AIBU or is my Landlady?(84 Posts)
I live in a four bedroom flat share. We don't have a living room or anywhere where you could get in the way.
One shower, one toilet and one kitchen between 4 women (Land lady has her gf living here now fulltime so currently 5)
We all work except for her gf. She's foreign and can't speak English so sits in the house all day doing housework or cooking etc
I moved in a few months ago. I pay £630 a month for my room. On some weekends my bf tends to come and stay with me. Not every weekend as he works, but the ones when he is off. So in 3 months he has stayed 3 weekends.
We don't go into the kitchen we go out and eat and drink. He goes home and showers every day rather than use the shower here.
Friday night (my bedroom is above LLs) I got a text from LL saying she can't sleep because the noise on the floor? We were walking around a little bit, but not stomping even so, I sent back sorry lovely I will be quieter.
Roll on to this morning 11am my bf passed by (I'm on leave) came to chat to me in my room for 30 mins went toilet and went home.
Next thing I know I get another text from my LL saying:
Please let me know when your bf will be in the flat and when he goes away so we are only girls and the night or in the morning we will move around any time
in the flat please don't forget that.
So I replied:
No thats ok he passed by for about 30mins went toilet and saw your gf. I don't understand why shes complaining (LL GF) though he wasnt in anyones way
and as always we stay in my room. Just so she knows I will be here all week.
I get this a girls house. I get that. I'd hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable about seeing my fully dressed bf going for a wee.
Like I said we don't use anything in the house we go out for food etc. Not in the way. I rent my room with good faith I don't get in anyones way. If I wish to have my bf over I shouldn't have to ask, should I? Last time I checked I paid rent and I wasn't living with my parents. He isn't over often at all if he was I'd get the issue here or even if he was hanging about first thing in the morning when people are getting ready for work etc. Starting to feel like I should maybe find a new place to rent. As I feel LL gf who I do like btw, but she is always here and always in the kitchen and it's her complaining! So AIBU or is she?
She is being unreasonable.
Are you in England or Scotland?
If Scotland does the house have a multiple occupancy licence since even with a resident landlord she's over the threshold if it isn't.
I think you should look for somewhere else. I don't think you're the least bit unreasonable having your boyfriend in the flat sometimes - but your ll or her gf apparently have a problem with it not being an all-female environment 24/7. Different expectations, not really compatible, so probably best to find somewhere that suits you better.
What does your tenancy agreement say? If it doesn't mention not having overnight guests, then she IBU.
I have the feeling you might not have the same complaints if you had a GF staying over now and again.
If it's becoming an issue talk to her. If she's unreasonable then look elsewhere.
But it sounds like it's time to move out. You both want different things out of this tenancy agreement. While you could argue your case I doubt it's worth it as it may leave tension between you and your LL. IMO it sound like it would just be easier to find another (more welcoming) place to live.
Are you and your BF at the stage where you could move in together?
YANBU and you and your bf seem very considerate to the other tenants.
Where the heck do you live that you pay £630 for a room?
Our rent for a 3 bed semi is £650!
Yanbu, I would be asking the ll when the rent will be decreasing due to now splitting between 5 residents.
As a person from outside your household I don't think you're being unreasonable, if your bf is only around once a month and seemingly not using communal facilities apart from the toilet and I assume drinking water. On the other hand, a) some people are pretty keen on having a single sex house and may have sought out roommates of the same sex because they feel safer that way, b) ll's gf might not feel that safe if she's new to the country and living with a partner who is out most of the day and other people she can't easily communicate with, and also might feel resentful if she does most of the housework and you're bringing an extra in to (in her eyes) make mess and c) if ll owns the place, her word does unfortunately count more than a normal roommate's would. So on balance you should probably warn ll/gf that your boyfriend is going to be there overnight, and also try to get everyone together for a conversation about visitors. What do the other roommates think?
realitygone my guesses, going on the experiences of people I know in those places, would be Oxford, Cambridge or London. Quite realistic to expect to pay that much for a decent sized room somewhere central.
HI All I live in North London. Holloway. Anyone want to rent me a decent sized room? lol
I don't actually have a tenancy agreement as I found this on an advert on Spare room. Or easyflatmate I'm not sure exactly which one.
The other two roomates are both foreign too and I don't think either has a relationship or anyone over at all. LL is gay which is cool, but I'm starting to think she really doesn't like men even coming into the property. I do get the GF feeling scared etc especially not knowing the language. I do feel for her, but the other side of me think why is this my problem?
I agree look for somewhere else. LL is obviously packing in as many people as she can. Presumably what was a living room is now a bedroom.
I don't think different rules should apply to LL. She's charging a huge amount for this and it's supposed to be a shared house. Should be same rules for everyone.
You are paying £145 per week to barely exist in this property.
Assuming your other fellow tenants are paying the same, she is clearing around £1800 a month. Are the bills split between 5 now? with the new live in GF taking her share on board seeing as she is there all the time? light, heat, telly, internet?
If your Boyf was there every night, or every weekend, then tbh, it makes things crowded and isn't easy. You do however have a right to use the kitchen and to receive visitors.
I had lodgers once, one of them invited over friends and cooked, which was fine, she told us in advance, I made space and left them to it. One of her bloody guests turned off my sodding washing machine mid cycle though. That didn't go down well with me, and it got put back on PDQ. Lodger then went on to invite her mother to stay for 6weeks. That was when I put my foot down, she had no right to make that invitation without talking to me.
Not everyone is cut out to take in lodgers. Ultimately I wasn't and neither is she.
Look for a new place to stay. at that price go for a FLAT SHARE not a room.
This situation will only get worse. Trust me.
I think that in a shared house I wouldn't like boyfriends over. It's not unreasonable in itself but should have been made clear when you moved in.
I'm just nervous of men that I don't know (unfortunate past) and I think that even a fully dressed man in my home, when I wasn't expecting to see one would put me on the back foot.
Just to clarify, I don't think different rules should apply, but the ll has more leverage to get her way. Finding a new place and moving are total pains in the arse but probably the easier option compared to dying on that particular hill.
Good point Phaedra, if LL can move her GF in, so can OP. LL needs to understand this very clearly.
* Houses in Multiple Occupation
Your home is a House in Multiple Occupation (HMO) if both of the following apply:
at least 3 tenants live there, forming more than 1 household
you share toilet, bathroom or kitchen facilities with other tenants*
The house is an HMO. The LL and her gf are one family and the other 3 flat mates are 1 each making 4 families in total.
Properties where the landlord and their family are living with three or more lodgers or tenants will be classified as a HMO
Bet she's not got a licence.
No I pay the most the other girl said she pays £520 per month, but her room is smaller than mine. I believe I have the biggest room. When I moved in I did say sometimes I will have guests over, but it's not a regular thing because I know I'd hate it if the shoe was on the other foot. And it wouldn't be fair on the others if I virtually moved in my bf. I'm not in a position to live with him again we tried that and it didn't work out. Living apart suits us
Hissy I'm all in £630 and I believe the others are too. Just get your share of toilet paper etc you know the usual. Her gf isn't working so I doubt she has any money. She is a trained nurse in Brazil, but can she work over here and will she need a visa etc? They're really nice people and I don't want to fall out with anyone and thank you mumsnet because I was fully expecting to be told IABU and her house, her rules.
I think that even a fully dressed man in my home, when I wasn't expecting to see one would put me on the back foot
But it's 3 other people's home as well.
Jesus christ I am gobsmacked at the amount you pay to live in a room!! Blimey shame your in London you could rent my log cabin for less than that, with use of the house! That is seriously expensive with lousy restrictions on you.
I think your landlady is being unreasonable. I rent my spare room and my lodger can have boyfriends to stay, I wouldn't want one night stands but boyfriends I'm fine with that and I have a small child.
I wish I could afford a bedsit in london, but even with the bills etc you're still looking at paying around £800 and I can't afford that.
I doubt she does have a licence, but I can't be worried about it as I only just found out by you that she needs one lol
lolz at all the non-Londoners being shocked at both your rent and the lack of officially signed contract.... both all so normal.
Stand your ground. Tell your LL that you don't expect him to spend too much time there... but that its not practical to text her updates as you will forget.
And then look around for somewhere better... ah the joys of being a 20 something in London...
^^ Ahem I wish I was 20 something (whispers 31 whispers)
You need to look for somewhere else. She's only going to get worse.
Not shocked at the lack of contract but it always amazes me that it is so much for just a room with no communal space. I live just outside Brighton, which is also expensive. I don't how you survive and then to be told you can't actually love freely in that very expensive room well now that just shocks me
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