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To feel really upset aft DP pointed out a hot girl he thought should 'sit on his face'

(302 Posts)

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peachyliz Sun 17-Aug-14 15:18:24

My DP of 3 years occasionally glances at other women discreetly. I'm fine with that. More recently when his mates are over, they talk about hot women (celebrities) at great length, and I laugh and go along with it. A few times recently he has made similar comments about hot women, even when he is just with me.
Then yesterday we were going through a drive-through, and he pointed out a woman working there and said "she doesn't belong here, she is way to hot to work here", so going along with the joke, I said "oh really?". And he said "she belongs sat on my face".
I was completely stunned, and as we were on the way to spend the day with my family, I just didn't say anything. We spent the evening with friends, and he joked with them that he had crossed the line, and wanted me to just forgive him (in front of them, so no opportunity to talks about it).
I'm angry because I feel like he just doesn't respect me, and that I am a bit of a doormat. I'm having a confidence crisis anyway, because he recently spent several weeks with mention-itus about a new, beautiful female friend of his (who is apparently just lovely, talented, and invited him to a BBQ party without me). So I just feel even more insecure now. If this is the stuff he says to my face, what does he think about when he meets other women?

Sorry for the essay. Am I being unreasonable to be really upset and angry?

Mumraathenoisylion Sun 17-Aug-14 15:21:05

Do you have children with 'dp'?

WildThong Sun 17-Aug-14 15:22:33

He's a charmer

Bunbaker Sun 17-Aug-14 15:23:23

Is he a teenager?

Why are you still with such a misogynistic idiot?

MrsCampbellBlack Sun 17-Aug-14 15:24:18

Wow, I think I'd be seriously considering my relationship and making some exit plans.

TheHouseatWhoCorner Sun 17-Aug-14 15:24:26

He doesn't respect you. He sounds horrible.

londonrach Sun 17-Aug-14 15:24:45

My teenager male cousin would never say that. Your dp sounds very young.

wantacatplease Sun 17-Aug-14 15:25:07

He has 0 respect for you. And for the waitress. And probably for all women forevermore.

Keletubbie Sun 17-Aug-14 15:26:00

Yeah, he's being a dick.

CatKisser Sun 17-Aug-14 15:26:19

Im going to take a wild stab in the dark and suggest that you can do better than him, OP. Aside from the delightful original comment it was very unfair of him to bring it up in front of other people, knowing you wouldn't feel comfortable saying how much it upset you.

Holdthepage Sun 17-Aug-14 15:26:30

Crossed the line? He's so far over the line if he looked back he wouldn't be able to see it. It is disrespectful to be ogling other women while he is with you. Give him the boot OP, you can do better than this.

LadyLuck10 Sun 17-Aug-14 15:26:41

He has no respect for youshock

LEMmingaround Sun 17-Aug-14 15:27:17

Vile. He sounds unintelligent. I'd ltb.

LuluJakey1 Sun 17-Aug-14 15:28:35

YANBU at all.

I would have lost it with DH completely if he had done that to me. It is misogynistic and disrespectful and shitty. The fact that he has not grovelled and saw it as a joke would make me even angrier.

He is repeatedly getting away with unacceptable behaviour towards you.

I would seriously be thinking, given the other things you have also mentioned, about leaving this relationship today.

BringMeSunshine2014 Sun 17-Aug-14 15:28:51

Why are you with him?

I sure as hell wouldn't be, he sounds revolting.

IHeartLockhart Sun 17-Aug-14 15:29:37

I'm fairly laid back about DP appreciating other women but that is way over the line!

MerryMarigold Sun 17-Aug-14 15:29:51

Unbelievable! And the beautiful, female friend. He is
only with you because you tolerate this. Have singer self respect woman! Stand up to him and I bet it all ends very quickly.

Flangeshrub Sun 17-Aug-14 15:29:56

He sounds an absolute knob and does not respect you. Make no long term plans with this man-child (crosses fingers that you haven't). My 17 year old son wouldn't dream of speaking to his gf like that so why would a 'man' be allowed.

Dump his ass sista (said in American accent) smile

Capitola Sun 17-Aug-14 15:30:13

Well, he sounds like an arse who has no respect for you whatsoever.

Vitalstatistix Sun 17-Aug-14 15:31:11

He lacks respect for women. Sounds nasty and childish.
Why do you want him as your partner when he makes you feel bad?

peachyliz Sun 17-Aug-14 15:31:27

Oh, thank god, I thoughtless being over sensitive. He has recently turned 30, and I am wondering if this recent spate of douchebag behaviour is related his freak out. There was lots of "I wasted my 20s in a dead end relationship" (not with me though!).
It's like he wants to go back to some kind of free and single mentality. Although it's still a nasty comment to make, even if for a single bloke.

notagainffffffffs Sun 17-Aug-14 15:31:36

Ltb. No really.

Toofattorun Sun 17-Aug-14 15:31:51

He sounds absolutely fucking awful...
What mind of a partnership is this? I wouldn't have been ok with any comments about other women from the start. He obviously thinks you are ok with this kind of talk and he is pushing you for a reaction to some extent.

If he respected you in the first place, he would never have even uttered words like this. He must know it's making you feel insecure.

A relationship should be about supporting and lifting your partner up psychologically, not bringing them down.

I would seriously be having words with him and then consider leaving the asshole.

DertieBertie Sun 17-Aug-14 15:32:09

Urgh, that is so gross OP! I hope you're feeling okay, I'd be really upset if my DH ever said anything like that! It's awful he'd even think anything like that about another woman, let alone say it to you. I think you need to give your relationship a long hard think.

flowers for you

Vivacia Sun 17-Aug-14 15:33:51

It's like he wants to go back to some kind of free and single mentality.

He'd be getting it too if he were my "DP".

Although it's still a nasty comment to make, even if for a single bloke.

It's a nasty, misogynistic comment for any person to make.

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