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To hide this from DP?

(37 Posts)
Fixitagaintomorrow Tue 19-Aug-14 17:39:58

Basically I have spent the last two years dieting. Usually very restrictive diets as due to some old injuries I struggle to exercise, I do exercise daily but only gentle exercise. Enough to keep me active and healthy but not enough to class as a workout that will help me lose weight/tone up. So I've been on all the ones like slimfast, juice plus and these celeb diets, I can easily a stone in a week but obviously can't keep up such a restrictive diet and end up putting it all back on and then some. I've tried the whole healthy balanced thing but without proper exercise my weight just stays the same.

So yeah it's been like that for two years and now I just hate food. It seems to be all I think about but the thought of touching food just makes me feel nauseous now. Eating is a massive chore for me and until I get to the point where I feel dizzy I just can't bring myself to eat.

DP works away so doesn't see any of this but has noticed my weight loss (ironic really because now I'm losing weight quite steadily and keeping it off but this time it's not intentional) and keeps asking me if I'm eating so at weekends when he's home I have to force myself to eat in front of him. Now I'm finding myself preparing food while he's out or in the shower or whatever, hiding it in the bin and leaving the dirty plate on the side so I can say I've eaten.

I know I am being sort of unreasonable, I'm lying to him and that's wrong. I should add that his ex had an eating disorder and it affected him a lot and that's why I'm trying to keep it from him, I know he'll think the worst but I know I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not intentionally starving myself to lose weight I've just completely lost all interest in food. It's not a conscious decision. I guess I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm justified in trying to avoid upsetting anyone and I don't really have anyone in RL I can talk to about any of this.

RahRahRasputin Tue 19-Aug-14 17:44:06

I'm sorry, but this does sound like an eating disorder. Not eating until you feel dizzy, lying about what you have eaten, thinking about food/dieting all the time are all signs of an eating disorder.

Would you consider speaking to your GP about this? You will likely need specialist help to deal with it. No one will force you to tell your partner, but you may find that it helps.

Meow75 Tue 19-Aug-14 17:44:56

You could talk to your GP, and I would recommend that course of action as soon as you can organise it.

AlpacaYourThings Tue 19-Aug-14 17:47:37

It would be unreasonable to hide this from your DH as it does sound like you have an unhealthy relationship with food. The fact you want to hide it shows that you know it's wrong.

Can you talk to your GP about it?

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips Tue 19-Aug-14 17:48:04

You have an eating disorder and you need to tell someone. Your GP would be a good place to start.

HandbagCrazy Tue 19-Aug-14 17:49:26

YY to seeing the GP. Not all eating disorders are the same. People with them often don't feel they are starving themselves - they tell themselves they are simply 'behaving' and food is bad. It doesn't take long for the mind to associate food with bad feelings and therefore make you lose your appetite.
Tell the gp everything and let them help you

LadyLuck10 Tue 19-Aug-14 17:50:22

I think you do have an eating disorder. You need to speak to your dp. All those diet fads have messed with your body and eating habits. It seems very concerning.

Partridge Tue 19-Aug-14 17:52:56

I'm afraid I'm in the eating disorder camp. The lengths we can go to to delude ourselves that we have "lost interest" are extreme. The feeling of deceit/ dizziness/ withholding - all addictive behaviour. Did you overeat before? This can be 2 sides of the same coin. It is pernicious and can become miserable - please don't collude with this addictive behaviour and get some help.

Vitalstatistix Tue 19-Aug-14 17:55:10

what do you imagine a person with an eating disorder to be like?

Your actions of hiding food, not eating, pretending to eat, all that deception around food - is classic eating disorder behaviour. you hate food but think about it obsessively, you wait until you are dizzy, etc etc.

when you get to the point where you make food and hide it and show a dirty plate - you have got a problem.

How much exercise do you do? You call it mild, but how much, in terms of time?

Fixitagaintomorrow Tue 19-Aug-14 18:02:38

The not eating til I'm dizzy thing isn't me pushing myself to limits. I usually toy with the idea of making something to eat throughout the day when I'm making something for dd but always end up choosing not to because like I said it feels like a chore. I generally don't feel hungry at all throughout the day and then around 6pm it sort of hits me and I start feeling a bit dizzy. At that point I force myself to eat something because I don't want to be ill.
I was a healthy size 10-12 before dd, due to problems with pregnancy/delivery I was put on bedrest a lot and the weight piled on, I went up to a 16-18 and I am now a 14. I don't want to be really skinny or anything, I think with my frame if I were smaller than a size 10 it would just look wrong.

ChoccaDoobie Tue 19-Aug-14 18:05:08

That sounds stressful for you. I think, if you don't mind my saying so, you are behaving in a disordered way about food even though it may not be an eating disorder as such. I feel for you greatly. I had a period of compulsive eating earlier in my life followed by excessive dieting and exercise and although I eventually got past it I felt as if I wasn't in control of it at times.

I would seek some help if I were you. It is not good for you or your relationship to be hiding things from your dp. Hugs to you, op, it is very hard.

Fixitagaintomorrow Tue 19-Aug-14 18:05:27

I imagine someone with an eating disorder to want to be really skinny, to starve themselves and keep pushing themselves even though it makes them feel ill. I have a wii fit board and I tend to the aerobics game every day or two, it lasts about 20 mins. Or I try and go for a long walk.

RedToothBrush Tue 19-Aug-14 18:05:46

How is your partner going to feel when he finds out about your problem and how you hid it from you - ESPECIALLY since you know he had an ex with a problem in the past.

You are not protecting him, because you DO have an issue.

You should be able to talk to him about anything, regardless of his past. He probably will understand better than you think. If he thinks the worst, maybe its because he's knowledgable about the issue rather than just reading too much into it.

RedToothBrush Tue 19-Aug-14 18:07:33

Your dress size has fuck all to do with whether you have an eating disorder or not btw. You don't have to be skinny.

ChoccaDoobie Tue 19-Aug-14 18:09:59

You sound very similar in size to me op. I know what you mean. I feel as though I look and feel best at a size 10 to 12. Once I begin to get bigger I feel I look very chunky because I am short and have big boobs!

Ultimately though, it's not good for you to not eat. Sometimes you have to force yourself a bit to eat regular meals. It's surprisingly easy to lose your appetite once you start fasting for 5:2 or something like that.

FastWindow Tue 19-Aug-14 18:10:35

OK that's a classic response to 'what does an eating disorder look like'

Think about the words... A disordered approach to food. Then read what you told us. Plus, a 14 is fine.

I can understand why you would want to shield your Dh but... It's having a far more destructive effect on you than it would on him. Reverse the situation, you'd want to help him, wouldn't you?

Snapespotions Tue 19-Aug-14 18:13:27

OP, eating disorders occur in people of all shapes and sizes. What you describe is not the attitude or behaviour of someone who has a healthy relationship with food. I mean this in the kindest possible way, but you need to stop lying to your DH and to yourself, and you need to seek help.

Partridge Tue 19-Aug-14 18:13:31

I'm afraid you sound in deep denial.

Vitalstatistix Tue 19-Aug-14 18:16:11

FastWindow put it perfectly.

An eating disorder is disordered eating.

Which you clearly have.

It is not normal eating habit for eating to seem such a mammoth task that it must be avoided until the point at which it cannot be put off any longer, while at the same time thinking about food all the time and going to such huge lengths to give the impression of eating.

It just isn't

If you truly believe that there is nothing disordered about your eating habits then describe them to 5 people in rl. See what they say.

RahRahRasputin Tue 19-Aug-14 18:17:16

Even if you don't want to make things for yourself, could you have some foods that don't require much preparation? Depending what you like to eat that could be something like oatcakes, cheese, crudites, dips, fresh or dried fruit, nuts... Or could you eat the same food as your daughter?

Maybe you aren't deliberately depriving yourself and you genuinely don't feel hungry, but this way of eating is harmful to you. The dizziness is because you need food. Whether or not you choose to tell your partner, please consider eating in a more healthy way.

I used to eat emotionally sometimes and I found two books very helpful. Susie Orbach on Eating and The Rules of "Normal" Eating by Karen R. Koenig. Both are about trying to eat in line with your needs rather than restricting or overeating. The second one is not actually a list of rules at all, but it uses a CBT type approach to understand and then change your beliefs and behaviours around food. Both books are suitable for both overeaters and undereaters. Perhaps surprisingly, a lot of the underlying beliefs are the same. If you really don't want to speak to anyone about this then perhaps you could try reading one of these books. The first is very short, with just one key point per page, so very manageable.

But I do think you should speak to your GP, as it would be better for you to get some real-life help. Even if you don't have an eating disorder, your eating pattern is not healthy and you might be suffering from various deficiencies (e.g. anaemia) which could be making you feel worse.

ThatLightbulbMoment Tue 19-Aug-14 18:27:44

I have struggled with an eating disorder for the past 15 years. What you are describing is very much how I was in the past. I am now "recovered" in the sense that I no longer need treatment by hcp's but it's always going to be a struggle not to go back to that kind of behaviour.

Please, please contact your gp.

ICanSeeTheSun Tue 19-Aug-14 18:29:23

I would recommend a slimming club.

With slimming world once you reach your target then you are taught how to maintain that target.

ThatLightbulbMoment Tue 19-Aug-14 18:30:41

And btw, I haven't looked like I have an eating disorder for several years now but that doesn't mean it's not there. It has nothing to do with how you look, but your relationship with food.

QueenStromba Tue 19-Aug-14 18:49:00

You really should see your GP - either you have an eating disorder (sounds like anorexia to me) or you have something physically wrong with you. The pretending that you've eaten when you haven't is classic eating disorder behaviour.

hamptoncourt Tue 19-Aug-14 18:49:39

OK OP I will play along with you that you don't have an eating disorder you do

Let's say it isn't that. So then are you not really terrified about what is physically wrong with you that you have absolutely no appetite? Surely you should be seeing your GP about that and having investigations done?

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