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To be worried about challenging guests on their personal hygiene before I let them hold our precious second born?

(60 Posts)
mameulah Thu 17-Jul-14 14:41:01

To cut a long (long!!!) story short...

When my practically estranged IL's turned up to meet our pfb she poked him all over the face in that 'coodgie coo' kind of way and then announced she wouldn't hold him because she had a cold sore. As you can imagine I was less than chuffed.

How best do I make sure that doesn't happen again without sounding and looking like a total cow? My DH's family is exceptionally dysfunctional selfish and whilst I don't like my IL's at all I don't want to further contribute to what is already a very odd and uncomfortable family set up.

Any ideas please...???

NigellasDealer Thu 17-Jul-14 14:42:55

just act like a deranged new mum and sit in the corner wide eyed and clutching him firmly - if she comes towards you just start moaning nooo nooo noooooooooo.
seriously ask them to wash their hands the dirty fuckers.

redexpat Thu 17-Jul-14 14:46:43

I just shouted HAVE YOU WASHED YOUR HANDS? My baby was more important than their feelings, and i was very much mother bear on speed for the first few days months. It was surprisingly effective grin

NigellasDealer Thu 17-Jul-14 14:47:55

and in the spirit of eccentric new mother, inspect their chops with a large magnifying glass before handing the baby over

mameulah Thu 17-Jul-14 14:50:23

So you just straight out said 'have you washed your hands?' My IL's are not particularly normal, is it better to say 'can you wash your hands?' I don't at all want them to hold my baby. EVER. But if I am forced to. The thought of it...sad

Has anyone ever NOT let a guest hold their baby?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 17-Jul-14 14:51:40

Well cold cores do often recur so I think it would be reasonable to check by phone (or for your DH to) that they don't have them this time. I would't let someone with a cold sore anywhere near my baby so YANBU.

NigellasDealer Thu 17-Jul-14 14:53:18

'have you washed your hands' yes just come out and say it

mameulah Thu 17-Jul-14 14:57:02

Really? I can check by phone? Is that really acceptable? That would be easier but they would be furious, I am sure. Honestly, EVERYTHING, is all about them. They really are awful.

puntasticusername Thu 17-Jul-14 14:58:02

Make sure they do know how infectious cold sores are, how dangerous they can be for babies, and that it IS possible to avoid infecting people by being scrupulous about hygiene. It really isn't the case that "everyone gets them sooner or later anyway".

My otherwise-excellent MIL didn't know any of this until I told her (nicely, but with supporting documentation and everything grin). She's fully on board now! She blamed being a product of her generation - these issues were much less commonly known when she was raising her own kids.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 17-Jul-14 14:58:34

I think you could given that they came to see your baby with cold sores before. It's dangerous for babies to catch the cold sore virus.

Koothrapanties Thu 17-Jul-14 14:59:44

I would just sit with the baby and refuse to hand him/her over. I would have to employ a look but don't touch policy. Just blame the hormones. Hormones make postnatal women crazy...

mameulah Thu 17-Jul-14 15:03:11

Well here's hoping that they don't actually come and visit. It would only be a little bit odd compared to their usual behaviour. I really struggle with exposing my gorgeous boys to them. They have had their chance with their babies and completely screwed it up. I don't want them getting their grubby hands on my children and exposing them to their random and mean ways.

puntasticusername Thu 17-Jul-14 15:08:58

This is about much more than cold sores, isn't it?

domoarigato Thu 17-Jul-14 15:15:04

I had about 3 bottles of hand sanitizer and squeezed it into guests hands myself!

fluffyraggies Thu 17-Jul-14 15:19:17

Yes we had hand sanitizer all about the place for the first weeks when DD was tiny. You can get little ones for a pound OP in boots/tesco. Whip one out and say 'do you mind having a squirt of this? We've all had a bit of D&V recently and are worried about the baby'.

Trooperslane Thu 17-Jul-14 15:25:48

I think I may have my first cold sore ever and just googled it.

I'm en route to the pharmacy to get them to chop off the corner of my mouth and bricking it because I've been smooching dd without even thinking about it.

I'm sure it will be fine but fuck it - you're in charge and can channel your inner lioness - make them wash, check no cold sore and anti bac for sure.

Fixitagaintomorrow Thu 17-Jul-14 15:34:33

He's YOUR baby, no-one can force you to hand him over to anyone. I had no problem telling certain family members I didn't want them touching dd. But, if you want to be polite maybe say something along the lines of "he's been unsettled through the night so I think it's best I hold onto him"?

TimeForAnotherNameChange Thu 17-Jul-14 15:54:26

Anti bac isn't going to help with cold sores specifically as they're caused by a virus. I'd go with boot handing him over at all and a breezy 'Oh he's been ever so unsettled today, I don't want to risk disturbing him, he's only just got comfy! etc.

Dutch1e Thu 17-Jul-14 21:36:38

"Any cold sores this time? Or other communicable diseases? Just to be sure, go wash your hands. With HOT WATER AND SOAP."

Or just get a 10 foot long wrap and babywear until primary school

fluffymouse Thu 17-Jul-14 22:16:29

Is this seriously normal behavior?

Do you ask guests when they last showered?

Dutch1e Thu 17-Jul-14 22:23:10

fluffymouse no it's not normal. Unless your freaky in-laws have a history of not being 100% aware of how easy it is to transfer the herpes virus to a newborn (the coldsore thing).

HumphreyCobbler Thu 17-Jul-14 22:27:29

fluffymouse it can be very dangerous indeed for a newborn to get the cold sore virus.

chocolatemademefat Thu 17-Jul-14 22:31:53

For god sake! Get a grip! Why don't you send your DH outside with a pressure hose and get him to give everyone a good wash on the way in. Or you could keep your kids in a goldfish bowl and filter the air in.

What a stupid post. You obviously don't like your in-laws and don't want them around. Just say so instead of all this nonsense.

fluffymouse Thu 17-Jul-14 22:32:28

I am aware about herpes virus. That and personal hygiene are completely separate issues though.

Since said relative said they wouldn't hold the baby it sounds like they were aware too!

HumphreyCobbler Thu 17-Jul-14 22:45:16

not until after they had touched the baby's face though!

the challenging personal hygiene comment was indication that the OP knew it was a bit of hard thing to ask people rather than a statement of purpose

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