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To be slightly annoyed at dp's comments re losing weight and marriage

(174 Posts)
Mrskeats Wed 20-Aug-14 09:59:01


To give some context I was married for 19 years and dp has never married although been in long term relationships. We live together.
He knows that I would get married again despite the whole divorce nightmare. Just because I picked the wrong man doesn't men the whole systems wrong right?
So he's definitely marriage phobic for reasons I'm not really sure of.
Anyway he says well if you can get down to a size 12/14 (18 currently as I was when we met btw) we will get married.
I would like to lose weight but am a bit insulted that he sees himself as such a prize that I have to 'win' effectively
Safest bet I ever made he jokes. Grrr
Am I being unreasonable to think this is arrogant and a bit controlling?

IHeartLockhart Wed 20-Aug-14 10:00:10

Do you really need to ask?

Oldraver Wed 20-Aug-14 10:00:10

Ditch now,

CSIJanner Wed 20-Aug-14 10:00:49

Fuck that or a bunch of monkeys. Someone who loves you looks beyond the shell to the person behind. And doesn't care. YANBU - time for a serious conversation.

SaucyJack Wed 20-Aug-14 10:01:47

I think you should lose the weight and get married...... to somebody else.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Wed 20-Aug-14 10:02:07

And you want to marry this tool why?

Lottiedoubtie Wed 20-Aug-14 10:02:24

shock well that'd be enough for me to decide I wasn't ever going to marry him!

AnnieLobeseder Wed 20-Aug-14 10:06:16

That would be a deal-breaker for me, sorry. So either a) you aren't good enough (in his wankerish opinion) for him to marry as you are or b) he's so cocky in himself that you won't manage to lose the weight that he think he's safe and won't have to marry you.

Either shows a shocking lack of respect for you as the person you are now.

LadyLuck10 Wed 20-Aug-14 10:06:25

shock You deserve better.

MrsWinnibago Wed 20-Aug-14 10:08:32

He's really not worth marrying. Get rid.

Nulliferous Wed 20-Aug-14 10:09:37

You could lose 13 stone at a stroke by dumping his sorry ass.

Fudgeface123 Wed 20-Aug-14 10:11:14

Fuck that! Find someone who loves you for who you are now, not for who he wants you to be.

raging on your behalf

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 20-Aug-14 10:12:43

And I bet he's Mr Universe right?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 20-Aug-14 10:13:51

Time to wipe that presumably smug smirk off his face and dump that motherfucker.

And be bloody grateful he gave you a stark warning about what an utter shit he is BEFORE you married him. You can walk away from him and never see him again. (unless you have DCs. you don't right?)

JohnnyDeppsfuturewife Wed 20-Aug-14 10:14:08

Wow, I'm shocked! I was very overweight even before I had children and dh only ever mentioned my weight a couple of times in a 'it would be nice for you to be more healthy' way. If he had put it as a condition of marriage I think I'd have told him to fuck off.

I have lost all the weight, but I did it for me and to set an example to the children about healthy eating.

antimatter Wed 20-Aug-14 10:14:28

making you to jump hoops to win him???

PetulaGordino Wed 20-Aug-14 10:14:31

does he imagine that this is in some way motivational? not that that is in any way an excuse. i agree with annie, it would be a dealbreaker for me

Vivacia Wed 20-Aug-14 10:18:21

Why would you even need to ask?

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 20-Aug-14 10:19:44

What an arsehole.

Castlemilk Wed 20-Aug-14 10:20:00

Wow. No, you need to dump this one.

That's not just a knee-jerk response, by the way. What you've had here is a real insight into this person's character. And it's got a nasty streak a mile wide.

You may not have seen it in evidence yet (apart from here), but it is there.

And at some point, when the chips are down, it will bite you in the bum.

You don't say if you've been with him for long. But I predict:

- either you have not been with him very long, and your posts after this will be 'But he's lovely... so generous... we never argue... etc.'

-or, you will come on and say you've been together a long time, and now you come to mention it, yes he is a bit selfish, yes he does leave jobs for you to do, yes he does pull a face when you have a night out, etc.

TheBloodManCometh Wed 20-Aug-14 10:21:38

What a bastard. Why are you with this fuck wit?

MrsCosmopilite Wed 20-Aug-14 10:22:05


If you feel you want to lose weight that's up to you. You shouldn't feel pressured. I'd be telling him to fuck off.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 20-Aug-14 10:24:58

If you DO lose your body weight, I assure you, OP, that this is just the tip of the iceberg. You will have proved that you are so unworthy of him that he can continue to direct you as he pleases.

This is really not something you would want any children you have to witness because it's a horrible life lesson.

Why you would even entertain another minute of coupledom with this man is astonishing. He should be thrilled and proud that you would even consent to marry him, never mind you have to prompt and jump through hoops.

I say this very kindly, OP. Your 'self-esteem barometer' is on the fritz... please get it checked. shock

twoweeks Wed 20-Aug-14 10:24:59

Urgh. Entitled, misogynistic twat.

Dont marry him!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 20-Aug-14 10:25:23

Tell him to fuck off.

Does he resemble God's gift to the women of the world? hmm

You don't need this tit keeping you hanging.

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