AIBU to think it's mean to leave a toddler hungry in the morning...

[ReputableBiscuit]

because you want a lie in? Friend's DD (2.5) wakes at 6.30 every day. Friend thinks this is too early so leaves him crying/roaming the flat until 8.15 when she is prepared to give him breakfast and change his nappy. When her DS was just two and her DD was newborn, she had been up doing feeds in the night so left her DS hungry until 10. When he cried, she yelled at him to 'eat a fucking banana'. She told us this by way of an 'amusing' anecdote . AIBU to think that little kids do wake early but tough, you have to get up to them?

[ReputableBiscuit]

Sorry, first post is meant to say DS (2.5). The DD is six months.

[TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals]

I imagine that anecdote went down well. 10am is a bit late, I'm not so judgmental about 8.15 for breakfast though but that's because DS has his at nursery at about that time. He's used to it though and doesn't want to eat as soon as he wakes up.

Does she leave him crying in the morning or just let him watch some tv or play? That's a bit of a difference.

DS is also 2.5 and he just comes and gets me saying 'come on, come ON!'

[TheBloodManCometh]

8.15 seems reasonable.
The rest is just nasty

[DaisyFlowerChain]

Of course she should get up and feed and change them, purely selfish not too. Leaving a toddler roaming with no supervision for so long is awful too.

Do you know who her HV is to see if she can have a word or if you are truly concerned call SS.

[WorraLiberty]

She sounds fucking awful

What about the kid's Dad?

[TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals]

SS?! That seems a bit extreme, OP says she lives in a flat. I expect she can hear what's going on and leaves the knife sets out of harms way.

[reup]

I think its really mean. I got up at 5.30- 6.30 am for years.

[ReputableBiscuit]

The dad leaves for work very early.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

We used to leave our dses a drink and a biscuit, to put them on, in the morning - and they would play or watch TV whilst dh and I got half an hour more in bed - but we weren't staying in bed until 10am, and we certainly didn't do it when the eldest was only 2.5.

[wrapsuperstar]

Mean. My DD1 is 2 and a half and a very early riser (after months of struggling we seem to have persuaded her to 'lie in' until just after six). Of course me or DH get up with her; she's two and can't fend for herself in a house that's been all switched off and packed up for the night. She certainly can't make her beloved morning porridge.

It isn't being a martyr or soft-hearted to get up and look after your very small children when they rise for the day. It's simply being a parent.

Her banana remarks and her seemingly not being bothered by him wandering around hungry and lonely are a bit alarming to me.

[Sootgremlin]

When our ds gets up at 6.30 we ask him to play quietly in his room until we're ready to get up, but we only leave him till 7 which is a reasonable time for anyone to get up. He's only managed this since he's turned 3.

If he's distressed or hungry before then one of us will get up like every other bugger on the planet with small children.

Your friend sounds unpleasant and selfish and borderline neglectful.

[DomesticSlobbess]

YANBU.

DS is 3 and a half. When he was a baby, DP or I would get up for the day when he woke up of course. Now he is a little older, he wakes up for the day at around 7.30-8. But lately with the summer months he has sometimes woken at 6. So we've taken him back to bed where he continues to sleep or we let him come in with us for a sleep until it's a reasonable hour.

I wouldn't dream of telling DS to go play in his room or letting him roam our flat so I could get some more sleep. If he was up and about and definitely not go

[DomesticSlobbess]

Oops. Definitely not going back to sleep, I would suck it up and get up and make myself a coffee. That's what happens when you have small children!

Breakfast at 8 is fine by me so I don't think that is UR. But your friend's "anecdote" is anything but funny and she sounds lazy.

[Jengnr]

My son gets up around that time and doesn't have breakfast until around 8 either. He does get a bottle and a nappy change though.

[Booboostoo]

Mean and worrying. I wouldn't do it to my pets much less my children.

[minipie]

YANBU. Wow. I actually think you have to tell her she's being neglectful (and if she doesn't change, report her). Poor lad.

[minipie]

It's not about the fact that breakfast is at 8.15 - that's totally normal especially if they have milk first.

It's about the nearly 2 hours he is roaming the flat alone and crying.

[BomChickaMeowMeow]

DD2 a few times got up and helped herself while we were all still asleep.

One time she came down about 6am and demolished several fairy cakes I'd made and I found her asleep on a dining room chair.

I don't think him waiting for breakfast will do him any harm whatsoever. It's swearing at him that would bother me.

[UriGeller]

How early does the dad leave for work? I'd suggest he sort the toddler out, change him and give him even just a piece of toast or a drink of milk, before he leaves. But otherwise she should get up off her lazy arse and look after her child.

[MrsHathaway]

I don't think 10am is acceptable - unless maybe they eat really late in the evening so the fasting interval isn't that long 8.15 is borderline for food but not for a full nappy and not to wander a flat alone.

Mine don't have breakfast until 8am but have never been great morning eaters. The baby will have had milk several times before sitting down to proper breakfast, though.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Firstly, unless you live with her, how do you know that this is actually happening regularly? Might she be ranting/venting in order to shock you?

Also, unless her H leaves at 3am or something, the best solution (particularly if the friend is doing night feeds and therefore knackered) would be for the H to give the DS a snack and a drink or at least leave him something beside his bed.

Could the problem be that the H is doing fuck all and so your friend is miserable and frustrated, rather than lazy and selfish?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Her other behaviour is bad, but 8 am is a reasonable breakfast time. Sometimes children don't want to eat that early, they are just up because they have woken and want to play, my ds 2.7 us like this, he is in a cot though so can't wonder, but if he wakes at 6-6:30am I give him a bottle of warm milk in his cot and he sometimes drifts back off for an hair or two. Or I put some toys and books in his cot and amuses himself for a bit

[Aeroflotgirl]

How often was the 10am breakfast, was it a one off after a particularly bad night. I am lucky as ds does nit feel hungry very early, just wakes and wants to play.

[Sootgremlin]

Whether it's a reasonable breakfast time or not for him depends on whether he is hungry before that. If he is crying for food and being ignored or sworn at, that is the real issue.

When my ds wakes up early I ask him whether he would be happy playing for a bit, tell him we are next door and to call if he needs us. We can hear him the whole time. I am up all night with a six month old too, but that is not his fault, I still manage to talk to him nicely.

'Crying and roaming the flat' alone is exactly the situation having responsible parents is supposed to stop happening.