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to take work sex pest to an employer tribunal? WWYD?

(30 Posts)
recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:20:13

Just need a bit of advice really, not sure how best to deal with this. I have been the victim of abuse from my manager at work, I have a signed apology letter within which there is a fully detailed and signed confession of the hell this horrible person has put me through. I have told my husband, left and found another job, however I feel he shouldn't get away with what he has done to me.

More important he should not remain in that position to inflict his weird ways on anyone else. He discriminated against me because of my age, was extremely sexually abuse, inappropriate touching and name calling me awful names. Lots of physical abuse too, kicking, slapping, punching etc, lots of name calling and horrible remarks. The only reason I took it so long was a) because i really needed the income, B) I also worked for his parents who I had already told that he was calling me a C**t and hitting me [they said they would sort it, but then it started again] c) I thought why should he win? But now I guess he has. My husband was fantastic, went straight round told his parents every sleazy detail, blew it sky high.

I ended up dieting because of the constant remarks of being fat, questioned everything I wore, felt awkward in myself. I may have left but this feels like it will stay with me for a long time, all I did was be really good at my job, he acknowledges this in his "apology" letter, smacks of being sorry for his parents not me.

His mum cannot handle the truth and said I could not return to their to work, even though I was blameless [not that I would go back again].
So, over to you intelligent Mums-netters, anyone got experience or advise for me? I was thinking CAB... I have checked out the direct-gov website for tribunal as well. Can i claim loss of earnings? I won't start my new job until September and even then its a month in hand. Please don't flame me for being weak or a mug, we really needed the money to feed and cloth the kids sad
sorry its a novel.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:21:04

** sexually abusive, sorry

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 20-Jul-14 13:23:23

I would be going to the police.

MrsCumbersnatch Sun 20-Jul-14 13:24:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardibach Sun 20-Jul-14 13:25:01

I agree. Police. If you have been assaulted that is the only real solution.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:25:10

I had considered this, I don't want to waste their time. Thanks for replying, I am not a daft person and I don't usually take any crap tbh.
Shall I ring 101 first check out if it is for them or not?

FryOneFatManic Sun 20-Jul-14 13:26:32

OP, you mention hitting and punching and other physical abuse. That is assault. I'd call the police.

AlpacaLypse Sun 20-Jul-14 13:26:33

Your relationship with his family is already broken, and you have a new job to go to. So there's nothing to stop you progressing this. I absolutely agree he should be punished for this abuse.

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 20-Jul-14 13:27:47

I think 101 is the best as 999 is for emergency.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:27:52

It is my word against his, he has not admitted hitting me
but he has and I quote put" he only touched me with nearby objects"
And that "all the in-appropriate comments were <banter>"
Thank you for all the replies. I am a proud 37 year old woman, I have really found all this quite hard.

ParsingFlatly Sun 20-Jul-14 13:28:01

Yep, police.

Look into Employment Tribunal for constructive dismissal at the same time too, because there's a time limit on when you can start a case. But if you open a case it's possible you can then pause it pending the police investigation - you need proper advice on this, so ask ACAS or post here on the Legal board.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:30:21

Right i will phone 101 then and see where we go from here.
I will keep you all posted, thank you. I am not daft but I didn't know
what to do for the best, i have stayed dignified through out. The final
straw was in the stock room [sending me where the cameras don't go]
he tried to undo my bra strap through my t-shirt. I walked out and didn't go back, phoned my husband and he went around.

Downamongtherednecks Sun 20-Jul-14 13:33:20

Sexual and physical abuse are a matter for the police, because this is criminal behaviour. BTW, there is a suggestion in your op that you feel that you are to blame for letting this continue. This is absolutely not the case. HE is the one at fault, and HE is the one who should be prosecuted. This has clearly affected you physically and mentally, and that will take time to heal. Police, op, with a copy of the letter in your hand.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:33:21

Right O will do, thank you for all your support
will post on the legal board too.
According to the website I have 3 months to open a case with ACAS
whereby they will make us do arbitrary conciliation, then if that is no good its employers tribunal.
Big thanks to all

thedancingbear Sun 20-Jul-14 13:34:07

Yup, police. and solicitor for compensation for constructive dismissal etc. no question. put him through the wringer, he deserves it

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 20-Jul-14 13:40:54

After the x amount of time he put you through hell, even if you got no compensation or justice, then he will be the one going through hell.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:44:32

Thank you, I am an intelligent woman, I know it wasn't me but
the whole thing has left me feeling so dirty.
If I did not want to do things properly I thought about putting his letter on FB [I don't go on it personally] just to make him feel like he has me.

He knew my grandad had cancer and kept saying he hoped he died and that I got it, that my kids got it next. Just really vile.

I didn't have any proof, but the letter does back me up.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:47:01

Yes Icanseethesun... I agree with you and everyone else.
I could have smacked him one I am a big girl, but I want to do it properly.
My husband and son weren't very happy that they couldn't smack him either, but I want what little bit of dignity I have left to remain.

I feel a duty to protect other girls who may not be as strong as me.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 20-Jul-14 13:53:59

There are time restrictions for taking a case to an employment tribunal, unless it's been changed recently, it's three months after leaving the job. Also, to put in a claim for constructive dismissal an employee has to say in their resignation letter that they consider themselves constructively dismissed. There's also a qualifying period of 2 years IIRC, so an employee has to have worked there for 2 years, unless they are claiming for disability or sexual discrimination. It also costs money to go down the Employment tribunal route and they like employees to use the employers complaints procedure first. You could give ACAS a call, they will be able to advise you better.

You're probably better off posting in Legal. It does sound like a Police matter by the way as it's assault.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 13:56:23

hope I am not drip feeding, sorry if I am, only occasionally post but I knew many on here are great so thought I would ask.

Not looking to cash in or be nasty, just want a couple of weeks wages to compensate me for what I have lost through no fault of my own and I want to make sure he is not allowed to stay in a position hew is not mentally stable enough to hold. I think he needs to be held accountable for his actions, that he has admitted are "wrong".

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 14:02:32

thanks LadySybil...

I used their procedure last time, non exists other than to tell his parents which I did, last time it was just physical..
I left and got another job, they begged me back, promising that he had been told etc,etc. I was good at the job loved by them and the customers, 6 months down the line it really gathered momentum, here I am.
Police and ACAS I reckon. thank you

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 20-Jul-14 14:09:17

Good luck! thanks

Sallycinnamum Sun 20-Jul-14 14:11:59

OP, when I was 18 I was sexually harassed in my first job. I decided to do something about it when he pushed me up against a wall and tried to push his knee between my legs.

When I finally told my employers it turned out he'd been doing it for years but nobody had the courage to report him.

Please go to the police before he does it again.

recepticlefortherespectable Sun 20-Jul-14 14:16:37

Sallycinnamum, great name btw -

Yes, I am worried for a younger person not as strong as me.
His father was totally different to his mother, as if he knew I was
telling the truth and what we had told him wasn't a surprise.
Will contact 101 and update the post.
Thanks again to everyone. Really glad I posted now.

AlpacaLypse Mon 21-Jul-14 23:43:27


You've reminded me of a fill-in student-type job in a pub I had many years ago, the owner made a spirited attempt to jump me while showing me how to change a barrel down in the cellar. I dealt with it with a wriggle out and a laugh - but it could have been far far worse, and it sounds like your abuser was way beyond this stage. Big <hugs>

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