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What would you expect your DH to do?

(312 Posts)
notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 16:55:24

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the f***ing car otherwise i f***ing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

Coconutty Mon 28-Jul-14 17:11:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GobblersKnob Mon 28-Jul-14 17:11:20

I wouldn't have expected dh to do anything, I would have dealt with itself, I'd have asked him to stop and then just ignored him as I would a child doing the same.

Its a bit irritating but really shouldn't be enough to make you nearly go through a red light?

steff13 Mon 28-Jul-14 17:13:01

Are you a nervous driver already?

This^^ Someone hitting the back of my seat wouldn't have bothered me. My reaction would have been along the lines of "ha ha, very funny," the first time, and ignore the subsequent time. I drive three kids around; if I got distracted by every bump and yell I don't know what I'd do.

If it was bothering you, he should have stopped, but yelling and swearing was an over the top reaction, I think.

LilyandGinger Mon 28-Jul-14 17:13:50

I would have calmly pulled over and stopped the car. I would have made it quite clear that the next time it happened he would be continuing the rest if the journey in foot. I would have expected my DH to support me in that.

I wouldn't have screamed or sworn, it so rarely gets the right reaction (as shown in your case).

Going to bed sobbing seems to be an overreaction but I'll give you a pass as your hormones will be all over the place.

You probably would have got an apology were it not for the screaming and swearing.

Slightly concerned you wanted your DH to be more 'brutal' - what were you wanting him to do?

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Mon 28-Jul-14 17:14:23

I would have pulled over and told him to get the fuck out of the car.

He was being an arse hole and fuckng dangerous with it.

Leave it with your dh sorting it, you have bigger fish to fry with the new baby!

Congratulations !!

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:14:32

Numanoid- I don't think i 'threatened to hit him'. He asked me to (oddly) and I said "Just get put of the car, get out". He responded 'Hit me then, I said, get out before i do". There was no way I was gritting my teeth or squaring up to him.

Coconutty- No he didn't. NH and his best mate told the friend he'd been a twat because what he did could have caused an accident.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Mon 28-Jul-14 17:14:35

What a loser.

Are you really that nervous a driver? Wow.

magpiegin Mon 28-Jul-14 17:16:46

I agree that he was being a drunken twat, but your reaction was really over the top. He probably (mistakenly) thought he was being funny.

If you're upset then you contact him and ask for an apology, why does your husband have to do this on your behalf?

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:17:55

I really don't get the reactions of people on here.

He nearly contributed to what would have been quite a serious accident, could have injured and/or killed 6 people. I think using a four letter word and getting upset was reasonable! I'd been trying to do them all a favour and thats what he did!

i asked him once and then he did it again!!!

LilyandGinger Mon 28-Jul-14 17:18:07

I've just seen he was teasing you about not drinking.

Oh my.

I'm not sure there is hope if anyone quite that idiotic - just calmly refuse to ever give him a lift again.

RiverTam Mon 28-Jul-14 17:18:30

well, hang on, you've gone from 'screaming' and 'shouting' (in your OP) to 'saying'. Not really the same, changes entirely what went on.

TBH, lesson learnt - don't be the designated driver to more than one drunk person at a time!

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:19:20

Yeah hearts, I really don't like being punched in the back of a headrest, at 1am in the morning, twice, by a drunk person when Im driving 6 people around.

Staryyeyedsurprise Mon 28-Jul-14 17:20:01


Coconutty- No he didn't. NH and his best mate told the friend he'd been a twat because what he did could have caused an accident

Well what else are you expecting him to do then? He's told the man he was a twat.

MrsJossNaylor Mon 28-Jul-14 17:20:02

YABU. Screaming, swearing and going to bed sobbing because somebody drunkenly hit your chair twice?
You need to calm down.

That said, when I was 30 weeks pregnant I once got scared driving up a remote country hill at night, in the dark. I'm not usually a nervous driver, perhaps it was the hormones.

I wouldn't have screamed and sworn at a friend of my DHs though. I bet your husband was very embarrassed.

fairylightsintheloft Mon 28-Jul-14 17:20:21

I think you overreacted but to be honest I'm more concerned about how relatively little has to happen for you to be distracted to the point of nearly running a red light. How are you going to cope when you have one or more small people in the car screaming and yelling that one hit the other or stole their biscuit or whatever, or throws their teddy over the top of your chair? I agree the guy was being a twat but I'm afraid I agree with your DH that he was drunk, being an idiot and has now gone. By all means refuse to give him a lift again.

MaidOfStars Mon 28-Jul-14 17:20:31

Headrest or seat? Screaming or saying?

Nicknacky Mon 28-Jul-14 17:20:40

Now you are over reacting. He nearly killed or seriously injured 6 people? Were the other passengers as alarmed as you were if it was that bad?

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Mon 28-Jul-14 17:21:08

Your friend sounds like a rude idiot before he even got in the car - mocking the person who is doing him a favour and saving him £50?

If your DH told him he'd been a twat and he realised it and apologised, I don't know what else DH could have done. When friend did it once and you told him not to, neither you or DH knew he would do it again - presumably after the second time, he stopped. Also, how could friend have apologised to you as you were in bed? He may apologise directly when he next sees you.

It would have freaked me out too - your instinct of "shit, I hit something in the dark" would kick in before your "oh, it's that twat in the back" thought.

LilyandGinger Mon 28-Jul-14 17:21:23

The point is notkate your reaction also nearly contributed to an accident.

You allowed yourself to get so angry you weren't in control of the car. As driver you really need to keep calm in these situations.

Screaming and swearing didn't help the situation it just wound you up further.

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:21:51

Yup, I am NEVER being a designated driver again!!!!

Looking back, i don't think I was screaming as i was too upset. I probably raised my voice. I can't remember that much, I was so upset!

Nicknacky Mon 28-Jul-14 17:23:29

Actually if his conduct was having such a detrimental impact on your driving then it was irresponsible of you to continue driving. You are the driver and in control of that vehicle and if you can't do it safely you need to stop and do whatever you need to do to be able to continue driving safely. And if that meant chucking him out then that's what you needed to do.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Mon 28-Jul-14 17:24:33

To be fair re the swearing, if OP screamed get out of the car and his response to that, to a pregnant woman, was that she should hit him - that's pretty odd on his part, like a refusal to get out unless she hit him.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Mon 28-Jul-14 17:24:47

Eeer he could have caused an accident ....

Staryyeyedsurprise Mon 28-Jul-14 17:25:19


He nearly contributed to what would have been quite a serious accident, could have injured and/or killed 6 people.

I'm going to leave this thread now as you're 30 weeks pg and don't need the likes of me piling in with YABU YABU. But, nothing actually happened. You nearly ran a red light. You didn't screech, skid or flip the car. Yet you've shouted, sobbed and swore. In the nicest possible way, calm down.

burgatroyd Mon 28-Jul-14 17:25:51

He sounds like an idiot. I would have yelled at him too.

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