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Children at a music festival

(34 Posts)
bellarations Mon 21-Jul-14 11:43:39

Would you leave a music festival with your dc if it was raining?
This has upset me very very much but I will try to be factual because I honestly want people's opinions, am I irresponsible because I didn't want to leave?
Dc aged from 14 years to 16 months dh and I both took them.
All dc happy enough and didn't want to leave when asked.
We all looked around the stalls and enjoyed the funfair.
Then an iphone was lost and it started raining.
We sat in the car for abit because was raining hard.
When it slowed to a drizzle we went back to the festival.
Dh was an obvious misery for about 2 hours, I suggest the tent about 20 yards away. That is not acceptable.
He then demands we leave just as the band we (mostly I) had waited to see, is about to start. His reasons were it's raining and dc were cold. They had not said they were cold and when he asked them if they wanted to sit in the car they said no. He demanded they go with him telling me to come with him or get a taxi. After some heated phone calls (dd's phone) he tells me to come and get in the car or he will drag me out.
I'm very angry he is very angry we are at stalemates.
Our 16 mo was happy in my arms with a blanket and two layers of clothes AND a borrowed umbrella. Younger dc had blankets, he is telling me I'm irresponsible. I disagree. What do you think?

wheresthelight Mon 21-Jul-14 11:53:27

I think your dh is being a twat and needs to grow up and stop sulking over a lost phone!

Would expect the 14yo to be the huffy hormonal one but apparently your dh has taken on that role

TheSkiingGardener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:55:20

As long as the older ones who could speak for themselves said they were happy and those that couldn't were comfortable and looked after then not a problem to stay at all.

He needs to stop sulking over his phone.

Squirrelsmum Mon 21-Jul-14 11:56:05

Does he often have a tanty when you are enjoying yourself?
He's being a dick.

jellyandsoup Mon 21-Jul-14 11:58:19

He sounds horrible! Yes it's annoying to lose your phone and I think most people would he in a pretty shitty mood, but he shouldn't speak to you like that.

Hulababy Mon 21-Jul-14 11:59:10

He was in the wrong. If he was cold and unhappy he could leave or go and sit in the car. The older kids can speak for themselves. As an adult you can choose for yourself what you want to do.

I'd be very cross in such a situation. He ruined the day for you all.

jellyandsoup Mon 21-Jul-14 11:59:12

And no I don't think there is anything wrong with taking kids to a festival, sometimes slightly stressful but if they were happy then happy days.

DownByTheRiverside Mon 21-Jul-14 12:00:58

He's a bully, I'm horrified by this part of your post

'He demanded they go with him telling me to come with him or get a taxi.
After some heated phone calls (dd's phone) he tells me to come and get in the car or he will drag me out. '

That's unacceptable in any relationship, No way would I accept that as OK however wet cold and shitty he was feeling. Is he usually this dominant?

Ioethe Mon 21-Jul-14 12:02:32

Did he actually threaten to drag you out physically? That right there is not OK. The rest of it ain't OK either, but that's your huge ass red glittery flag.

Mama1980 Mon 21-Jul-14 12:02:36

Goodness no! I had my 4 children aged 7months, 1, 6 and 16 at a festival this weekend, all bar my youngest got soaked dancing and slipping and sliding in the mud- they had a amazing time!

Your dh sounds unpleasant.

Selks Mon 21-Jul-14 12:03:42

He'd 'drag you out'?? Bullying dick. Don't put up with this behaviour.

DownByTheRiverside Mon 21-Jul-14 12:07:37

It's not really about children at a music festival though, is it?
Have you posted on the relationships boards here? A lot of helpful, suportive and wise women on there.

Presumably his threats made you get into the car and leave with him driving?

NewtRipley Mon 21-Jul-14 12:11:02

He wanted to leave because he wasted to leave

He sulked

He made a serious accusation, a low blow

He threatened you

You are not being unreasonable

Is he often like this?

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 21-Jul-14 12:13:03

God, kids can cope with a bit of drizzle. Your dh is a controlling arse.

WomanScorned Mon 21-Jul-14 12:13:09

My ex-husband would have done this. If he was not happy, he made it his mission to make sure no-one else was. He would also have waited until the exact moment the band I was waiting for came on, for maximum impact. I would then have been expected to placate the children all the way home, sort out his replacement phone, then risk being accused of 'wanting an argument' if I so much as mentioned it all once we were home.
I saw him a few days ago, 10 years after he went off in a strop and never came home or acknowledged me or our son again. He's still sulking.

Will your DH acknowledge that he's out of order?

bellarations Mon 21-Jul-14 12:16:49

Im using my phone so can't see who wrote what but hope this answers any questions.
I'm very upset about they way he spoke to me and told him so. I stood alone after he marched the children away taking the toddler from my arms not knowing what to do.
Yes these are he is actual words "come now or I will drag you out".
We talked about it at home he insists I'm irresponsible and doesn't want "his" children around drunk people. I didn't notice I was looking at my children. I told him I don't want to be with someone who forces me into a corner. He says fine, I get my way, let's separate.
I accepted that it was raining and was happy to get on with the evening. Is my dc had complained I would have left, (irritated yes) but they were asked, they said no they were not cold.
He said do you want to come to the car or stay with mum, they all but my ds (13 years) wanted to stay. I feel he should have said yes let go to the tent which was full of families or sit in the car. But this, this is horrid.
I need to see if others think it's wrong to keep children in the rain at a festival, they wanted to stay, they hear the band at home, they wanted to see it.

NewtRipley Mon 21-Jul-14 12:18:09

This can't be the first time you've clashed like this

dawndonnaagain Mon 21-Jul-14 12:19:04

DD2 (17) got drenched at latitude this weekend. She loved it.

NewtRipley Mon 21-Jul-14 12:19:32

OP were you drunk?

bellarations Mon 21-Jul-14 12:22:26

Newt - no not a drop of alcohol for either of us, the drunk comment was about other people being drunk.

NewtRipley Mon 21-Jul-14 12:23:45

Ah OK. was just wondering if this is an issue between you.

He continues to sound unreasonable. How often do you have these confrontations?

QuipFree Mon 21-Jul-14 12:41:26

He sounds a misery. Does he often sulk and force everyone else to feel miserable along with him?

The rain and the music festival are fine. Not irresponsible in the slightest. Unless they were recovering from an illness, they won't come to any harm by getting wet, or by witnessing drunken adults.

He's so emotionally immature that he can't just say to you, I feel like my day is being ruined by losing my phone, and I want to leave. At least then you could have tried to cheer him up and told him not to worry, it will be okay. He might have felt a bit better and you all could have enjoyed your day.

I take it he does this kind of stuff a lot.

bellarations Mon 21-Jul-14 12:58:04

Thank you for your replies.
They have given me some confidence in my own mind that I was not being an irresponsible mother, as he believes.
I did try to cheer him up, he wasn't even trying.
He says I don't care about him because I knew he was having a bad time but insisted on staying. Maybe he is right about that, we just argue in circles.
I don't know how to forgive this.

splendidpup Mon 21-Jul-14 13:03:41

He is a big baby, that's all.

Lost phone, rain, not enjoying being at a festival. Fair enough, not everyone's cup of tea, he found he didn't enjoy the experience.

Ruining everyone else's day, not ok.

There's nothing at all wrong with children being out in the rain. They aren't going to shrink! It would be abnormal and poor parenting to not permit the children outside in poor weather.

Children around drunks. It's a festival. What did he expect? Just being near people drinking is not a problem, surely, why does he think it is? Well, he doesn't really, he is just trying to justify acting like an arse by pretending it was for the children's benefit.

You know he is the unreasonable one. Why do you feel the need to hear other people say it as well? Is he always like this? God save me from miserable git men, I was foolish enough to be with them in the past, never again.

wheresthelight Mon 21-Jul-14 13:23:03

Assuming he was having a good time up until he lost his phone then he is acting like a 2 year old throwing his toys out of the pram.

I would call his bluff and tell him to pack a bag and leave until he can learn to speak to you with the respect your position as his wife and equal partner deserves

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