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To believe that the common "rule" whereby the cook doesn't lift a finger after the meal...

(67 Posts)
TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 20-Jul-14 21:42:24

Is unfairly weighted in favour of the cook?
Reasons being:
The cook often chooses the meal.
The cook gets all the glory.
The aftermath rarely involves simply washing up or loading the dishwasher, there's usually much cleaning and clearing to be done.
The cook gets to do their bit before the meal and wine so the hapless clearer-upper has to leap into action at the most uncomfortable time, while the smug cook leans back with a drink.

Nobody thanks the clearer upper.

TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 20-Jul-14 21:43:53

Oh, and often, those cooking are doing so because they "enjoy" it. It's an actual sort of hobby for some ppl. I know of nobody who wants to go on "master washer upper"

EleanorHandbasket Sun 20-Jul-14 21:44:31


If I've done fun cooking at the weekend I'll usually clear up after because it's my mess for my own enjoyment.

But we always clear up after the other for functional everyday cooking because let's face it, that shit is DULL.

Namechangearoonie123 Sun 20-Jul-14 21:45:39


After 15 years of peeling potatoes and feeding weans there is no glory is ordinary family dinners

And the wee fuckers can clean up after

CrystalSkulls Sun 20-Jul-14 21:46:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EleanorHandbasket Sun 20-Jul-14 21:46:23

Plus the fact that fun extravaganza cooking uses most of the kitchen utensils and pots. So it seems unfair to expect anyone else to pitch in and clean.

Having said that, if we've had family over for Sunday lunch or evening dinner, they will always help clear up despite my weak protests.

ClashCityRocker Sun 20-Jul-14 21:46:39

Have you just had to do the washing up?

It's the rule in our house because I do all the cooking.

You might have a point. My kitchen looks like IKEA exploded after I've done the cooking.

But it is hard work. And you often miss the boring bit where everyone's still sober pre dinner mingling.

MrsPresley Sun 20-Jul-14 21:47:37

I wash up as much as possible as I'm going along, but that's because I have a small kitchen, but yes if I've cooked I don't expect to wash up as well.

Usually it's just the plates, cutlery and maybe 1 pot depending in what we've had.

Believe me there is no glory with my cooking grin

JustAShopGirl Sun 20-Jul-14 21:47:40

I cook because no one else steps up to do it... therefore I will not be the clearer-upper..

The only time I disagree is when it is a barbecue - and the "cook" slaps meat on a fire whilst the ACTUAL meal preparer does the salad/potatoes/dips/sauces/bread/marinading etc...

coolaschmoola Sun 20-Jul-14 21:47:55

I'm with Namechange - half the time thinking what to cook is a pain in the arse, and the best I can hope for is 'that was nice'.

If that's glory you can keep it.

Plus I clean as I go, so it usually is just load the dishwasher/wash the pans.

Sirzy Sun 20-Jul-14 21:48:08

I'm a "use every pan" type cook so try to do the dishes as I go as much as possible so I don't run out of dishes!

Hassled Sun 20-Jul-14 21:48:28

YABU. Cooking is a lonely boring drudge and not even listening to the lovely Eddie Mair can help with the "what can I do with mince today that DC3 will actually eat?" dilemma.

Usually DH is working away so I cook and then shout "Scrape your plates! Not like that, like this!" at the DCs. When he's home I cook and then run for the hills - it's only fair.

ancientbuchanan Sun 20-Jul-14 21:48:39

You are lucky that that rule gets air time. I get complaints about the cooking and sulks about clearing up, or if I leave it, it doesn't get done till I have a hiss fit.

ClashCityRocker Sun 20-Jul-14 21:49:31

Plus, if we're hosting, I've probably spent the day going out shopping, googling recipes, sobbing into my substandard soufflé's a massive emotional undertaking...well, not really but the time spent cooking is longer than the washing up, usually.

CrystalSkulls Sun 20-Jul-14 21:49:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 20-Jul-14 21:51:00

Yes I have just had to clear up clashcityroller grin

Dh does a lot of the cooking.
Usually more "fussy" than I would do tbh.
Makes a phenomenal mess. He only has to make coffee and it's like the place has been turned over.
Feeling disgruntled.
I would have been happy with cheese on toast. grin

BestIsWest Sun 20-Jul-14 21:51:10

crystal so do you serve the food up and then wash all the cooking pots, pans! trays, etc up before eating then? doesn't your food get cold? You can't wash everything as you go. That doesn't make sense sorry.

iklboo Sun 20-Jul-14 21:52:22

Cook often has to spend ages thinking of a meal that everyone will deign to eat.

Cook bloody rarely gets anything more than a 'thank you'. Usually a grunt or, more likely, some criticism of something someone didn't like.

Cook washes up as she goes along & doesn't use every pot, pan & utensil in the house.

Cook doesn't drink wine as she goes along. It's not really like Come Dine With Me.

iklboo Sun 20-Jul-14 21:53:44

Oh, and in this house the work surfaces, table, cooker top etc miraculously turn completely invisible to the washer upper so cook has to sodding well clean those down.

TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 20-Jul-14 21:53:47

And if there's utilitarian midweek cooking to do, that falls to me.
He never cleans up as he goes.
And dc2 is brutally messy toddler. So clearing up involves hosing down the highchair and surrounding kitchen floor.

Lambzig Sun 20-Jul-14 21:53:53

The cook usually does the meal planning. I am always frustrated that DH never gets the sheer fucking drudgery of planning a weeks interesting, nutritious meals that all four of us like and that aren't anything we have eaten in the past couple of weeks. Not to mention the online/local grocery/ butcher/aldi shopping. The least he can do is the washing up.

Hulababy Sun 20-Jul-14 21:55:12

Well, it works in my house smile

And we do it for all meals, not just the fancy ones but also the standard average after work dinner too.

For fancy meals when friends are round the prep and the cooking takes far far longer than the cleaning up. I also do the early prep of actually meal planning and shopping for the food too.

DH has no real interest in the cooking side; I do - so works well for us.

Lambzig Sun 20-Jul-14 21:56:24

However, YANBU about clearing up after the DC. When DH (with much fanfare) gets the DC their tea, I have to spend half an hour cleaning up afterwards as it never occurs to him to wipe down the high chair and chair and he can't be bothered to supervise to stop them getting messy.

CremeEggThief Sun 20-Jul-14 21:56:32

My XH was a much better cook than I, but over time, I took over more of the cooking, as I couldn't stand the mess I had to clear up in his wake.

TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 20-Jul-14 21:58:14

No. He doesn't meal plan. Just Decides what he wants to eat on a given day and shops for it rather than working.

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