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To really hate being invited over on very short notice

(95 Posts)
hashtaglater Sat 23-Aug-14 13:34:47

I hate this as I always think am second best. Do people think that am just sat waiting for their poxy invites.

Please tell me am not alone!

CeliaFate Sat 23-Aug-14 13:40:34

Perhaps it's not that you're second best, but your friends/family just fancied doing something on the spur of the moment.
Sometimes I like to make plans, but other times I think, "Let's ring round and see who fancies coming round tonight."
Nobody's thinking you're sitting at home waiting to be invited.
You're overthinking it.
Go and have a nice time!

Unexpected Sat 23-Aug-14 13:42:07

YABU. Say no then if it's such an issue. Also depends on what you are being invited to - a last-minute invitation to a wedding is a very different thing to being called at lunchtime to see if you are free for a take-away or bbq with friends that evening. We were supposed to go out today but for a variety of reasons it didn't happen so we find ourselves at home doing tons of work around the house. However, we have phoned some friends and asked them around for dinner this evening. They seemed pleased. I do hope they're not at home moaning about our last-minute "poxy" invite.

Hakluyt Sat 23-Aug-14 13:42:40

"I hate this as I always think am second best. Do people think that am just sat waiting for their poxy invites.

Please tell me am not alone!"

Yep. Completely alone.

MsAspreyDiamonds Sat 23-Aug-14 13:43:42

Sometimes I invite people over at short notice because I just decide spare of the moment. Also, it's nice to be spontaneous & make the most of the weather & have a last minute bbq.

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 23-Aug-14 13:44:59

Not alone.

I never get invited out and if I do I am never allowed to be in the photos. Even my own DH is the same and I now have the distinct feeling I'm an embarrassment to all those around me which makes me feel pretty shit tbh

Take today.

I said to DH let's get the housework finished (an hours work of me inside him mowing the lawns) and then go out somewhere nice, get a pub lunch out in the countryside etc. I do the housework, DH dithers around doing nothing, comes lunchtime I mention going out 'can't. Not done the lawns'

He's still not done them

We aren't doing anything this BH weekend either because he doesn't want to go out with me - he's going to te pub with his mates though and I'm not invited - and all my 'friends' have plans with their families. I see all these amazing days out and things I want to do, places I want to go, and I want to share them with other people but no one wants to share them with me and it really really hurts.

On the odd occasion I do get asked anywhere it's the same as you, it's the day before or on the day and I know it's because they've been let down. I daren't say no though for fear of never being invited again.

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 23-Aug-14 13:45:34

Wow! I ranted! Sorry!

LadyLuck10 Sat 23-Aug-14 13:48:42

Morethan I really think it's you who has an issue rather than other people? Why don't you confront your DH about not wanting to spend time with you? Also, actually people do have plans with their families over weekends. I don't know why you see that as them not wanting to spend time with you??

Unexpected Sat 23-Aug-14 13:48:42

Morethan, I'm sorry, you sound very unhappy but I think your situation is a little different to the OPs. Could you not just say to your husband "forget the lawn, let's just go out"? And why can you not go to the pub with your dh and his mates? Are there NO females going? What are all the other partners doing while this is going on?

If you think nothing is going to change with him, could you get involved with a group or club locally in something that interests you and partake in outings, meals etc with the people you meet there?

fun1nthesun Sat 23-Aug-14 13:50:21

I invite people at short notice and have been invited at short notice. Doesn't bother me a bit!

Try not to see it as an insult but as someone wanting to spend time with you.

Are you always bottom of the list? Do you have problems with this friend?

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 23-Aug-14 14:03:54

See I don't see it as any different, mines not just DH doing it, everyone does it to me, it's no invites or the ones I do get are exactly like the OPs

magicalmrmistofelees Sat 23-Aug-14 14:12:25

YABU. I'm not good at plans, so always invite friends over/out at short notice. If they're free then great, if not then never mind, it's my own fault for asking at short notice! It's not because I see someone as second best, and never because other plans have fallen through as I never make plans in the first place!

Bowlersarm Sat 23-Aug-14 14:14:35


Say "sorry it's too short notice" next time. That'll learn them for inviting you over.

Happy36 Sat 23-Aug-14 14:16:34

I´m not very spontaneous and prefer to plan in advance so often I turn down last minute invitations. Sometimes it frustrates me mildly that some of my friends or family can´t plan things further ahead as often we have other plans already (or the babysitters are no longer available). However I don´t feel like second choice, I just know I´m not too good with much spontaneity, whereas others have decided to do something last minute. It´s just a difference of personality.

You are not being unreasonable to dislike it but I am afraid I think it´s a little unreasonable to think that last minute invitations mean you´re second choice.

MrsWinnibago Sat 23-Aug-14 14:17:53

Morethan why don't you be more insistent to your DH. If I suggested lunch out and DH "hadn't done the lawn" I'd say TOUGH. We're going out.

googoodolly Sat 23-Aug-14 14:19:16

YABU. DP has a friend who always tries to plan things short notice - unfortunately, it rarely ever works for him because everyone else has plans! But, that doesn't mean that DP and I are his last choices - it just means he doesn't know what he wants to do until the last minute.

morethan your problems are very different to the OP. If my DH didn't want to spend time with me I would be having strong words. Your partner not wanting to go out with you is not the same as your friends being unorganised at the weekend.

AttentionSeekingFantasist Sat 23-Aug-14 14:22:02

Morethan please explain about the photos - why would you not be allowed to be in them? And have you tried inviting people out?

(Sorry to side-track, OP)

Snowfedup Sat 23-Aug-14 14:29:52

It depends what your idea of short notice is ? A friend of dh let it be known that he needs at least 3 weeks notice (obviously so busy and popular) funny enough he doesn't get invited anywhere now and if complains we simply say sorry we weren't able to give you enough notice so we didn't bother contacting you !

hashtaglater Sat 23-Aug-14 14:31:48

I hate it and I always say no then spend the whole day feeling miserable because I said no!

Short notice to me means being invited around 10 ish for something happening that afternoon or evening.

Don't even get me started on last minute bbqs where you have to take own food

BackforGood Sat 23-Aug-14 14:36:58

Agree that Morethan's situation is not the same

It's an invitation - sometimes people do things on the spur of the moment, sometimes people have made the plan, but not got round to getting the invitations sorted no, this isn't me at all at the moment.

I can't see why it's an issue anyway, or not one to get offended about, even if you were invited later. I remember a few years ago we were going to the evening 'do' of a wedding, and got a call the evening before asking us if we'd like to go along to the afternoon meal as well, as someone was ill and had had to back out last minute. Wasn't offended in the slightest - went, had a lovely time, and totally understood that people can't always invite everyone they know to a wedding, but was happy to share there day when there was a last minute chance. I realise many on MN would take offence, but I saw the situation as it was, thanked the for asking me, and had a lovely time.

If you want to go, then go, if it's not something you'd enjoy, then don't, but it seems daft to cut off your nose to spite your face - you're still sitting there on your own when you could be out enjoying yourself.

m0therofdragons Sat 23-Aug-14 14:44:07

Oh dear I'm often last minute with plans but nothing to do with friends being last choice. I tend to see how my young dc are and think oh why don't I see if a friend fancies coming over. In fact the friends I ask last minute are special as they are the ones in my mind. luckily my friends don't think like you. Last week I decided to take dc to a farm the following day. I messaged a friend see said yes fab count us in then when I arrived she'd also invited someone else -a mutual friend who I hadn't seen for 6 months. I thought this was brilliant although I think on mn rules I should have been offended.

CeliaFate Sat 23-Aug-14 14:48:26

I hate it and I always say no then spend the whole day feeling miserable because I said no!
So damned if they do and damned if they don't! Stop making other people responsible for your negativity. Either say no and enjoy your planned day, or say yes and you may surprise yourself and have a nice time.

lorriehearts Sat 23-Aug-14 14:54:21

I'm going to have to go with YABU, OP. I'm quite an anxious person, so I prefer to know what's going on in advance. But I'd love it if friends and family thought to call me up last minute with an invite to something - surely it's a sign that they value your company? It's not really their problem if you decide you can't make it - would you rather they just didn't invite you?

hashtaglater Sat 23-Aug-14 14:55:17

What I cannot understand is why am always being invited and yet I always
Say no. Am very organised and have never sent out last minute invites

Yabu, and rather silly and pretty rude too. You could always say no, politely, or you could say yes. You might even enjoy yourself.

And it's invitations, not invites, whilst we're at it.

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