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Taking a week off from work, DH says "You've done nothing this week!" re housework!

(43 Posts)
quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 05:04:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FishWithABicycle Fri 22-Aug-14 05:11:02

YANBU to be annoyed but YABU to be so annoyed that you post about it on mumsnet at 5:00am. Either this was a tiny little snipe in an otherwise good relationship in which case the best advice is that in future you should "never let the sun set on an argument" i.e. always make up any squabble before bed time, and don't let little things get to you so much. Or if you are so angry because this is just the latest symptom in a long catalogue of evidence of disrespect and belittlement of your efforts, in which case you need to work out what the "real" issue is rather than focussing on individual instances.

quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 05:14:18

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ZenGardener Fri 22-Aug-14 05:18:07

Of course you can relax and be lazy. Enjoy your time off!

FishWithABicycle Fri 22-Aug-14 05:19:02

hoovering at 5:20am would be a delightful response grin not that I'm recommending such a passive-aggressive action but it would be a nice comeuppance.

I say it's is fine for you to relax and be lazy.

fairylightsintheloft Fri 22-Aug-14 06:03:06

LTB!grin not really, just wanted to get that in. Sounds reasonable to me to have downtime that is actually downtime. My mum is like you in that she feels v v guilty if she's not doing something. Even though my parents are both retired she rarely stops before 9pm and will berate herself if she lies in til 8am. Relax, tellmhim what you have been doing and next time he has a day off give him a list of chores.

quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 06:19:47

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FitzgeraldProtagonist Fri 22-Aug-14 06:20:04

Hate make up before bed mantra-only works if you both make up rather than one partner getting huffy with duvet over head and going to sleep

Cerisier Fri 22-Aug-14 06:27:14

What a strange and rather rude thing for DH to say.

I am a teacher so have much longer holidays than DH. He wouldn't dream of criticizing what I have or haven't done during a day at home. However I wouldn't ask him to make me a cup of tea, he would offer or I would offer. We don't ask each other if you see what I mean.

Your DH sounds resentful of your holiday. I am lucky that my DH is grateful for mine as it makes his life easier.

quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 06:35:58

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Doingakatereddy Fri 22-Aug-14 06:36:33

TBH your list doesn't seem like much when put over a week.

You say yourself that the house needs a good spring clean, would it have been to much to do an extra hour a day or a big clean on one day?

I'd see my arse if DH was at home all week and house was a tip, your not doing him a favour the house has to be cleaned

Flipflops7 Fri 22-Aug-14 06:49:17

I was about to say it sounds like a lot of work for a week off grin

quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 06:49:57

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ThinkIveBeenHacked Fri 22-Aug-14 06:50:06

I think next time you have a weeks annual leave and he doesnt you should get yourself off on a holiday. Maybe with a friend.

My DH is a TA and subsequently has all school holidays off, compared with my five weeks. On his holidays the house is marginally tidier and I do no food shopping. However he is on holiday so I dont expect or demand him to suddenly start gutting the house from top to bottom.

quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 06:50:56

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LadyLuck10 Fri 22-Aug-14 06:51:15

Well he's rude! He seems so resentful of your time off. When DH has time off all I want to do is spoil him and let him just relax. If it was a week then maybe a day or two would be for errands but the rest he just takes it easy and catches up with his hobbies etc. It's horrible that he makes you feel guilty.

Musicaltheatremum Fri 22-Aug-14 06:54:26

As long as the kitchen and bathrooms are clean then the rest can just be left. I sometimes take a week off and do very little except slob about and I feel guilty. My husband never used to mention it at all. I am lucky in that I have a cleaner but he's off this week so it's essentials only:-)

quakerbaker Fri 22-Aug-14 07:00:20

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Sunna Fri 22-Aug-14 07:45:14


Why should it be a joint thing if you are at home all week?

I was a teacher and I did all the chores when I was off work and DH wasn't. It's only fair.

TheMaddHugger Fri 22-Aug-14 07:47:37

Soooooooooooooo You are expected to clean on your holidays but on his time he did little to nothing ?

Nomama Fri 22-Aug-14 07:58:00

Ach. He spoke before his gob filter worked.

It doesn't really matter, but you could ave a snark back next time he is in holiday smile

Don't feel guilty, enjoy your BH weekend with him NOT cleaning the house!

Mrsgrumble Fri 22-Aug-14 08:02:59

He shouldn't have said anything. He jealous youre on holiday.

However, I would have set aside one full day and got stuck in (oven, clearout presses, kitchen cupboards, defrosted freezer) but that would be for myself. Then I would have subsequent weekends to myself. Also I wouldn't feel guilty then.

Not say I that's right or wrong. He obviously sees this work as wife work.

BauerTime Fri 22-Aug-14 08:03:33

Id have told him to piss right off! How do you usually split chores? Id say if you hadn't been doing your normal share of necessary stuff then you should probably pull your finger out a little, but if the house is ticking over and he isn't coming home to a tip each day then he is BU.

Id say you only feel angry about his comment because you do feel guilty about not doing much, and yes that is very much a woman thing i think. Put your feet up and enjoy your last day off!

afterthought Fri 22-Aug-14 08:07:21

I'm a teacher - I do everything in the holidays. It doesn't seem fair for DP to be at work all day while I'm at home (we have no children that need looking after) and then expect him to get stuck in.

We keep the house tidy anyway so it doesn't take much time to get stuff done - I tend to stick some washing in, then get stuck in to the rest of the housework while it is doing - and that doesn't need doing everyday. The amount of time I've spent on housework in the last month is fairly minimal.

I can see his point if there is stuff that needs doing that's just been left. My DP's ex was of the 'I'm on holiday therefore I'm relaxing all week' way of thinking and it used to drive him mad.

deakymom Fri 22-Aug-14 08:15:01

you have done more than you usually would plus what he does plus had a bit of a clear out seems reasonable for a weeks holiday if your on holiday you are supposed to relax a little!

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