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To think its there is nothing wrong with a 14 year old wearing drynites

(78 Posts)
Nymeria01 Tue 19-Aug-14 11:10:10

I was having a chat with my friend during which she brought up that her 5 y/o is still in nappies at night. To make her feel better I said that DS1 is 14 and still wears drynites as he wets the bed almost every night. She said in the most judgemental way that "at 14 nappies should not be in the picture" and that "of course he is going to wet the bed if he wears them". I felt like crying afterwords, I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't trying to make her feel better and then she makes me feel like a bad parent.

Twitterqueen Tue 19-Aug-14 17:51:38

There is a clear hereditary link with bedwetting at late stages. Please tell your DS this so he knows he is not alone and that it is not his fault.

I know of 2 siblings who were both wet on a regular basis until 12 / 13. The other sibling was dry at 2 years old.

And I agree with other posters - never share this kind of deeply personal and sensitive information with anyone

Nymeria01 Tue 19-Aug-14 18:26:30

I should say that we have try without the drynites almost every school holiday (not this summer as he has been diagnosed as a celiac so he has that to deal with) and it always ends up in very little progress with a great deal of discomfort and upset. I have never been told that wearing nappies prolongs it from a professional, but then again I haven't asked. He wears the drynites mainly to ensure he gets a good night of sleep so he can continue doing brilliantly in school. It is always his choice to wear them and does so not out of laziness. I fully accept it was wrong of me to share this, its the only time I have. One of the reasons for joining MN was so I didn't feel I had to talk to friends, so I can't use that as an excuse. As I said before I wish I could take it back.

Thomyorke Tue 19-Aug-14 19:01:50

Ds1 stopped when puberty kicked in, his was hormonal and we tried the alarm which woke everyone but him. Not using drynites would of made no difference to his hormone imbalance but would of effected his self esteem to have to wake an adult to change his bed would of mortified him. The tablets where great for sleep overs and residential trips. He is fine now.

adsy Tue 19-Aug-14 19:04:22

Really? You shared sensitive medical about your 14 year old?
ffs this place is getting madder by the day

70isaLimitNotaTarget Tue 19-Aug-14 19:05:41

Nymeria hopefully your friend feels embarassed with herself for the comment. If she does say anything unpleasant or counter-productive just tell her to concern herself with her own DC and you will concern yourself with yours.
Does your DS go into a deep sleep?
I used to find my brain cleverly involved my bladder in dreams so something like dreaming I'm on the loo, or the alarm clock telling me it's safe (which looking back was probably very annoying to go almost all night, bladder filling but not waking in time)

Statistically yes, alot of teens do still have trouble - have you looked on the ERIC site?
They have pants that have a removal (either washable or disposable) liner. Could be more cost effective.
Good Luck

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 19-Aug-14 20:07:08

"I think if a 14 year old is wetting the bed, there is something very very wrong and you need to request that he is referred to a psychologist if he has not been already"

Its already been said but its worth repeating, its not always psychological, please go and educate yourself.

Tikimon Tue 19-Aug-14 20:15:50

I know nothing of bed wetting, so I'll keep my nose out of that.

But your friend reacting like that was insensitive. Maybe she was worried that if her child was still wetting the bed at 5 he could very well still be doing it at 14?

She knows that keeping nappies isn't the reason, otherwise she would have cured her 5 year old by now. I would just tell her you didn't appreciate her insensitivity to a medical issue. Or just refuse to engage in the subject from here on out.

Tikimon Tue 19-Aug-14 20:17:54

Also, yes careful about what you share about your child in the future. I don't tell my mother anything that I wouldn't expect the rest of the extended family to find out about. DH let my MH problem slip to my mother and I told him if it happened again it was divorce. You want to be a mother your son can confide in, not one that he has to hide things from.

PhaedraIsMyName Tue 19-Aug-14 20:40:36

Are you Julie Myers on by any chance?

You had no right to share that information with her.

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 19-Aug-14 20:48:28

If the information gets shared or not is solely a matter for the op and her child and nobody else.

Some people prefer to be open about things they would prefer not to be taboo and that is up to them.

MammaTJ Tue 19-Aug-14 20:52:41

My DS is going to be 8 next month, he still wets the bed and wears dry nights.

I told my friend and she told me her 14 year old does too. She pointed me in the direction of help, in the hope that what failed her DS might help mine.

I would never have thrown it in her face the way your 'friend' did to you!

ReallyTired Tue 19-Aug-14 20:55:07

I feel a distinction needs to be made. Wetting the bed at 14 years old is not a defect of personality. Your 14 year old is a perfectly decent human being with a medical problem. Plenty of pregnant women have problems with continence both before and after childbirth. I think that a 14 year old with continence issues has something wrong with them which is almost certainly has a medical problem.

I am sure that the OP son is under a consultant to find out that the cause of the issue. I imagine that it must be wretched to need dry nites pants at 14 year olds.

nocoolnamesleft Tue 19-Aug-14 21:11:43

Sorry, practical point - you mentioned that the poor chap has also been diagnosed with coeliac? There's definitely a proportion of the older bedwetting young people who are subconsciously masking constant gut signals, and that makes it harder for the weeing signals to get through. Treating his coeliac may actually help the wetting, but if he has any degree of constipation, please please get that treated. Having pooing perfect, rather than okay, really makes the difference in some of these kids, and gives a window of opportunity for getting real improvement.

I would actually agree that using a decent quality pullup/nappy can delay progress. But there's a really big but. If they're ready to improve, nappies can delay things. If their body isn't ready, being wet every night is miserable and can get them sore, so using nappies for term times is fine, as long as you give it a try during holidays. Some people find wearing underwear under the nappies is a useful halfway stage - that way they do feel wet, but the poor kid isn't lying in a cold soggy bed.

Oh, and by now I'm sure you've done most lifestyle stuff the best you possibly can, but wanted to make sure he was drinking lots (at least 2 litres) earlier in the day, and that you'd banned fizzy drinks except as occasional treats.

Oh, and your friend's reaction was not reasonable.

ReallyTired Tue 19-Aug-14 21:52:28

No NT fourteen year old chooses to wet the bed.

A 14 year old with a medical problem needs different management to a five year old. With a younger child the parents make decisions about how much protection the bed needs. A fourteen year old would change their own weed on sheets and manage their own personal hygiene. At that age its not a parenting issue having a child in nappies as the child is treated as adult for medical purposes.

Surely a 14 year old should decide whether he wears pull ups or not, or restricts their drinks intake just like a pregnant woman decides whether to use tena lady or not.

ICanSeeTheSun Tue 19-Aug-14 22:03:56

Op I hope he gets dry in the night soon.

What a complete bitch to put you down. So what if a 14 year old still wets the bed.

Mucho Tue 19-Aug-14 22:37:25

Really - can I just say that was a fantastically supportive, measured and thoughtful post. What MN should be about.

Nymeria01 Wed 20-Aug-14 17:23:58

nocoolnamesleft Thanks so much for that insight. A link between the celiac symptoms and wetting the bed has be mentioned by the GP before. Also thanks for recognising how difficult not using nappies can be. Its been a really difficult few months for him. He has just started to control his celiac symptoms (has stopped pooing himself), I don't want to continue the humiliation and stress by taking away the drynites.

Reepits Wed 20-Aug-14 17:33:15

Twat friend. I second Eric. As a person who due to neglect and physical abuse I wet the bed out of fear till I was over 10. I wish there had been dry instead of having a nasty puss sheet.

Reepits Wed 20-Aug-14 17:34:17

Piss....dry nites. Grrr

susiedaisy Wed 20-Aug-14 17:44:53

Your friend is a prat. No your son won't wet the bed just because he has dry nites on, what a bloody stupid thing to say. My ds is 16 and still has to take desomelt tablets most nights. We have tried alsorts and have seen several experts etc etc the upshot is they grow out of it eventually. There is no magic cure.

My younger ds was dry at 4 years old at night. I know how you feel op. Over the years people have said some ridiculous things to me about why my ds wets the bed.

Nymeria01 Wed 20-Aug-14 18:59:23

I should also ad that we tried the desomelt medication and it didn't do anything. The choice he really has in the short term is whether to wake up in a wet bed or wear the nappies.

nemno Wed 20-Aug-14 19:14:51

I'd do whatever your son wants to do. He will undoubtedly be listening to the medical advice so he can decide. I have no doubt he is highly motivated. I wish you both a resolution soonish to his difficulties. Good luck.

icanmakeyouicecream Wed 20-Aug-14 19:17:56

You poor thing. Your 'friend' is an absolute arsehole. What friend says that? Bizarre.

My brother was in dry ties until he was about 15. In the end he had an electric bed. Think it was called that? It was alarm based and woke him up as soon as he started to wet himself. It eventually got him out of the deep sleep he was in that stopped his brain from waking him up when he needed to go.


icanmakeyouicecream Wed 20-Aug-14 19:18:17

Drynites - auto correct!

GreenPetal94 Wed 20-Aug-14 19:56:20

My son wet the bed til 10 and also wet the bed on a high school trip (that was unfortunate as he was not wetting anymore by 12 but had drunk too many cans of fizzy drink without thinking). Actually the two kids in his bedroom didn't make a fuss or tease him.

So I used dry-nites until they were always dry, that worked for us.

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