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That I should have my operation

(10 Posts)
Bongobaby Sun 17-Aug-14 16:56:37

I'm due to go in for surgery next week that is going to take a six week recovery period.I have been struggling with the pain for just over a year and the best thing to do is have this surgery to put it right and hopefully fix the pain.
But because of the long recovery period I'm now thinking this may not be a good idea. I'm a single parent to ds and I'm shitting it that we are not going to be able to cope on our own. I will have to rely in ds a lot when he comes in from school. The hospital mentioned an adult social worker but if they know I can't cope I'm frightened they may take ds from me.
I'm currently on ESA but have applied for PIP so that maybe I could of afforded a carer to come in and help cook a meal. Am I bu to maybe postpone the op, panicking now!

poppysqueak Sun 17-Aug-14 17:12:00

Bongobaby - please have your much needed operation and accept all the help you can get, from whatever source it is offered. There is no way social services would be looking to remove a child because you need 6 weeks to recover.
Good luck

nocoolnamesleft Sun 17-Aug-14 17:16:35

Take any help going, but have the operation. It sounds like you'll have to have it at some point, so why let your ds see you suffering in pain longer than he needs to? You're not getting fixed to be selfish. You're getting fixed so that when you're better bith your lives will be better. Social workers aren't going to want to take your ds for this. They'd sooner give you a bit of help to cope - cheaper, and less work for them!

wheresthelight Sun 17-Aug-14 17:26:52

As someone who desperately needs an op that for age restrictions I cannot have til I am over 40 (6 more years) have the operation!!

If you are on a low wage then an adult social worker will be able to arrange additional support for you and ds. Contrary to popular belief they are not out to remove every child from its family. Their priority is to keep the child in the best place possible and a temporary incapacity due to hospital admission will not result in removal.

ArabellaTarantella Sun 17-Aug-14 17:31:19

Of course they won't take your son from you - if they are offering help, then please accept it. Please don't cancel the op - the time will fly by I promise you. Good luck.

Bongobaby Sun 17-Aug-14 17:55:35

After all your advice I won't cancel the op but will speak to social services and see if they can offer some help. I have been really worried that we aren't going to be able to cope. I suffer with mental health problems and was working myself up into a state thinking they may take him from me.
Just need reassurance they may be able to help.

missymayhemsmum Mon 18-Aug-14 22:15:23

You still have time to prepare- ask all your friends, family and neighbours for support, stock up a freezer full of readymeals and pizza, talk to the social worker and see what help they can offer- it's only for a short time. Talk to your son's teacher too, as the op will have an impact, and school may be able to help/ support him. Trust that there are kind people who will support you if you ask.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 18-Aug-14 22:55:58

Please don't worry, I have carers everyday as I'm permanently disabled. It took me a long time to ask for help as i am a single mother, at the time with a baby, now with a preschooler. I was terrified they would take my baby. Absolutely scared stiff. And I was convinced that if anyone told them I was depressed as well as physically disabled, they'd think I was an unfit mother and subject me to all sorts of assessments and jumping through hoops.

It turns out that they can't legally can't take a child away from a parent purely because of being ill. But also really don't want to as it would cost them a fortune, as well as not be good for the child. They have to act in the best interests of the child, and taking a child away from their sole care taker where there is no abuse or neglect would do untold harm.

So basically, don't worry. I researched this to the nth degree smile

Have a think about what kind of help you might need. Would it be the stuff uoud nornally do like household and personal care help? Like, tidying, cleaning, meals, helping you run a bath / get in and out, or being your hands and back, lifting your dc into the bath etc? Or would it be childcare? I don't know the age of your child but from the sounds of it, more help in the home than childcare/ babysitting type stuff?

As a first step, it should be adult social services who help you, as you need help with your needs, and one of those needs is your parenting needs.

This is where you have to stick to your guns a little, as all departments would rather finding came from a different department due to all the swingeing budget cuts, so adult social services may try and throw you over to childrens services. Some may say that if it involves a child it must be children's services, but that's not actually true if it's about helping you do stuff for your child.

But as its temporary, it probably doesn't matter who ends up helping as long as they provide the kind of help you need, and they understand these needs are solely due to you having an operation.

Jenny70 Tue 19-Aug-14 05:48:17

And don't forget whilst recuperation is 6 weeks, each week of that you will (hopefully) be recovering, getting stronger and able to do more... it won't be like you're out cold for 5w6days then magically better. The first few weeks will be the hardest, but frozen meals to reheat, online shopping orders predone, washing up to date etc, will limp you through the worst of that initial period. Then hopefully you will be able to do bit by bit more, and with some help you'll come out the other side "fixed" from your painful condition and in better shape than you are now.

MiscellaneousAssortment Tue 19-Aug-14 17:56:45

Yes good point jenny, and equally OP if you overdo it then you won't get that steady recovery so definitely worth trying everything you can to as much help as poss in those first few days.

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