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DH bought someone an eternity ring when I was out of town. AIBU to freak out?

(131 Posts)
Topaz25 Sat 16-Aug-14 22:25:50

I have been out of town for two weeks helping to care for my dying grandmother. She sadly passed away on Monday and I returned home a few days ago. Since then things have been up and down with my husband and we have argued. He seems distant since I got back, which was a bit of a red flag. OTOH I am obviously tense and over sensitive at the moment.

Tonight I found (in the open, I wasn't snooping) a receipt showing that he purchased a silver eternity ring while I was out of town. The ring is not my size and I do not have a birthday or other special occasion coming up. I suppose it is possible that he bought the ring to cheer me up (and forgot my size) and then hasn't given it to me because we argued. Something else that worries me is this ring was purchased from a shop that has several branches in our home town but it was not purchased here, it was purchased from a branch in a nearby town. I don't even know why he would be there. Another issue is that it was purchased on a Monday. Monday is normally my husband's day off but recently he told me was doing overtime on Mondays. AIBU to be concerned? AIBU to confront him? I don't want to come across as paranoid and start another argument. WWYD?

mrsbrownsgirls Mon 18-Aug-14 09:40:32

what a nasty final remark, wedg.
OP , glad this has been resolved

meltedmonterayjack Mon 18-Aug-14 09:56:06

So sorry about your Grandma flowers

The problem with confronting him is that even if it wasnt bought for you, he'll just say it was. So you still wouldn't know if he's just saying it's to cheer you up just as a cover up if he's caught out.

RedToothBrush Mon 18-Aug-14 10:02:14

I do dislike the projection on MN which automatically assumes the worse. It has the potential to do far more damage that the issue the poster has in the first place.

People are still at it, even though the OP has said she realises there is a problem and thinks that there are trust issues at the heart of the problem and wants to have couples counselling (which her partner seems to be in favour of).

It sounds like an excellent next step to tackle the issue that is clearly on the table, rather than trying to find more and read things into situations which might not be there (the counselling is supposed to be tackling this very issue!!!)

People do sometimes get insecure when something significant changes / is changing in their lives. Its very understandable and very common. Yet this is hardly ever really put on the table as a realistic option by posters on MN.

There needs to be far more moderation in these types of posts.

Yes sometimes the worse situation is happening, but then its a step by step process to establish that otherwise the relationship wasn't worth shit in the first place to the poster - regardless of the actions of their OH.

MN has the potential to strengthen relationships as well as help vulnerable women escape dreadful situations. I wish that people could be more objective in their replies, rather than thinking the worst or automatically assuming its a mirror to their own worlds.

Bouttimeforwine Mon 18-Aug-14 10:39:54

I think that is a bit unfair Red. I assume my comment above is being included.

I am the first one to say talk to resove issues and communicate etc. However trust is the number one aspect of my relationship. I never check up on Dh. I trust him implicitly and if he ever did this it would really make me doubt my relationship.

The signs look good, however I would need to be 100% sure. Not to trip him up but just so that I could give 100% into moving on with the relationship.

Yes to the counselling but it is easy for her to check whether he is lying in this instance, and that gives a firm basis whether the relationship is worth saving or not.

Topaz25 Mon 18-Aug-14 11:34:34

Wedgiebum I never said my relationship was perfect or that I was shitting myself. It would really help if you would read my posts before responding. It's more a grey area of I love my husband but I was feeling a bit insecure and emotional. If you were really so understanding about my loss you would understand that. I think as you have continued to post here you have shown your true colours and people can see your intention is not to be sympathetic but to push your own agenda. I am sorry you are so insecure that if someone disagrees with you then you have to resort to personal attacks like calling them stupid. That must be a difficult way to live.

Topaz25 Mon 18-Aug-14 11:36:10

I think it says something that many people have posted all sorts of different opinions on here and yours is the only one I had any problem with, because I thought it was insensitive of you to imply I only disagree with you because I'm grieving and because your posts have got progressively more personal.

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