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To be a bit miffed at this...long sorry (mother related)

(8 Posts)
Missda Wed 30-Jul-14 15:34:31

There has for many years now been long standing issues with my Mum and my brother and SIL. Whilst I won't go into that on here I do feel for Mum although Mum can be a pain and judgmental towards me she really isn't like that with them. She loves her Grandchildren dearly and will do anything for them, as will Dad. I know she finds the fact that she doesn't see them all that often very hurtful. I understand why she feels like this.
However Mum has got a bee in her bonnet about some of the things that my brother and SIL do which she feels is targeted at her. ( With some justification.)
However - 12 months ago my SILs Mum was diagnosed with cancer. She is incredibly ill at the moment and the prognosis is bleak.
Obviously SIL is going and spending time with her Mum and Dad. (They live over 3 hours away.) So my Mum and Dad have always offered to look after the children as and when required.

Yesterday my SIL text me asking would I go up for a few days to be with the kids in the day whilst she is at her Mums and my bro is at work. SIL also said that because my parents are seeing the kids next week and due to the fact that I haven't seen the kids in ages (not since April) she wanted to ask me. I obviously said yes and I am looking forward. I work in a school so am currently on holiday.
Anyway I told my Mum that I was going up there to them and she hit the roof! She is currently hardly speaking to me. She then more or less told my Dad that I was conspiring against her and siding with SIL.

AIBU to think that this is really not my fault and I shouldn't have to put up with this crap?

amyhamster Wed 30-Jul-14 15:39:30

Ignore her
She's being spiteful & ridiculous

ohfourfoxache Wed 30-Jul-14 15:42:09

She sounds a bit batshit

As Amyhamster says, ignore her

MaryWestmacott Wed 30-Jul-14 15:47:01

I think you should hit the roof back - sounds like she needs it.

her DIL is probably dying and your mum is making it all about her and her angst about how much she gets to see her DGC, not how her DGC might feel with their mum dying? She can't see it as a possibly that her DIL is trying very hard to make sure her children are close to as many extended family members, including you, her DH's sister - so that when the time comes, they have lots of people to turn to? That maybe, maybe not everything should be focussed on her. That you might want to spend some time with your DNs.

If things are going to get worse in the short term, you need to snap at her - get that riot act read, if her son is going to go through the trauma of losing his wife and trying to support his children losing their mother, then he is going to need his family to be supportive or not around at all, not being petty and selfish. If she makes herself another problem he and SIL has to deal with, you know she's going to be the problem they deal with by cutting it out.

Get her told, while she's still got time to improve.

teeththief Wed 30-Jul-14 15:49:48

mary It's the DIL's mum who is ill not the DIL!


MarchEliza Wed 30-Jul-14 15:51:06

I don't really understand why she's cross? Is she cross because she thinks that you are 'stealing' some of the time that she feels she should have looking after the GC while SIL is looking after her ill mother?

If that's the case I think your mother is BVU as your SIL has much more important things to consider at the moment.

Sorry if I've got this completely wrong though...

Missda Wed 30-Jul-14 15:51:17

Mary sorry its my SILs Mum who is very ill not my SIL.

Groovee Wed 30-Jul-14 15:55:40

She sounds like my friend's mum who takes offence at most things her son and DIL do without her.

It's hard but ignore her and enjoy your family time x

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