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To wonder... how old is too old to be a dad?

(34 Posts)
Keletubbie Mon 18-Aug-14 09:30:02

My DP and I were having a baby chat the other night, and this topic came up.

I'm 31, with a 6 year old DD from a previous relationship. DP is 45 with no kids. We've been together for 18 months and all is well.

I didn't think I wanted any more kids - I hit the jackpot with my mini me and was a single mum until she was 5, so it was bloody hard work. But lately I've been thinking that 'just one more' would be nice...

We're not ready to take the plunge yet, but how long is too long to wait? Especially as DP is that bit older? I have no reasons to doubt my fertility... just curious what others think.

hels71 Mon 18-Aug-14 09:31:50

My DH was almost 50 when DD was problems so far, although people assume he is her granddad often when we are out. She finds this amusing at the moment although may not as she gets older.

PortofinoRevisited Mon 18-Aug-14 09:33:47

My dh was 46 when dd was born. She is 10 now and he is still a very hands on Dad. The difficulty I foresee is that he will retire when she reaches Uni age and it will all fall to me grin

Turquoisetamborine Mon 18-Aug-14 09:41:46

My dad was 50 when my half sister was born. The bonus being he retired when she was 4 so no childcare problems.
She goes to quite a posh school and lots of the kids seem to have older parents so it's not an issue with embarrassment. He's patient and kind with her and they have a lot more money than when we were little.
I don't see a problem with it.

Only1scoop Mon 18-Aug-14 09:44:52

Dp was 46 when we had dd. An amazing dad. Many of his friends are older first time dads also.

Tapewormuprising Mon 18-Aug-14 09:45:04

My dad was 45 when i was born.

He's a great dad and grandad, and is fairly fit and healthy, but still struggles with playing with his grandchildren and in about 10 years time, i imagine the help he will need will be significant. My mum died 15 years ago, so she isn't there to help him out. He's had 2 heart attacks, and various other health concerns, although none really affect him significantly day to day.

I personally think 45 is a little old...

Squidstirfry Mon 18-Aug-14 09:48:15

I think medically they say if the father is over 55 there's an increased risk of chromosonal abnormalities (downs etc)

I am PG and my DP is 49 !! I plan to have at least 1 more with him, He is amazing I am not worried.

Solasum Mon 18-Aug-14 09:51:42

I think it is about personality rather than age. My dad had two children in his early 30s then me in his 50s. He was never hands on at all with any of us, he just isn't interested in children. Grownup children, on the other hand, are fine.

Latara Mon 18-Aug-14 09:52:14

If you are Rod Stewart or Des O'Connor or Mick Jagger then 'never' is too old to be a Dad! smile

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 18-Aug-14 09:55:38

I agree with portofino about future financial commitment. I don't believe there is any embarrassment having an older dad. But your partner is 45 you might want to TTC as son as possible, so he would still be working when the child goes to university. We will have to pay for it for sure and it's easier if you are still working. Unless ofc you have a very well paying job. It's just something to consider.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 18-Aug-14 10:00:23

And age isn't an indication of health sometimes. I was taking to a colleague and his granddad is 80 and maybe planning his retirement soon. He's really fit and healthy.

OTOH, FIL had been ill for ages. He had his first heart attack before 40 and has just passed away at 68 or 69. He had dementia for at least 3-4 years too. That's before our retirement age! The thing is his aunt just passed away 2 years ago at the ripe old age of 90ish. She taught aerobics before a fall which led to her decline in her last year.

It's just all so hard to predict if you will still be healthy at 70 isn't it?

Keletubbie Mon 18-Aug-14 10:02:33

Thank you for the different perspectives.

My dad was 54 when my younger brother was born and as a result only retired a couple of years ago when he finished uni. He's a fantastic dad and in good health, but I know DP's dad passed away in his 60s.

I fell pregnant with DD after too many glasses of wine and one forgotten condom, so I'm hoping it'll happen just as quickly when I want it to smile

I'd like to wait at least another 12 months, but I doubt there's ever a perfect time.

WhizzPopBang Mon 18-Aug-14 10:15:31

DP is 46 and we had our first DC together last year - he's very young at heart, looks young, acts young - I think that all counts... He has more fun and silliness with DD than I do half the time! I'm really hoping he'll be up for another in the next couple of years but I think having the energy for it might be a factor.

fuzzpig Mon 18-Aug-14 10:29:16

DH was 39 and then 41 when we had our two (I was 20 and 22 grin)

He is now 46 and we might TTC in the next couple of years as we would love #3 but he has said it must be before he's 50 - that's just his own personal feelings on it.

He is a fit and healthy man, usually mistaken for younger. He had a back injury for a few years that did age him but now he's recovered he's back to doing 10k runs and stuff.

halfdrunkcoffee Mon 18-Aug-14 10:32:59

DH was a couple of weeks off his 44th birthday when our first child was born, and 46 when our youngest was born. I I'm 12 years younger. DCs are now 3 and 1. He does seem to find fatherhood tiring, but reckons that would have been the case 20 years ago as well. For him, he said 50 was his personal cut-off in terms of likelihood to still be alive when our children are grown-up (his uncle was 60 when his son was born!) It is a really personal decision though.

MumBoots Mon 18-Aug-14 10:36:15

My DH was 44 when our youngest was born.

He has a couple of good friends who became parents again in their late forties (second marriages).

I dont think there is a right or wrong answer. For some people, 40 will be too old. For others, 50 would be fine. Totally depends on how the couple involved feel about it.

lagoon Tue 19-Aug-14 09:51:12

I am in the same situation. I am late 20s and my partner is 50 next summer. I have one child and he has grown up dc. We'd love one together, we feel we haven't been together long enough at the moment to have a baby right now but thinking starting TTC next summer, but anything could change.
It's a very personal decision and every couple and older man is different!

Lymmmummy Wed 20-Aug-14 11:40:20

I think ideal age to be parent is prob by late 30's - but in real life we don't all get ideal situations to make choices from - I don't think 45 is too old but wld get on with it as I think 50 prob is too old IMO

Keletubbie Wed 20-Aug-14 13:06:56

Might try and get a ring on it before I get too huge to look fab in a wedding dress ;)

naty1 Wed 20-Aug-14 13:11:07

Depends on how desperate you are for baby.
Past success is no guarantee (secondary infertility especially with new and older partner.
A lot of people seem to deteriorate from 50, especislly smokers.
My uncle had 2 in his 50s and has had a brain tumor at about 60 something.
I wouldnt choose to have one at 50 but then im not the healthiest person and exhausted enough having one at 33.

ThisFenceIsComfy Wed 20-Aug-14 13:13:40

My father was 56 when my half sister was born and he's a Said.

ThisFenceIsComfy Wed 20-Aug-14 13:14:11

Said? SAHD

expatinscotland Wed 20-Aug-14 13:15:33

Depends on if he feels too old. I am 43 and feel too old.

60sname Wed 20-Aug-14 13:35:26

My dad was 50 when I was born. There is a big generation gap (some of this is a reflection of his personality) and it is now coming home to him that he won't be around to see his (as yet non-existent) grandchildren grow up. I personally wouldn't recommend it.

HenriettaTurkey Wed 20-Aug-14 13:43:01

Dh's df was 50 when he was born: older than my grandparents. His mum was a bit younger but they both died before DS was born, which we think is a real shame: they would've loved him & he'll never get to know more about that side of the family.

Of course being young in no way guarantees you will be there for them, but DH was always insistent that he wanted to have finished having children by 40 because he found it hard having older parents. Our final child is due less than a month before he turns 41!

To be fair he would've been slightly flexible on that, but his principle remains the same. smile

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