To hope I will be more self- assured as I age?

[KeepOnPloddingOn]

I am 26 and still feel like an insecure teenager at times. I am quite self critical and will often chastise myself for what I say/ think/ do- perhaps to an unhealthy level (though better with that now)

My main issue is I am not a victim- I just get on with things, but because of this I am the sort of person who get angry as opposed to sad about things. Anyway, the point is . .. I often seem to beat myself up for my anger over situations. I get angry with people rather than be hurt - if they do me wrong. (For example)

Things are getting better. I have lots of friends- many I have had for years, but I still feel like a crap negative person sometimes - and wonder why people like me/ or if they really do. I am realising I am perhaps not as negative/ critical as I sometimes think and I am - and I am trying to accept the way I am more, and just go with it.

I keep thinking when I get to my 30s I will hopefully be more confident in my strengths and weaknesses and be kinder to myself. I see others - often older who can laugh at their weaknesses and dont really care. I wish I could not care that I wasn't perfect!

Aibu to hope for self confidence to improve with age?

I am sorry this post is so self obsessed , but due to the context it is pretty unavoidable!

[Sleepwhenidie]

Yes of course there is hope, but it isn't something that inevitably happens by itself. A course of CBT is likely to be very helpful if you could afford it. There are also lots of books you can read that can help - I'd recommend The Six Pillars of Self Esteem and The Chimp Paradox. The first explains what underpins self esteem and the second is essentially CBT, catching the emotional/critical/negative voice in your head (the chimp) and responding with the rational, adult part of your brain instead.

[Sleepwhenidie]

The other thing to do is keep doing what you love (whether you are good at it or not, it is the enjoyment that is important), keep reminding yourself of your good points - things you like about your looks or the way you interact/care for people. Write them down regularly to help. Treat yourself with care and respect, in how you take care of yourself (bathing, skin care, hair and make up, time to relax), how you dress (clothes you like and make you feel good), how you eat (best quality food you can get) and how you let others treat you (lovely to be helpful but don't be a doormat and also don't overreact to perceived slights/criticism).

[RobotLover68]

yes I agree with sleep

I don't think it will just happen as you get older unless you're prepared to work at it

I am now 46 and in the last few years, I have become more self-assured - the voice you're hearing is actually your "inner parent" telling you off etc. To get here though, I have worked very hard. First with a counsellor then with a life coach to get to where I am now - CBT sounds like a good way forward

good luck

[KeepOnPloddingOn]

I have done a lot of work on myself already. I have had cbt / counselling and I am a member of a 12 step group. Compared to many my age I feel I have worked on mySelf rather a lot. Yet still- evidently not enough perhaps!?

[KeepOnPloddingOn]

Thanks for the helpful comments ladies. I will take your suggestions on board. I am not a fan of cbt , but I do like self help books. Thank you :)

[olivespickledonions]

Yes, it will improve with age, although I hope you don't have to wait as long as me! I'm 45 and it's only now that I feel able to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me. I know who I am now, all the good bits and all the bad bits.
You can decide now, though, to not 'wait' that long.