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That this child said " no black people allowed"

(70 Posts)
Bongobaby Fri 01-Aug-14 10:46:12

Ds was playing out with the neighbours kids and they were ganging up on ds. Anyway I thought ds could handle the situation but I stood at the window just incase things got out of hand. Ds moved over to our front garden but the others moved to their front garden and ds wanted to join in to which the little girl turned to ds and said " no not you, no black people allowed".
At this point I went out to her and said " do not speak to him like that, apologise". She did. But aibu to think that there was no need for her to have said it in the first place and that I made her apologise?

FrankSaysNo Fri 01-Aug-14 10:47:03

Interesting ID

pinkie1982 Fri 01-Aug-14 10:47:18

No need at all. What are her parents like? Might be worth having a word. On the other hand be wary - that may be where she got it from.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 01-Aug-14 10:47:32

How old is she?

ginslinger Fri 01-Aug-14 10:49:31

how old are the children? If they're small then there needs to be some discussion and explanation about differences

softlysoftly Fri 01-Aug-14 10:50:30

Yes how old? Shows whether it's learnt behavior or not.

ArsenicFaceCream Fri 01-Aug-14 10:51:46

It's not a new NN Frank. It has raised eyebrows before, I think.

Bongobaby Fri 01-Aug-14 10:52:59

Having a word with her parents would be a waste of time as their other child a ds has previously been picked on by some children for his weight. His mothers response was to find these children and say to them " he might be fat, but you'll always be a p@@i. The girl is eight years old. Now ds doesn't want to play outside but why should he feel that way.

Bongobaby Fri 01-Aug-14 10:54:39

NN is from an old 90's song I loved to dance to and has no meaning to it other than that.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 01-Aug-14 10:55:10

You were right to tell that little girl off, that is unacceptable. Unfortunately there are still some people in society with such attitudes.

WorraLiberty Fri 01-Aug-14 10:56:44

Why would you want him to play outside with kids like that?

I take it none of the other kids stuck up for him?

ArsenicFaceCream Fri 01-Aug-14 10:57:01

The mother sounds charming too. Are you sure this family aren't best avoided?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 01-Aug-14 11:01:22

YANBU. At 8 its fine to tell her off and ideally.explain why what she said was wrong. In case she hadnt learned at home.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 01-Aug-14 11:02:14

Which it doesn't seem like she has.

It's her parents fault but best for her that she learns now. .

Applelicious Fri 01-Aug-14 11:07:50

It's good for the child to learn it's unacceptable now. Clearly she won't learn from her parents.

Castlemilk Fri 01-Aug-14 11:11:01

I think - if you have the information - I'd take it to the school where the girl goes.

If she's being fed these attitudes by her parents, you'd be doing her a favour to try and raise it with someone who can try and counter it... before she a. says something similar at school and gets suspended, or b. worse, grows up with this attitude entrenched.

HeySoulSister Fri 01-Aug-14 11:11:20

You should have explained more to the child whilst you had her attention

Not just say don't say that and 'apologise'

ginslinger Fri 01-Aug-14 11:17:30

I agree with soulsister - explain and discuss

ginslinger Fri 01-Aug-14 11:18:38

But I'm sorry that your DS had that experience and it's easy for me to say explain and discuss as an onlooker

Middleagedmotheroftwo Fri 01-Aug-14 11:22:55

I assume DS is black, and it's not that he has black hair or something? Either way it's not an acceptable remark though.

I would talk to the parents, but I would also give the child the benefit of the doubt about it being a racist remark, unless it happens again, or unless you know that it's something picked up from the parents and really is a skin colour thing. Kids can be horrible to each other, and will pick on other kids for all kinds of spurious reasons - "no 1D t-shirts allowed" etc.

Whatever the reason, the behaviour is out of order though (again on the assumption that your DS wasn't being really annoying to the other kids.)

Talk to the parents. Or drop a note through the letter box if you think they'll be trouble.

lottieandmia Fri 01-Aug-14 11:25:30

God, how awful. I just can't understand why people behave this way. And it probably does come from the parents. For my kids, skin colour is simply not an issue. They don't notice it. And if I ever heard them say such a thing I would be thoroughly ashamed.

Fairenuff Fri 01-Aug-14 11:30:34

8 is old enough to understand that this is not acceptable.

However, she might not realise that if she was older, she could get into serious trouble using that kind of language. The child needs to be educated. Any chance you could encourage the friendship, spend more time with her, let her see that people are people, etc.

DownByTheRiverside Fri 01-Aug-14 11:40:56

If she'd said it at school, it would have been recorded as a racist incident and her parents would have been called in to discuss the situation and to underline the serious unacceptability of that sort of language.
So yes, I wouldn't have let it go.

AnotherStitchInTime Fri 01-Aug-14 12:41:02

I have had this happen from a slightly younger child to my dd1 ( who luckily was too young to understand). I spoke to the parents who were mortified. In this situation I would have taken the opportunity to educate the child directly, they are old enough to understand. If you know the school she attends I would contact them so they can address it as a class issue in circle time. I would stop my child playing with children who can make such comments, and find some other friends for them to play with. I will not sacrifice their self esteem in an attempt to educate them especially as the parents are racist. I wouldn't want to risk the parents racially abusing my child.

sezamcgregor Fri 01-Aug-14 12:51:36

Now has this in my head! wink

I'd be mortified if DS said that to someone but I'd be surprised if it was meant in a racist manner and would expect that she said it rather than just saying "not you" - which would be upsetting to your DS too.

I'd have to speak to the parents. If we had non-white neighbours and they'd told DS "no white skins" allowed, I'd need the parents to make sure their children knew it is unacceptable.

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