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should DH have gone to work today?

(64 Posts)
2boysandcounting1 Sun 24-Aug-14 09:24:07

Im 6 months pregnant with a 2 year old and a 3 year old who will be 4 tomorrow. I think i must have PGP as last night i was in agony and could sit down as couldn't bend my left hip to sit. I couldn't even lift my left leg at all off the floor and i had the two children to put to bed on my own as my husband was at work. I txt him and he said what do you want me to do? I said he may need to come home as really couldn't move. He asked if my mom could help me but he did end up coming out 2 hours early. I managed to get into the bath which did ease the pain and went to bed but was in so much pain.

This morning he asked me how i was and i still had bad achy pain in hip area and couldn't put weight on left leg. He said he was going to work. To top it off he is going to fetch his mom due to DS birthday tomorrow which will add an extra 3 hours so i will be on my own until at least 6. I didn't really want him to go as worried how i will manage with the boys. I spoke to my mom and she said she will come over but DH shouldn't have gone to work. Now i dont know what to think. Feel i have no one to ask. My husband is working his second job today so its bank work, he wouldn't get paid if he didn't go but he is not contracted there if that makes sense.

Just sitting here now upset as in one way think my mom is right, my DH isn't always understanding when in unwell as just a week ago i had a vomiting bug and a UTI and he was still asking me to help him with getting boys clothes ready and watching them. Do you think its unreasonable to execr my DH to not go in under these circumstances?

MrsWinnibago Sun 24-Aug-14 09:32:59

It's hard but it's also his job and your income. My DH went back to work three days after I had my second baby by c section.

I was marooned on the sofa with a newborn and a 3 year old. I accepted he had to go though....that was that. I think you need to get your Mum to take you to see the doctor.x Hope it gets better soon.

deakymom Sun 24-Aug-14 09:33:23

ummm you should be seeing a doctor

Hakluyt Sun 24-Aug-14 09:35:45

If there is someone else to help then surely he should go to work if he will lose money by not going?

And I agree with the others- you need to see the doctor.

MagratsHair Sun 24-Aug-14 09:37:27

Go to the doctor.

TBH I doubt his workplace would be understanding if he had to take time off. Sick children yes but a sick wife no. Last year I had food poisoning in the holidays & was unconscious on the sofa for most of the day but DP had to go to work as he would not have been able to take annual leave or time off. Plus it would have been tight if his pay had suffered.

Last week did you say no to him? What was his reaction?

DaisyFlowerChain Sun 24-Aug-14 09:38:11

If he has to work two jobs to finance the household, then he has little choice but to go into work. It's one of those things that has to be dealt with when their is nobody else helping with income.

If it's that bad then call the midwife/doctor. Surely your mum understands the pressure of having to work and if not working herself it makes more sense for her to come?

HappyCria Sun 24-Aug-14 09:38:18

Sorry you are feeling awful sad I had severe pgp from very early on in my pregnancy and it only got worse as the pregnancy went on. Personally we couldn't afford dh nor would I of expected him to be off work to help for almost the whole of my pregnancy so my mum had to come and help with ds.

tittifilarious Sun 24-Aug-14 09:38:22

Agree with all previous posts.

amyhamster Sun 24-Aug-14 09:41:51


thank god your mum is coming over

2boysandcounting1 Sun 24-Aug-14 09:43:27

I did say no to him last week, i couldn't have come down if i tried as body was aching all over. He sorted the boys out but was stroppy about it. I do need to go to the doctors but it only came on suddenly that bad last night and typically it was bedtime routine time. I have had sciatica type pain during this pregnancy but was able to manage it but this was different, i couldn't walk as couldn't lift my leg.

Happycria, does this sound like how you was?

TSSDNCOP Sun 24-Aug-14 09:44:56

Yes he should. He went knowing DM could help you. Tomorrow his DM can help you. I applaud his work ethic in doing two jobs to support your growing family. I'm sorry you're poorly, but surely you can see he's not really BU?

CoolCat2014 Sun 24-Aug-14 09:47:41

If you've got PGP go see a dr who can refer you to a physio. I saw a physio two days ago and already I'm in much less pain. Be careful how you move - keep your legs together when you get in/out cars/bed etc. and don't do anything that is like a sit-up movement, turn on your side first.

Sorry you're feeling so rough, I do empathise, but as for your DH I don't see how he could call in sick because you're unwell. Most companies would not take that well at all.

EarthWindFire Sun 24-Aug-14 09:54:19

You do have my sympathies as I have a condition which means I can pass out from chronic pain. I had an episode last week.

I would have loved DP to not have gone to work however we need the money, therefore I went to my parents (which I have to do a lot).

Of course it isn't ideal, but sometimes you just have to do it.

Companies don't usually take kindly to time off for this kind if thing.

amyhamster Sun 24-Aug-14 09:56:56

is it even possible to see a doctor on a Sunday?

2boysandcounting1 Sun 24-Aug-14 09:57:55

Thanks for all your comments. My mom is here now luckily. I will go to the doctors after the bank holiday. Dont really want my husband to lose money when not going in just wish he could be a bit more understanding when in unwell, its like he gets moody and impatient. Think to be honest its because he cant cope as when i was ill last week the house was in chaos!

furcoatbigknickers Sun 24-Aug-14 09:59:14

A. You need to see a doctor

B. your mum shoukd help you out and not make unhelpful comments about DH

Mrsgrumble Sun 24-Aug-14 10:00:03

Totally sympathise but I think your mum shouldn't have said test dh should stay at home. Does she resent spending Sunday helping you I wonder?

It is extra money for the family.

furcoatbigknickers Sun 24-Aug-14 10:01:08

You're actually very lucky to have any help at all.

HappyCria Sun 24-Aug-14 10:06:05

I could lift my legs. My problem apart from the immense pain was that my legs just kept getting further and further apart the physio eventually had to sign me off work and put me on almost complete bed rest as he was seriously worried that it was going to cause me permanent damage. I could only just about get around using a zimmer frame it was a really awful time for me so you have my full sympathy.

I want to add that I think I was a really unusual case. The physio had never delt with anyone like me before. I'd been in a car accident which had affected my back less than a year before I became pregnant so I've always put my extreme symptoms down to that.

Laquitar Sun 24-Aug-14 10:07:22

Instead of your dh fetching his mum can she take a train and come there earlier to help you?

Is your mum helping you?

If he went to work knowing that your mum helps you and if you need the money then i suppose he did the right thing. However sometimes it is about how the other person reacts to you being ill regarding of going or not going to work. I.e. empathy, a nice word, a nice text from work asking how are you etc.

2boysandcounting1 Sun 24-Aug-14 10:09:48

I know my mom doesn't resent helping me as she helps me alot with different things but she has arthritis and needs a hip replacement so her walking isn't great and so struggles to run round after the boys too.

think she said that as she saw how my husband behaved last week when we were all sick.

Mintyy Sun 24-Aug-14 10:10:27

Oh dear God, no of course he shouldn't have gone to work! They are his children and someone needs to take care of them and you are unable to. He should have taken the day off work and taken you to get urgent medical help.

Can't believe some of the martyrs on here shock!

Bowlersarm Sun 24-Aug-14 10:11:34

Agree with most, he needed to go in. There will be times he may be ill, or the children may be ill and he's needed at home, so your being unwell can't take priority for him to take a day off.

And agree that your mum is very unhelpful in criticising him to you and trying to cause a rift.

2boysandcounting1 Sun 24-Aug-14 10:13:11

Laquitar- totally agree and i think that is the problem. Its like when in not well its an inconvenience. Like last week he told me to not make so much fuss! I couldn't stop being sick and had pain in my back in my kidney area from a UTI and he also said i was sitting down doing nothing! When in well he is completely different but its like he cant handle me being ill.

Deverethemuzzler Sun 24-Aug-14 10:15:32

Its not about being a martyr Mintyy
How do you manage if you lose a day's pay? I would love my OH to stay of if I am sick and he has when I have been unable to move out of bed.
But even then we had to make up the money somehow.

Its the same if he is ill. I can't take the day off to look after him or the kids unless it is totally unavoidable.

In our case OH is unwell pretty much all the time due to MS so my choice would be to give up work. Can't do that.

So we get along as best we can.

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