To think that getting your child to phone and invite themselves to a party is wrong

[Sibble]

Ds2 is having his birthday party tomorrow (turning 10). We're having it at home and have hired a laser skirmish party. There was a limit (due to cost and not wanting masses of boys running wild at home) to the number of friends that he could invite. In total he could choose 9. Including him that makes 10. Last night a boy he was friends with last year but is in a different class and he hasn't talked about much this year phones me and urged on by his mother in the background asks can he come to dss party. He's very surprised he hasn't been invited as they are very good friends. He then proceeds to tell me he knows about the party as he has heard about it from another boy who is going. He's doing a sleepover at the other boys house tonight and he can come with him.

I was so taken aback I said he could come. Now I'm angry with myself (but how do you say no to a child) and furious with the mother for not only letting him phone but positively encouraging him in the background 'just ask if you can go and why you havn't been invited'.

Am I being unreasonable or is this just plain rude. Also not sure what I am going to say when he's picked up tomorrow because I am so angry, I think it will be written all over my face.

[Happyringo]

YANBU. The mother should know better!

[SapphireMoon]

YANBU but for the boys sake I think you are going to have to maintain a neutral face and bite your tongue.
Good luck!

[Lumineer]

I don't think there's anything wrong with looking angry at the mother tomorrow. She deserves it.

[skinoncustard]

In hindsight , Ask to speak to the mother - say 'no that's not possible' and I don't appreciate being put in this position!
In reality- I would have done exactly the same as you ! Then seethed about it .
Some peoples cheek never ceases to amaze me !

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

The kid will grow up to be like my friend, who frequently invites her self to things, she tried to invite herself to my DD's birthday treat, but I said no, I wanted to spend time with her by myself.

Apparently friend was very huffy.

Its very rude to invite yourself to anything and the mum is just something else.

[Lally112]

I'd have just said no, Ask my children - this is possibly the most commonly used word in my house. Then I would have let his mother deal with the aftermath of your saying no - like a parent should.

[Secretblackandmidnighthag]

Poor kid, I'm glad you said yes. His mother needs to wind her neck in!

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

You should have a word with the mum afterwards and let her know how bloody rude she's been.

I like to think that I would have said no to the boy on the phone but easier said than done.

The neck of some people!

[LiberalLibertines]

yes, I'd say something to her at pick up.

Poor kid will have been told this is a normal and acceptable thing to do.

[angelohsodelight]

Is call the mum and say actually he can't come. Let her deal with it.

[combust22]

"I'd have just said no, Ask my children - this is possibly the most commonly used word in my house."

that is sad that no is the most commonly used word in your house. Do you have to repeat yourself a lot or do your children constantly bombard you with unreasonable requests?

I do say not but don't need to say it very often.

[tobysmum77]

haha

just bizarre, but it takes all sorts. I would suck it up tbh and get on with life.

[Flangeshrub]

Cheeky cow! I would have said yes on the phone but followed up with a rejection later - people need lessons in life - your turn to deliver one!

[WilburIsSomePig]

Poor kid, he'll grow up thinking this is OK and will get a rep as a pain in the arse. It's not his fault and I would have said yes too even though I wouldn't have wanted to! I had similar the other day and a child asked me in front of his mum if he could come to an event with us then heard his mum say 'see I told you it would be fine if you just asked'.

[Tyranasaurus]

Can you charge the mum the cost of adding an extra kid? Kind of 'Hi Pushymum, just wanted to let you know now so that you can bring some cash with you, it will be £X to add Pushykid the the party. ' If she starts spluttering about the cost you leap in with 'Oh, right, well if he's not that bothered about it...'

[grobagsforever]

shocking - what universe do these people live in. Are you going to say anything or just be British?

[DownByTheRiverside]

It was rude, but you should have told him no.

[Panzee]

Poor kid, he probably misses his mates from last year. A bit ham fisted but maybe with the best of intentions. Hope it all goes well.

[hmc]

I'd be cross with the mum and would say something.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

So wrong, I think I'd have to say something to the mum.

[vvviola]

I usually have the opposite problem (DD randomly inviting people to parties who hadn't previously been on the invite list & me having to scramble to include them).

I'd be tempted to call the Mum back and say sorry, you hadn't wanted to upset him on the phone but that you can't include him (had you had to give final numbers for the laser tag already?) If she's brazen enough to get him to call, I'd take that as permission to be direct in response.

(I have found that there is a fondness for "directness" here in NZ that as an outsider I find a little disconcerting sometimes and don't quite know how to handle, so I can't guarantee I'd actually follow my own advice!)

[McBear]

Possibly he's felt really sad and left out all year if he was moved to a separate class and has been missing out on fun with his friends. Poor thing.

Perhaps he wouldn't shut up about it and she knew it was out of order to make the call so got him to do it.

We often see posts about x amount being invited and one or two being left out. Perhaps from their perspective, that's what this looks like.

[Branleuse]

its cheeky but if theyre good friends its a bit weird to not invite.
if funds are so tight, you dont have those sort of parties normally.

[diddl]

Must be tempting to phone the mum & make her tell him no.

Don't know how I would have handled it tbh.

Hopefully would have been no, but if he asked why not I probably would have blurted out because he wasn't wanted there