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What would you expect your DH to do?

(312 Posts)
notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 16:55:24

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the f***ing car otherwise i f***ing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

HopefulHamster Wed 30-Jul-14 14:41:35

Dickhead needs to apologise to you personally before he comes anywhere near your house again.

Chippednailvarnish Wed 30-Jul-14 14:39:36

I think your DH needs to man up, tell his friend to apologize to you properly and then see if you can be bothered to be hospitable to him.

allisgood1 Wed 30-Jul-14 13:54:16

I think you're about as hormonal as me (34 weeks) smile in which case you perfectly rightly lost your temper with this twat friend of your DH's. smile

On the other hand you went a bit OTT and to be honest you've been a little OTT throughout this thread too. It could have been handled differently (without pregnancy hormones) but what's done is done. Don't fall out with your DH over something this trivial.

writtenguarantee Wed 30-Jul-14 13:45:57

This is the thing, my DH was just like 'He was drunk' and shrugged his shoulders. Yes, but him hitting the back of a drivers seat, in the middle of the night, when i was nervously trying to get us all home could have resulted in an accident!

I don't think you overreacted. Your DH asked once (1 time too many in my opinion), and he didn't stop. What he did was distracting and dangerous, and totally immature. Yeah, he was drunk, but that seems to be a blanket excuse for everything nowadays. I like to have a few drinks sometimes as well like the next person, but you still have to watch your actions.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Wed 30-Jul-14 13:28:05

Ah, fair enough. DH should do the beds though!

MarmaladeShatkins Wed 30-Jul-14 13:18:22

Arf, OnlyLovers! You can't resist a woman who calls a wazzock! wink

notkatemiddleton Wed 30-Jul-14 13:11:16

I can't have them over and they not stay really, they live in Leicester and we live in Dorset so the agreement was for them to come and stay on their way for a family holiday. We stayed with them a couple of months ago so its kind of a return for the favour.

I will probably just uninvite the dick head or tell DH to.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Wed 30-Jul-14 13:03:41

...unless you'd rather not have people over at all at this stage of PG, which is fine.

LineRunner Wed 30-Jul-14 13:03:22

Absolutely uninvite the wazzock.

No staying over for anyone.

DH does all the preparation and clearing up.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Wed 30-Jul-14 13:03:04

"I think I am going to cancel the BBQ, my SPD is flaring up again anyway and not sure i can cope with all the bed making and tidying that comes with getting our house ready."

Why would you be doing this work rather than DH?

But agree - invite people over but don't have anyone to stay.

OnlyLovers Wed 30-Jul-14 12:59:14

Marmalade, you're talking a LOT of sense.

And I'm not just saying that because I love you for the wazzock thing. grin

LightastheBreeze Wed 30-Jul-14 12:35:52

Maybe if the children are all coming, have the barbecue but don't invite anyone to stay over, which should give you much less work - and un-invite the twattish friend.

I said heavily pregnant because you said in a few weeks time smile

MarmaladeShatkins Wed 30-Jul-14 12:33:54

Don't cancel it!

Tell your DH that donkey work is out for you so he needs to man the fuck up and take care of shit.

Before he ponders on how he will manage the terrific task of entertaining a few friends with cooked meat, he can ring tosspot and tell him that it's not a good idea for him to come, since he offered his pregnant wife out a few nights ago and he was wrong to invite him.

Why should you miss out on a nice afternoon with actual friends?

ChasedByBees Wed 30-Jul-14 12:31:14

Wait, he tried to pick a fight with you - a heavily pregnant woman - in addition to all the chair thumping and putting everyone's lives at risk. No fucking way should he be there!

I would go ahead with the BBQ (your DH can do the work as you have SPD and uninvite the pillock. I'd be tempted to phone and uninvite him myself. that would cause massive ructions and may be controlling yes, but I would anyway

notkatemiddleton Wed 30-Jul-14 12:25:27

I know (don't remind me about the pregnancy thing- its really strange being called 'heavily pregnant' even though i am!).

The other friends coming are mutual friends and they are bringing their children. I will feel slightly guilty about cancelling it as they have given us some lovely things for the baby and they will miss out because of him.

LightastheBreeze Wed 30-Jul-14 12:12:58

The thing is in a few weeks you are going to be very heavily pregnant and it will be a lot of work for you whilst all around you are getting drunk if your evening out was anything to go by. It could be a repeat performance without the car bit.

You will end up having all the work and no fun.

notkatemiddleton Wed 30-Jul-14 12:02:14

I think I am going to cancel the BBQ, my SPD is flaring up again anyway and not sure i can cope with all the bed making and tidying that comes with getting our house ready.

MomOfTwoGirls2 Wed 30-Jul-14 11:57:34

OP, I don't think you were unreasonable. Re the driving incident, I don't think your DH was unreasonable.

Re the BBQ invite, I would insist that your DH resind the invite. And I think your DH was a total ass to invite him. And if your DH hasn't the balls to that, I'd cancel the BBQ.

I would have serious words with DH about the lack of respect he has showed you in inviting this dickhead to your home.

MarmaladeShatkins Wed 30-Jul-14 11:53:56


notkatemiddleton Wed 30-Jul-14 11:51:38

I know, I am in disbelief at his wazzock-ness.

I have told my DH as much and I will retell him when he gets home from work tonight.

OnlyLovers Wed 30-Jul-14 11:49:42

Round of applause for use of 'wazzock', Marmalade. grin

MarmaladeShatkins Wed 30-Jul-14 11:46:46

Your DH is a wazzock. His friend is an even bigger one if he thinks he can waltz up to your house and eat your food without a massive apology.

LightastheBreeze Wed 30-Jul-14 11:41:53

Just tell you're DH you don't want him there, and make it very clear that you mean what you are saying

OnlyLovers Wed 30-Jul-14 11:40:59

Is your DH an idiot?

If this was me, this 'friend' would not be welcome in my home again, at least not when I was there.

Nomama Wed 30-Jul-14 11:36:14

You have told DH to uninvite him, haven't you?... reasons - you are still fucking furious with the pillock who hasn't even had the courtesy to apologise to you for his gross stupidity.

Until he is officially persona non grata or has made restitution to you there is no BBQ... not as far as you are concerned. Your DH can invite whomever he likes, but if that one person is in attendance you will be [add you preferred relaxing retreat/activity here].

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