to change my sons school?(32 Posts)
I feel like a really horrible mum but i think i might need to change my 10 year old sons school for the best.
A bit of back story we moved about 15 minutes in by car to a new area in our town towards the end of last year, we initially wanted to settle our children at the catchment area school ( its a really good one) and our daughter was starting nursery so we wanted her to start there too.
Only my son was so upset that we ended up letting him stay at his old school and put my daughter in the old school nursery too.
My son who is quite introverted has taken to constantly staying in his room, he has no friends in our new area and i blame this on not being able to meet any new friends via school.
i decided the other day enough was enough and hard choices need to be made and it will benefit him in the long run if he meets friends nearby and we stop living our life in our old area. It also means i would need to drive to do 3 pickups a day and we could walk and have a much nicer standard of living.
So am i being unreasonable to pluck a 10 year old out of everything that is familiar to him or do you agree with me that hard things need to be done sometimes? what would you do?
sorry i wouldn't need to drive rather than would.
I'd leave him where he is and put him in a local secondary
At 10 I would leave him. I think it would be quite disruptive to move him in year 6. However I would make him go to your local secondary next year even if none of his friends go there. In the meantime can he not join local clubs to meet people who live nearer to him, scouts, judo, football etc?
Is he going into Year 6? If so I'd say leave him then for Year 7 go to a secondary school nearer to you. During these holidays he could make some new friends in your area and also he could start an extracurricular activity in your area too.
Speak to him about why he is withdrawn. There could be something else going on that changing school won't solve.
its scotland so still 2 years of primary school left, next year my daughter will start primary school and obviously go to the catchement school which would result in 2 kids at different schools for a year, He already goes to clubs etc but they are back where we used to live, thus none of the boys live near us.
hes a lovely boy, He does computer programming and is very smart but just very shy and only makes friends if they share the exact same interests. He doesn't even see any of the boys from school outside of school , in our old street he had his own friends but we've left them behind now by moving.
i suppose i just feel we are doing all this running around so he can play at playtime with a few acquaintances that he doesn't bother with outside of school.
I'd leave him till secondary as well.
Can't he still see his friends from his old school - 15 minutes is really not that far?
How about joining local clubs: sports/scouts etc to get to know local children?
I had DD1 in a school 5 miles from our home for family reasons (same school as cousins/ gps offered some childcare) but knew we couldn't get her to the high school in that catchment. So when she was a year off going to secondary school we found several activities for her to do closer to home (Guides, other clubs etc). Although she didn't see those children outside of the clubs, when she walked into her new high school on her first day, she found she knew lots of people to say hello to.
Four years later she's friends with lots of different people from school (only 2 of whom live locally to us, but that's what you get with a big rural high school serving about 8 widely spread out villages.)
OTOH we decided to move DD2 part way through a school year (complicated reasons) when she was desperate to stay at her old school. She is now at our local primary, 5 minutes walk from home, has lots of friends and is much happier.
Two years is a long time in primary. I'd seriously consider a move.
For one year, I wouldn't move him, esp Year 6 if in England as this is a stressful year.
If it is two years though, with a different system, I would move him now, especially as the benefit in terms of having these old friends doesn't seem to be paying off, he's not seeing them out of school anyway.
I would be thinking where can he go which will best help him find friends in the shorter term and then settle into secondary in the longer term.
I'd move him. We changed schools for P7 (though the opposite scenario and DS is now at a school miles away from where we live) and DS jumped right in and made loads of friends. It wasn't disruptive at all even though it was for the last year of primary school- you're in an even better position if he's going into P6. It can help so much to have local friends!
Meant to say a move now will probably help him transfer to secondary if he joins a school with children that he'll be moving up with in 2 years time. Easier to move younger than older.
Exactly Taz he's a fairly popular boy in school but just doesn't have very close friends, its not really a good pay off I'm spending 90 minutes driving each day on school runs as have to pick daughter up at lunch time at nursery. I also have a 1 year old and work full time as a nurse, we are all so worn out with this arrangement.
I talked to him about it and he's upset but understood by reasoning, he likes very much to be in his comfort zone and doesn't like anything new, so i kind of can't leave it to him to make the decision.
What is the new school like? We have had many children join our school in year 6 and without exception it has worked well for them. I should say that ours is a very small, welcoming village school. These children then move onto local comprehensive schools having made some really nice friends.
I think it is much easier to make new friends at primary than to start at a secondary school knowing no one.
Exactly Taz he's a fairly popular boy in school but just doesn't have very close friends
That describes DS as well. He tends to have loads of sort of boys he's very friendly with and he seems to need to know a lot of people, but there's not really any that I would describe as "best friends" the way DD has best friends. He has a number of local friends from his old school and he spends his weekends and holidays running from one house to another seeing who is about. If he'd only had his friends from his new school and none in our local area, I think he would have been very lonely.
On the academic side , he had absolutely no problem switching schools at P7. At the start of the year he did sometimes say he missed his old school, but that stopped by Christmas.
Thanks Taz I think I'm going to make the move the new school is a well sought after school and we are lucky to be in the catchment area.
I think it's fine to move in year 6. I've seen it a few times and DC adjust. He will be flavour of the month for a while and that might give him chance to make new mates.
Could he go by bus? That way he gets to stay at the school and you don't need to do as much driving.
Does it matter that he doesn't have new friends if he is happy?
Scotland here too. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and for a year still transported their 9 year old to and from the other side of town to primary school but they were told they wouldn't get their little one into his primary.
After a year they moved him to the local school (my Dc went there, it's absolutely fine) and they have no regrets at all. He knows all the children in the area now and will move seamlessly with them to High School. I think you're doing the right thing.
Just an update , we changed school in August at the start of primary 6 and my son settled in right away, he has met loads of friends, including some local boys and is thriving and happier than ever, just thought id update and thanks for all the good advice.
Do what you think is best.
You know deep down. It's simple as that. I left school at the age of 9 and got moved, best thing my parents ever did.
I'm now 30 and still best friends with 5 of the girls from my primary school.
He might not like it to begin with but I garauntree he will make new friends.
I'd move him for p7, then he can meet the kids he'll be going up to high school with.
My mum hauled me out of my school at the end of 2nd year and I started a new one for 3rd year in time for my standard grades. At the time she was all the names under the sun for taking me away from my "friends". It took me about a week to come bounding in the house, best move I ever made.
I was horrendously bullied at my first high school and couldn't see it at all until I was in a less toxic environment!
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