AIBU to be stubborn about where we buy?(11 Posts)
We're looking to buy a house in the next year or so, currently renting in an area I am very happy with. I have friends and family near by, DPs family is close and his friends and the rest of his family live close enough about 10-15 mins drive away. I'm a SAHM to 2.
DP is doing my head in wanting me to move to the area his friends are in, or to list 10 other locations I'd be happy to move to. The area they live in is a run down town that doesn't have much going for it. The houses are nice and you get more for your money, but only because of the state of the town.
AIBU to think that if the area we currently live in ticks all the boxes it's stupid to be racking my brains trying to think of plenty of other places I'd be happy to move to? To me it makes more sense to have a shorter list.
DP seems to have something against us buying here, he says it's ok but he doesn't love it, yet he can't name anywhere else he loves apart from run down town.
Sorry, it's a bit of a rant. I'm just pissed off that he's making me feel bad for not wanting to move to all these different places that are ages away. I'm happy here, why should I have to uproot to somewhere I'm not happy?
Oh YANBU! He needs to look further ahead. Do you have children? The schools in the run down area won't be as good.
YANBU, why would you want to buy a house in an area you don't want to live in?
Because your DP clearly is not happy there or he wouldn't be so keen to go elsewhere? That doesn't mean it's necessarily right that he should get the casting vote, but I think you need to be a bit more open and understanding to his needs too.
I'm sure he feels "Why am I being made to feel bad for wanting to move to somewhere I'll be happier?" You need to think less about yourselves and think about what you can do to get both of you happy.
There is one really good school in that area. I haven't looked in to it but I'm assuming we wouldn't get in. DS1 is in a very good school in this area. DS2 is just a baby so don't have to think too much about him yet.
I can see what he means a bit, in that it seems like it's me getting final choice and he has to go with it. But if he doesn't feel as strongly about anywhere else why should I have to give in and move there?
OP, if you're happy where you are and you can afford to live there then why not. But as you say, there are other places where you can get more for your money. Why not draw the map of where would work from a travel/ work/ family point of view and then go exploring with an open mind? Nothing lost, surely?
Mrs Win, YABU to assume that just because a town is a bit run down the schools won't be as good. The parents might not be as rich, that's all. There are some fabulous schools in less affluent areas, with good teachers and small classes, loads better surely than being crammed 35 to portacabins on what might have once been a playing field, just because the town is growing and the school once had a 'good reputation'?
Location, location, location. Stick to your guns, esp as you already have 1 dc in a good school. Changing schools is disruptive and going to school out of area if you don't get into the good one in other area is a pain - travelling to and from school, friends' houses etc.
Ime - and this is my experience - blokes are selfish and think about what they want and women think of the best thing for the family as a whole.
What fredfred said.
I think Location is the most important factor when buying a house, but the is the right location for both of you - why would your feelings be more important than his feelings ?
You need to both be open minded and follow his very sensible suggestion of widening your search as neither of your first choice areas 'tick the box' for the other person in the relationship.
Think of all the things that are important - commute, schools, friends nearby, other facilities, and how important things about the house are - parking, space, number of rooms, if prepared to do work, etc., then do a really big searh on the internet first, then actually take the time to go and visit some possible places you'd not yet considered.
It's too big a decision for one of you to feel resentful about it, you need to find what's good for you both.
OP the other thing to consider is that areas that have been historically a bit run down can perk up. My Mum's area is a case in point. For years (since the 70s) it's been very deprived, lots of social problems etc and as a result houses were very cheap.
There has been a new development announced...it will include a Marina, shopping and hotels...as it's only 10 miles from a large city which is expensive to buy in. House prices are creeping up now...
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