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A wedding one...

(104 Posts)
alltherightfriends Tue 22-Jul-14 10:21:57

This is the first time I have started a thread here, I'm a long time lurker though.

I just wanted to get peoples opinions really on if I am being silly!! DP and I have been invited to a wedding of some good friends of ours. The wedding is 3.5 hours away but we all actually live within 10 minutes of each other in a different town. DP is invited to the daytime and I am invited to the evening. I was cross about this to begin with as a) we have been together for nearly 10 years, b) the wedding is a fair distance and DP doesn't drive and c) we are all friends and if anything I see more of the bride and groom than DP.

However, I quickly worked out that every couple that is invited is invited in this way - one half to daytime and the other to join them in the evening. I thought that this was quite thoughtless but got over it. Until the bride asked me to please make sure i travelled to the wedding the night before as she was expecting me to give DP and another unrelated friend a lift so that they could be there for the day time...

This angered me as I am not, nor have I ever been a taxi driver, this other friend is not my responsibility at all.
Anyway so (I'm feeling quite tolerant at this point) DP and I book a hotel for the night before and the night of the wedding. I agree to drive unrelated friend to the wedding the night before as well. I make plans to spend the daytime exploring and having lunch with another friend's DH as he isn't invited either. All fine.

So. Now DP has been informed by his work that he is actually scheduled to go on a trip that week and that it is non-negotiable. He travels a lot with his work. He thought he had booked days off for the wedding but doesn't look like he did. He is quite upset about this as the groom is a very good friend. We discuss cancelling our hotel room and me not going either as I am not particularly keen on hanging around a random place to go to the evening do of a wedding without DP when I wasn't invited to the actual wedding. He calls to explain and apologise. Groom is upset but understanding. Asks if I will still go as they are counting on me to take unrelated friend to the day time!!!

AIBU to think that although none of this is unrelated friend's fault, none of it is my doing either and I should not have to do a 7 hour round trip to take someone to a wedding that I am not invited to?? Obviously if I was taking DP anyway that would be different but I am not and there is plenty of time for unrelated friend to sort out his own journey.

Sorry for the massive rant...

StealthPolarBear Tue 22-Jul-14 10:23:19

shock yanbu

BristolRover Tue 22-Jul-14 10:25:29

rant away - that's utter, utter madness and astonishingly rude. The unrelated friend could take something called "public transport" and use the time to read a book instead of feeling slightly uncomfortable making polite smalltalk with a stranger. Your DP could also politely suggest to the groom that he's gone 'zilla and to wind it in somewhat...

FruVikingessOla Tue 22-Jul-14 10:26:58


But surely, if DP has had to drop out, then the B&G would say that you are welcome to the daytime bit?

MidniteScribbler Tue 22-Jul-14 10:27:20

Tell them to shove it.

Wonc Tue 22-Jul-14 10:27:52

Yanbu. It's a bizarre expectation. I hope you say no.

LAlady Tue 22-Jul-14 10:29:16

Groom can organise a taxi for unrelated friend.

It all sounds ridiculous tbh.

MonkeyDLuffy Tue 22-Jul-14 10:29:19


ICanSeeTheShardFromHere Tue 22-Jul-14 10:30:08

So, so rude and entitled.

Tell them to stick it up their bums.


Justnapping Tue 22-Jul-14 10:30:28

Omg this is ridiculous!! Please don't do this!!

Birdsgottafly Tue 22-Jul-14 10:30:54

I would want to know who is taking your DH's place, because they can drive the friend to the wedding.

However, I love trips away and a chance to dress up and have a drink, so would probably still go.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 22-Jul-14 10:31:19

Do NOT do the 7 hour round trip.
It means petrol, time, energy, money for hotel for 2 nights just for you, drinks money, food money.
Sod that.
Just say NO!

CrapBag Tue 22-Jul-14 10:34:07

Normally I am always for a bride and groom to be able to invite who they want but in this case, no way!

YANBU, tell them things have changed and you can't make it now. What a bloody cheek expecting you to make that trip, spend 2 nights there just so you can ferry someone else to the wedding then hang about all day so you can attend in the evening.

alltherightfriends Tue 22-Jul-14 10:36:35

Well I have a feeling that once groom runs it by bride she will say of course I am invited to the day time in dp's place. I just don't know if I can actually be bothered with the whole thing now. Plus the thought of 3.5hrs in the car with unrelated friend (dp's friend not mind) does not fill me with joy. On the other hand it would be fun to dress up and have a drink as birds says, lots of our friends will be there.

I know this whole situation sounds ridiculous, I have been telling my mum as each development has happened and she can't believe it either.

amyhamster Tue 22-Jul-14 10:38:12

You should have said no to the whole invite in the first place

whois Tue 22-Jul-14 10:38:55

Huh? B&G sound like loons and are displaying spectacular bad judgement and lack of vocal ettiquete. And a lack of well, just being nice people!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Tue 22-Jul-14 10:43:08

This is totally insane. Yanbu.

Just send a nice email saying that it doesn't really make sense for you to do a 7 hr round trip and 2 nights in a hotel so you hope they find someone else to do the transport.

Leave it at that, no excuses, no further explanation.

CalamitouslyWrong Tue 22-Jul-14 10:43:25

This isn't in any way about couples inviting who they like to a wedding. It's a couple deciding that they can use people they haven't invited to the wedding (at least not properly) to provide services they require. It's a bit like that AIBU where the weddingzillas didn't invite (or possibly uninvited) an OP but still wanted her to do all the decorations (for free).

fairgame Tue 22-Jul-14 10:47:38

YANBU. Don't do it. Your not good enough to be invited to the full wedding but according to them your good enough to taxi their guests around. Fuck that!

What is it with some people that as soon as they start planning a wedding they turn into complete morons angry

olaflikeswarmhugs Tue 22-Jul-14 11:01:22

First of all .. shock

Secondly , can the friend not make his own way to the wedding I mean he's a grown man ffshmmconfused

KnackeredMuchly Tue 22-Jul-14 11:02:15

I would tell them to bugger off.

Trooperslane Tue 22-Jul-14 11:09:01


Send the response teenage wrote.

Very hard to argue with that.

They are nuts.

Poshsausage Tue 22-Jul-14 11:09:48

Nope .

NatashaBee Tue 22-Jul-14 11:12:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyUsernameIsPants Tue 22-Jul-14 11:14:32

I usually respond to wedding invitation threads with a YABU, but.....

What a fucking cheek!

I would tell them to do one.

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