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To (usually) maintain normal bedtimes during the holidays and be annoyed that friend turned up for impromptu playdate at 7.45pm?

(148 Posts)
plentyofpipecleaners Sun 27-Jul-14 21:03:17

DC are 7 & 5. Normal bedtime is 7.30pm. DS1 reads for anything up to 90 minutes after we have gone downstairs, ds2 tends to be asleep a lot earlier then that. Since the light nights, and especially since it has been so hot and sticky, they have been noisier after bedtime, with lots of toing and froing between the two rooms. However, we/I (h partly moved out now) tend to ignore this as long as not too rowdy - dc do not seem over-tired and the focus is on them during the day, so evenings are precious. We usually go camping (is booked this year, and the plan is to go ahead, despite separation confused) and bedtimes go out the window then, but otherwise, unless there is a special reason, we stick to them and dc are fine with it, I think.

Tonight a friend, as planned, came round at 7.30 to drop off a pet I am looking after for them while they are away. They had brought their dc - the same ages as ours. They were shocked to find ours in bed and the mother, in particular, made several comments about how she expected ours to be up since it is the holidays. Tbh, even if they had been up, I would not have wanted them getting hyped up at that time in the evening, no way. Both parents were there, so AIBU to think that one could have stayed at home with the dc, or that they could at least have checked before bringing the dc round?

They spent a really awkward hour here, constantly 'shhing' their dc with pointed comments about ours being in bed etc, so that I ended up feeling embarrassed for my dc - like I have shown them up in front of their friends. They were still awake, of course, and when I went up afterwards, they were in one bed giggling about why their friends had come round 'at night'. I wonder why they just didn't come down, but they didn't.

As a side issue, am I the only parent who tries to maintain normality during the holidays - ds1, in particular, is noticeably 'older' this year then last, iyswim.

SilveryMoon Sun 27-Jul-14 21:06:33

It's your choice, I've always kept the routine during holidays but this one I am being far more relaxed. My ds's are 5 and nearly 7. They are up now watching a dvd and ds1 has been up really late most nights so far.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 27-Jul-14 21:07:12

I think you would have done better to unclench and let your DC get up to see their friends. Visitors they know and like would seem like enough of a 'special' reason to relax about bedtime, especially as it is the summer holiday.

Flexibilityisquay Sun 27-Jul-14 21:10:14

YANBU. I do let bedtimes slide slightly in the holidays, but only by half an hour or so. DS gets up at the same time in the morning whatever time he goes to bed, so I can't let him stay up too late, or he'd be horrid!

Meglet Sun 27-Jul-14 21:11:52

I'd be peed off if someone turned up at that time too. But as a one off you could have let your dc's come downstairs.

Yanbu to try and keep most the bedtimes usual time though. I'm failing miserably and it's driving me up the wall.

EatingMyWords Sun 27-Jul-14 21:12:09

I was worried this was about me at first as my DS asked the 7 and 5 year olds next door if he was allowed to go over and play at about that time! They said 'no' perfectly reasonably. They were playing late last night when we were putting DS to sleep in the tent in the garden but he went to sleep anyway.

I think it's just horses for courses in the holiday. Your friends were rude staying with their kids when you said theirs were in bed. But bedtimes are up to the individual parents.

ilovepowerhoop Sun 27-Jul-14 21:12:33

bedtimes have gone to pot here this year especially as ds (7) has been watching the Commonwealth Games rugby 7's matches. He is waiting for the final to come on tonight so is still up.

gordyslovesheep Sun 27-Jul-14 21:12:41

yanbu - it might be the holidays but that still means mine have to get up and out by 8am as I o to work and they go to holiday club - so we all need sleep!

plentyofpipecleaners Sun 27-Jul-14 21:13:03

I may have decided to 'unclench' had I known about it, but they arrived at planned time, just after I had got downstairs after putting the dc to bed. It never occurred to me to go back up and get them. Had they appeared on the stairs, I would probably have 'unclenched' (my, what a lovely phrase that is hmm), but they didn't. I really don't get why they didn't mention it beforehand or do as they have normally done in these circumstances and just one of them brought the pet round, or all come round earlier.

Anomaly Sun 27-Jul-14 21:14:28

Mine go to bed a bit later but not much possibly half an hour or so. If my mate had turned up like that I would have taken the pet and wished them a nice holiday. If my kids are in bed then its adult time and the last thing I'd want around is someone else's kids. I think your mate was a bit rude not to realise they weren't exactly visiting at a great time.

nocabbageinmyeye Sun 27-Jul-14 21:14:32

Your DC your choice I guess, i always relax on the holidays as i love to see dd out playing and making the most of the bright evenings, to me7.30 is too early for a school night not to mind holidays. I would have been a bit miffed if I was your friend too

LondonRocks Sun 27-Jul-14 21:15:28

Yanbu. I don't like unplanned dropping in.

youmakemydreams Sun 27-Jul-14 21:17:55

I agree with SGB but I am probably not the best person to ask because on the long summer nights we take full advantage and the dc stay up late and we visit friends whose dc also stay up late.
We have had some really fun nights sitting in our gardens drinking the odd glass of wine with all the streets children playing together.
Tbh it could rain for the rest of the holidays now and we wouldn't be able to do it. I love the more relaxed routine of the school holidays.
And on the flip side after a few late nights the dc went upstairs at about 7 tonight because they were tired.

They are young for such a short time and in the routine of school for so much of the year I love the summer holidays.

Whyisitsodifficult Sun 27-Jul-14 21:20:26

I have DC's the same age as yours and generally stick to the same bedtime routine. Maybe just let them read a little bit later but mainly they're lights out by 8pm. Quite frankly I've had their company all day and come 8 pm it's nice to switch off and have 'me' time! I certainly wouldn't of got mine out of bed if that had of happened to me!

Bogeyface Sun 27-Jul-14 21:21:11


I am not so strict as during term time as to when they are actually in bed, so if something is on and doesnt finish until an hour after bedtime then I ask them to get ready for bed and they watch and go straight up. Sometimes they read for an hour or so and last night they were all up (including the 3 year old) until nearly midnight for my sisters birthday barbecue.

But I treat that time of night as bedtime, so there would be no playing out, no getting loads of toys out or playing computer games. Watching a film, reading, playing cluedo (they are OBSESSED with that game, no idea why I find it incredibly dull and did as a child!) is fine. Friends kids turning up expecting the full play date experience would be very disappointed!

vanillavelvet Sun 27-Jul-14 21:21:39

YANBU. My DC do sometimes stay up a bit later during the summer, depending on how tired they are; but I also wouldn't have wanted to get them up again once they're in bed.

As you said, if it was prearranged I would have kept them up a bit later, but, no, once they're in bed, they're in bed.

Thefishewife Sun 27-Jul-14 21:21:41

I fucking hate this to people think because there's no school it's ok for. Holden to be up till midnight I am more than happy to do if however the people must be prepared to look after my weepy ,irrabrable children the next day

plentyofpipecleaners Sun 27-Jul-14 21:22:54

Tbh, youmakemydreams, that sounds fantastic, and if I thought they would entertain themselves like that, I would probably go for it. But we don't really have friends nearby, and none on the street, so it would, in reality, be mainly me entertaining them, or a fair bit of squabbling etc. What you describe tends to be what happens when we camp, and I do cherish that.

Frontier Sun 27-Jul-14 21:23:03

I find mine often need their beds earlier in the holidays, after an active day outdoors. Even now they're older I wouldn't be happy about people turning up at 7:45, not least because I'll be about to settle down for my evening and don't want a house full of other people's children.

DS1 (13yo) took himself to bed at 7:30 tonight. I accept it may not have been to sleep but there are no electronic gadgets allowed in bedrooms....

Bogeyface Sun 27-Jul-14 21:23:44

I should add that last night at around 8pm they all had a "sleepover" in my sisters living room with pillows, popcorn and the Lego Movie, while the adults were outside. So again, it was bed time iykwim!

Frontier Sun 27-Jul-14 21:24:13

That's not to say we never have people round in the evening and when we do Dc stay up, but unexpected ones I would object to.

kinkyfuckery Sun 27-Jul-14 21:24:57

I have two children who like structure and routine and try to stick to bedtimes, even during the 'holidays'. It's been even easier this time as they have six weeks of Monday-Friday swimming lessons at 9am, so easy sticking to a 'school' routine.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Jul-14 21:24:58

We have had some really fun nights sitting in our gardens drinking the odd glass of wine with all the streets children playing together.

I call bullshit!

"The odd glass of wine"? I dont think so dear, surely mean "the odd BOTTLE of wine EACH"?!

iwouldgoouttonight Sun 27-Jul-14 21:28:56

I agree with you OP. Our DCs are also 7 and 5 and we keep the same routine in the holidays, we all have to get up for work/play schemes/etc anyway so of they went to bed later they be tired and grumpy the next day. Like you say, you've spent all day with them, you need some adult time too. I'd be a bit annoyed if someone brought their kids round expecting to play when mine were in bed. There's no way i'd be getting them up again to go through the whole calming down bedtime rigmarole again later on!

plentyofpipecleaners Sun 27-Jul-14 21:29:32

I just want to add that we are not draconian - timings are not to the minute and, especially in the holidays, if a film/game etc overruns it's not a problem. But the thought of them getting as hyped as they do with these friends, and then me being left with them at 9ish - no.

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