:12

*not family

antimatter Sun 24-Aug-14 14:56:45

Why are you assuming they have to drop everything off?

I can imagine if I offered such help to my kids or friends I would be more than happy to do it if I could. If Ihad other plans I would say - I am sorry, we are busy.

So if they made such offer in the recent past I would try like your DH suggests.

BolshierAyraStark Sun 24-Aug-14 14:59:40

I don't think it's rude at all, ring them.

Summerisle1 Sun 24-Aug-14 15:01:40

If you don't ask, you won't know.

I'm a grandmother and truly wouldn't mind being asked to look after my DGDs at short notice. I couldn't guarantee that I'd be available or not have plans of my own but I certainly wouldn't think it rude to be asked.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 24-Aug-14 15:05:05

It's his parents so he should ask them, not you. And it really should be by phone. Texting such a request is quite rude.

ColdCottage Sun 24-Aug-14 15:05:50

I think grandparents usually love the chance to see grandchild. If they are busy they say no, just word it so they have an easy out if the want.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sun 24-Aug-14 15:13:21

No it isn't rude as long as he asks very politely.
We fancied going to the cinema last night (a grown up film so kids couldn't come) so DH popped over to his mum and asked her if she was free to baby sit for a couple of hours later that night. She and FIL were more than happy to have them for us. I think they love to have them without us there so they can spoil them rotten!
Had she had plans she would have said no and we wouldn't have minded at all. We know she isn't there to be our baby sitter.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sun 24-Aug-14 15:15:04

Oh and no texting. That is rude. DH should telephone or pop round on his own to ask.

whatsonyourplate Sun 24-Aug-14 15:16:16

I do this to my parents. Conversation goes like 'are you doing anything this afternoon?'
'No not much'
'Would you mind having the kids for a hour or two?'
'No we'd love to see them'
'Great, we'll be round in half an hour'.

It's not the same as asking a friend to babysit at short notice.

pudcat Sun 24-Aug-14 15:17:39

A phone call is better than a text. I often look after mine at short notice, or do the school run. That's what families are for - to help each other.

Frontier Sun 24-Aug-14 15:18:23

My parents are so keen to have Dc they wold be delighted, it would literally make their day. Equally, if they had plans they would be more than comfortable saying so.

I don't think it's rude to ask if they would do it, if they have the time/aren't busy. In some ways, being asked with lots of notice makes it harder to day no.

Frontier Sun 24-Aug-14 15:19:31

I wouldn't dream of asking by text though - they might not look at it for days....grin

CulturalBear Sun 24-Aug-14 15:40:35

Well there you go, I'm genuinely surprised! If it was my parents I wouldn't mind asking - I know they'd be honest with me and wouldn't feel forced into it. But they both live a long way away.

DP hates speaking on the phone apart from at work and never calls any of his family. He tends to get me to send all the grovelly do you mind babysitting texts as well (he's a bit social phobic).

<sigh> looks like I missed a chance then to get a couple of hours off :/

Mrsjayy Sun 24-Aug-14 15:52:32

But they are his parents he feels the same as you dont think of your inlaws as strangers and family like your own of course it isnt rude to ask

redexpat Sun 24-Aug-14 15:56:47

It would be rude to expect them to babysit at such short notice, but not to ask.

WorraLiberty Sun 24-Aug-14 16:18:51

I don't get why you're genuinely surprised, if it's the sort of thing that you would ask your own parents to do confused

I do think your DP is rude not to phone them though. So he hates speaking on the phone, but if he's got a favour to ask then he should grit his teeth and do the polite thing.

catgirl1976 Sun 24-Aug-14 16:20:58

My DM would be delighted. She loves spending time with DS.

If she's busy, or too tired or not feeling well, she would just say "No". And that would be fine.

Get you DH to ring them and ask. If they can / want to then that's great, if they can't or don't want to, they can say "no". Which is also fine. But at least you'll know.

BackforGood Sun 24-Aug-14 16:25:38

YABU to think it's rude to ask at short notice - if they are busy, then they'll say so. Leaving it to the last minute diminishes your chances of getting a babysitter, but it's not rude to ask

However, YA*N*BU to think it's rude to text if you are asking someone a favour - just give them a ring, and actually talk to them.

MerryMarigold Sun 24-Aug-14 16:31:01

I wouldn't think it rude to ask my parents or IL's or my sister. I am close enough to them that if they are busy they would say no, and if they are not, they would agree. No need to play any games/ tread on eggshells with family members unless they are really weird! (Or you are).

LatteLoverLovesLattes Sun 24-Aug-14 16:32:14

No problem asking if they're the sort of people who would say 'Sorry we can't' if they are too busy/tired, a bit different if they would always say 'Yes - no problem' but either be massively inconvenienced or resentful.

I don't think there's anything wrong with texting either, if that's how you normally communitcate. It often gives people a chance to think about their answer rather than being put on the spot.

Frontier Sun 24-Aug-14 17:22:20

I agree Latte, texting can often be easier for the recipient when a favour is being asked - gives them time to come up with an excuse rather than being put on the spot face to face or on the phone. I would phone my parents in these circumstances though.

SaucyJack Sun 24-Aug-14 17:29:57

Agree that it's often nicer to text rather than phone if you're asking a favour so you're not putting anyone on the spot. It's much easier to say no by text- or even pretend you haven't seen it.

queenofthemountain Sun 24-Aug-14 17:47:41

I think it's rude.
It's a bank holiday weekend and ringing someone to watch your baby just because you fancy some time off strikes me as being a bit off.It kind of puts them in the position of having to say 'no' which they might find difficult to do, and it kind of assumes that their bank holiday is less important than yours.

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