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To think this is rude?

(42 Posts)
VitoCorleone Sat 09-Aug-14 14:00:13

I have recently made a new friend but there's something bugging me.

When we're standing chatting, sometimes my son will come over and interrupt, i will say "hang on a minute son, we're talking"

If one of her kids comes over and interrupts she will totally ignore whatever I'm saying (usually mid-sentence) and listen to whatever her child is saying, i often tell my son its rude to interrupt but this woman never does.

Is it me or is that actually quite rude? I hate being interrupted and the fact that this woman will just stop listening and start chatting to her child really annoys me.

Or am i being unreasonable? Should i be listening more to my child when they are talking instead of another adult?

17leftfeet Sat 09-Aug-14 14:01:43

If you are talking the child should wait

Thumbwitch Sat 09-Aug-14 14:01:50

No, she's not doing her children any favours by immediately diverting her attention away from you, the adult, towards them.
I do what you do - and I'd find her behaviour to me rude too.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara Sat 09-Aug-14 14:03:17

I agree with you and I try and teach DD that interrupting is rude.

This being said I know plenty of adults who have clearly never been taught this and I find it highly annoying!

VitoCorleone Sat 09-Aug-14 14:04:04

Its really pissing me off, like why do i even bother trying to have a conversation, don't think ive ever had a full conversation with her without her chatting to her kids

MintyChops Sat 09-Aug-14 14:06:05

I'd find it rude too, I have a friend who does this too and it gets right on my tits.

NinjaLeprechaun Sat 09-Aug-14 14:11:01

I agree with you, the child should wait.
If I'm talking to a child - mine or otherwise - and an adult tries to interrupt, I'll make them wait as well. Because that's only fair.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Sat 09-Aug-14 14:11:03

I agree - had several friends who used to do this when our children were young. I always shot the parent a quizzical look, but it invariably went unnoticed. Children need to learn to wait their turn to speak (unless in an emergency, situation, naturally)!!

Do you know the mother well enough to say to the child "Just a moment, [child], I'm speaking to Mummy. When I've finished you can have your turn. Difficult to admonish someone else's child. I've done it when I know the parent very well, but not always possible.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Sat 09-Aug-14 14:12:09

Also yes to Ninja's point

SweetsForMySweet Sat 09-Aug-14 14:16:10

How old are the children? I'm more understanding of younger children or if a child is doing something that may hurt them and need to be protected from hurting themselves or others. You are being a little unreasonable because sometimes it is easier to answer a child than to have them whining on looking for attention when you ignore them and carry on a conversation.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Sat 09-Aug-14 14:19:54

Well you don't ignore, Sweets, you explain clearly that it is not their turn to speak. If you give in to them each time, they will carry that on until adulthood. eg "Just a moment, darling, Mummy's speaking right now".

Emergency situation excepted, as outlined previously.

Captainbarnacles1101 Sat 09-Aug-14 14:23:10

Jeez I have a friend who does this. She will quite often interrupt me mid sentence to go wipe her daughters mouth/nose/hands. Then change the subject afterwards. Usually to something more pertinent to her life. I'm done with it. Her daughter is rude and spoilt though.

VitoCorleone Sat 09-Aug-14 14:24:49

I would not allow my child to interrupt adults, its just bad manners.

Our kids are 5 and 6, so young, but should be being taught manners.

WooWooOwl Sat 09-Aug-14 14:24:56

It's rude, and it creates spoilt and demanding children.

bringbackfonzi Sat 09-Aug-14 14:46:42

Oh dear, I do this. I bet it annoys my friends. I do it because I think if I give the dc a quick answer, they will be pacified and go away and let me finish talking. It's doubtless a short-term strategy, but if I keep ignoring them they get louder and more insistent. And sometimes they need stuff, or they need a wee, or someone has hit them or something important. Also I am a chatterbox, I love talking to my friends, so if I didn't address the dc in the middle they would go ignored for quite a while!

RoaringTiger Sat 09-Aug-14 14:55:56

I do this, although not out of choice so much. My dd had asd and when she comes to me she will stand there repeating whatever it is she is asking until I answer her-9/10 she doesn't actually need me to listen as such, just more so the acknowledgement so her thought trail can move on. I would hope my friends understand but now think they are probably quietly annoyed when it happens. She's 6 :/

Thumbwitch Sat 09-Aug-14 14:57:42

No you shouldn't ignore your child either, that's not right - just say briefly "Mummy's talking, unless it's very urgent, you need to wait your turn".

NinjaLeprechaun Sat 09-Aug-14 15:02:39

My friend would ask her kids 'is it bleeding? or on fire?' If the answer was no, they could wait. Which seems reasonable.

I wouldn't make them wait through an entire conversation to ask a quick question, but certainly long enough to finish a sentence or a thought.

freyaW2014 Sat 09-Aug-14 15:03:45

I think this really depends, are you taking a lot of her time up? Are you both ignoring the children for too long? I agree that children should be taught not to interrupt but I've had adults interupt my DD loads of times and it can be frustrating if the adult thinks a child's voice is less important. So no children shouldn't interupt but parents need to remember the child waiting an address them ASAP as soon as possible and other adults should not interupt children.

MiscellaneousAssortment Sat 09-Aug-14 15:04:43

Its easy to fall into doing this as when dc are little you do prioritise them above whatever else you're doing, sp get used to the constant interruptions.

My Ds is 4 and I've started to do the 'grown ups talking darling, you have to wait' or 'mummy's talking' etc.

I also say whether I'll be two minutes and that he should wait, or I suggest an activity that he gets on with.

I do find I have to listen to what he wants first though, as it still quite frequently something that needs immediate attention (wees etc). So I do a kind of quick screening before either dealing with it or not. That way he gets to learn what's allowable and what's not. Hopefully friends dont see that as an annoying interruption, as he's still quite little and new to these social norms.

EElisavetaofBelsornia Sat 09-Aug-14 15:05:12

I think I could be your friend sad I used to get distressed by my sister yelling "DS, shut up!" at DN so I used to stop and answer him. I have definitely carried this over to my DCs. I didn't know it irritated so many people though, I may try harder with the "Let me finish, please".

MrsWinnibago Sat 09-Aug-14 15:09:23

It drives me MAD OP you're not alone. Of course if the children are small enough to need helping to the loo then that's fine...or in the case of someone being injured...but generally it's important that children learn to wait and then say "Excuse me but..." when they see an appropriate space in conversation.

We've practised this at home so my DC learn the basic social skill that is turn taking in conversation as well as not interrupting others.

Pastperfect Sat 09-Aug-14 15:12:06

5&6 is still quite young and whilst children should be told not to interrupt sometimes it's just easier to let them speak rather than repeat 20 times "please don't interrupt" when they are desperate to tell you something.

I wouldn't object to a friend responding like that

VitoCorleone Sat 09-Aug-14 15:28:33

But i always tell my son to 'hang on a sec' and nothing bad has ever happened because he's had to wait.

If it was stuff that was important id understand but usually we're chatting and her son will appear with "mummy yesterday at school we made a fish tank picture" and then she'll start a conversation with him while im stood there thinking "huh? I wasn't even finished what i was saying" confused

And its every time i see her, all her kids do it.

VitoCorleone Sat 09-Aug-14 15:33:26

It usually goes like this..

Me and friend are chatting

Me: yeah so i went over there and....

Her DS: mummy, when we go to the shop can i get some crisps

Her: yes, have you tidied your room first? Make sure you have your pocket money blah blah blah

Then she'll turn to me and be like "oh i promised him some pocket money and blah blah blah"

First conversation forgot about completely.

I just think its rude.

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